Tag Archives: Old Red Jalopy
When a movie is so good that it completely pulls you into its universe, it's only natural to wonder what must have happened after the credits rolled.
Thankfully, we've followed some of your favorite movies through to their logical next steps so that when you watch them again on DVD or at their inevitable 3-D re-release, you won't have to waste mental energy asking questions like "Whatever happened to that guy?" and can move on to more important stuff like "What's the meaning of life?" and "Who the hell ate my Girl Scout cookies?"
Check out the illustrated speculations below, courtesy of our pal Old Red Jalopy.
'Die Hard' (1988)
Cats: They're such divas. Adorable, adorable little divas. They rule our world, so why not the cinematic one?
We obliged our feline friends by reimagining eight movies — with the aid and inspiration of our Twitter followers — starring cats instead of humans. Really, we can only dream of such cinematic purrfection.
The first one out the gate? Why, "The Great Catsby," of course. F. Scott Fitzgerald concluded that the pursuit of the American dream could only lead to a dirty litter box at best, after all.
Summer movie season is once again upon us, as the likes of "Iron Man 3," "The Wolverine" and "Pacific Rim" are set to blow us through the back wall of the theater with their huge action sequences, top-notch special effects and occasional witty quips.
But blockbusters aren't the only kind of movies at the multiplex this summer; they share space alongside quieter, more critically acclaimed fare. And let's face it — inside every loud, attention-grabbing, big-budget action flick or raucous all-star comedy, there's a sensitive, modest indie just waiting to get out. Right?
With that in mind, we've once again reinvented 10 summer blockbusters as smaller, less explosion-heavy films. After all, it's not such a huge leap to see "Fast & Furious 6" as a twee road trip movie about a non-traditional family or "Man of Steel" as the ultimate tale of an outsider wandering the Earth in search of identity and purpose.
Here's what would happen if the ceremony had quite few RSVPs in the negative.
The new comedy "The Big Wedding" sports quite the impressive Hollywood guest list, including Katherine Heigl, Topher Grace, Robert De Niro, Susan Sarandon, Diane Keaton, Amanda Seyfried, Ben Barnes and even Robin Williams.
But what if only, say, half of this ensemble were able to clear their schedules and come to the party? Actually, what if even the bride-to-be couldn't make it?
That "Big Wedding" would by default become "The Small Wedding," a film that would have the rather pathetic-looking poster below. Compare and contrast this unfortunate event to the mega-celebration that is "The Big Wedding," opening April 26. Get More »
That's it, Hollywood. Feel the burn!
Many celebrities are known for their lean physiques; they're certainly in shape but not exactly what you would call "huge." Others are have made a career out of being super-skinny or pleasantly plump. But imagine what some of these stars would look like if they suddenly went the route of the cast of "Pain & Gain," eatin' several pounds of steak and chicken and rice all day and all night and pumping iron like there's no tomorrow.
It's hard to picture beanpoles like Anne Hathaway, James Franco, Robert Pattinson, Angelina Jolie and Will Smith, scrawny fellas like Christopher Mintz-Plasse and Michael Cera and an endearingly overweight dude like Zach Galifianakis suddenly becoming bodybuilder-big, isn't it? So let us do the picturing for you. In the immortal words of Eric Cartman, "Beefcake!"
Aubrey Plaza is well on her way to becoming a national treasure. Her portrayal of April Ludgate, whose hipster sarcasm and stoicism hides a big, huge heart, is one of the best things about "Parks and Recreation." She's making quite a name for herself in the world of indie film, too, with acclaimed turns in last year's "Safety Not Guaranteed" and good buzz on this summer's "The To Do List."
Accolade-givers are taking notice of her talents as well, as she's being honored this week at CinemaCon in Las Vegas with the Breakthrough Performer of the Year award. And then there's that stunt she pulled at the 2013 MTV Movie Awards that left even Will Ferrell at a loss for words ... truly, there's no predicting where — or what — this lady will do next.
You know what? Aubrey should continue her takeover of Hollywood by remaking every movie ever made. Well, at least five, anyway. You've got to start somewhere. See below.
Tom Cruise is Not. That. Short.
OK, so no one's saying that 5-foot-7 is tall or anything, but, for as long as we can remember, Cruise's height has been a hot topic of conversation. Which is particularly amusing because we don't recall anyone mentioning anything about Robert Downey Jr. or Javier Bardem's stature. Yet, they too stand 5-foot-7. Get More »
Love him or hate him, you have to admit one thing about Charlie Sheen: The guy is pretty damn entertaining.
The man who stole the 2011 media spotlight from every other celebrity with his bizarre behavior and madcap yammerings is currently making a comeback on the big screen, continuing this weekend with his turn in "Scary Movie 5." If the trailers and clips are any indication, Charlie doesn't do much in the movie beyond hang out in bed with Lindsay Lohan — which is, of course, just fine. Get More »
Some sobering news that you may or may not have already realized: Every movie ever made is eligible to be re-released in 3-D. Literally, guys. Every single one. And why not?
If it made good money the first time, imagine how much money it's going to make when you and your friends are all wearing the same plastic glasses foolishly trying to touch the screen at the same time! Or if it didn't make good money the first time, why, maybe it just needed you and your friends wearing the same plastic glasses foolishly trying to touch the screen at the same time! The sad fact is that cash rules everything around us. Dolla dolla billz, y'all.