Sure, our limbs accomplish a myriad number of essential tasks every day – walking, kicking holding things, pointing, giving people the finger – but the sad truth is that they'll never be able to spray a hail of bullets or eviscerate enemies on their own. For those special battle-ready features, the body requires a few extra enhancements beyond what God gave you. After all, why replace a leg with a dopey wooden peg when a fully-loaded machine gun will do just fine?

In honor of the "Evil Dead" reboot and the franchise's longtime celebration of weaponized extremities, we've compiled a list of nine characters who turned a lost limb or imminent threat into an opportunity to upgrade their bodies into something far more badass than before.

Renaissance Pictures

1. Ash's chainsaw hand from 'Evil Dead II'

It's bad enough when you're fighting legions of demons you unwittingly unleashed from a skin-covered book, but what happens when your own hand becomes possessed and fights against you?  If you're Ash, you get rid of the problem, literally, by promptly hacking off the bedeviled body part. Immediately following his self-amputation, Ash remedies his bloody stump predicament by snapping a fully-functional chainsaw where his hand once existed and iconically christens the end result "Groovy." Audiences emphatically agreed, and after putting his chainsaw hand to good use against the demon armies in "Army of Darkness" a few years later, Ash's brutal new appendage became the envy of handless demon slayers everywhere.

Dimension Films

2. Cherry Darling's machine gun leg from 'Planet Terror'

Exotic dancer and aspiring stand-up comedian Cherry Darling had both of her career opportunites destroyed once her leg was mauled by a horde of zombies. Although initially despondent over her new one-legged existence, her resolute boyfriend El Wray attached a wooden table leg to her fresh stump in order to help her out of the undead-infested hospital where she was recuperating. Although her peg leg accomplished plenty of awesome evil-slaying deeds (including stabbing Quentin Tarantino straight through the brain), she didn't make the most of her missing limb until she upgraded her prosthetic from a piece of wood to a modified M4 Carbine with a M203 grenade launcher attachment. Exactly how she was able to pull the trigger on a leg gun will forever remain a mystery, but it's really hard to care after seeing the magnificence of a horde of zombies falling prey to a machine gun leg-derived hail of bullets and explosions.

SKA Films

3. Bullet-Tooth Tony's bullet tooth from 'Snatch'

Bounty hunter Bullet-Tooth Tony earned his nickname in a pretty awesome, albeit somewhat obvious way: an attempted gunshot to the face by a would-be assassin knocked out Tony’s tooth and lodged itself in his gums, instantly making the already huge and intimidating thug look even more pants-crappingly scary. With a single flash of the shiny bullet in his grin, he instantly demonstrates to any adversary that his grill will literally stop any bullet that comes his way. Also, his tooth-brushing regimen is probably incredibly complicated.

Ambin Entertainment

4. Captain Hook's hook in 'Hook'

Losing a hand in battle to a hungry crocodile can be an experience that would break most men. For Captain Hook, however, it became his defining moment. Not one to admit defeat, Hook turned his tragedy to his advantage by replacing the missing appendage with a enormous shiny hook, an always battle-ready weapon that became his primary instrument of intimidation when confronting his enemies. From loudly creating telltale scratches on walls to stroking the faces of hostages during questioning, Captain Hook's namesake armament instilled fear in Peter Pan and the rest of his adversaries just as much as it helped cut his glove-shopping budget in half.

New Line Cinema

5. Sharks With Frickin' Laser Beams Attached to Their Heads in 'Austin Powers in Goldmember'

Just a few moments of watching Shark Week on Animal Planet is enough to paralyze most people in fear. It was for this reason that Austin Powers' nemesis Dr. Evil wanted them in his employ, but he knew that these toothy monsters of the deep still needed a little something extra to make them even more effective killing machines: cranium-mounted laser beams. Yes, why instantly devour a water-logged adversary when you can fry them from a distance as well? It wasn't until the movie series' third installment that he finally got his wish in the form of a gift from Scott. When one of the sharks instantly zaps one of Dr. Evil's underlings in a show of force, it's impressive enough for him to declare Scott "the best evil son an evil dad could ever ask for." Shark Week just got a lot more interesting.

Orion Pictures

6. Big Louie's attachment hand in 'UHF'

Unlike the other characters on this list, this bookie villain from 'Weird Al' Yankovic's cult classic film didn't settle on merely one attachment for the hand he presumably lost in a doomed bet. Rather than implanting a hook, gun or a chainsaw on his stump, he instead opts for a screw-peg in order to attach whatever tickles his fancy. At one point the film, he brandishes a meat cleaver, and at other times utilizes a fake hand that wouldn't be mistaken for the real thing even from a distance. Although these are the only two attachments showcased in the film, it's not hard to believe that they're just part of an entire arsenal of gadgets, gizmos and objects both sharp and blunt that he has at his disposal. After all, why settle for one weapon when there's so many options?

Lucasfilm

7. Anakin Skywalker's cybernetic suit from 'Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith'

Okay, true, this may not be an artificial limb such as a new arm, hand or leg, but that doesn’t erase the fact that Anakin Skywalker's entire cybernetic suit is basically a full-body prosthetic. After lava envelops his entire body during a crucial battle with Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin's burnt husk of a body is rescued by Emperor Palpatine and implanted into multi-purpose black body armor. The suit not only catalyzes Anakin's new persona as Darth Vader but also helps him breathe, as evidenced by the iconic respirator sounds that accompany his intimidating presence everywhere he goes. Any suit that helps transform Hayden Christensen’s whiny Anakin voice into the authoritative, fearsome James Earl Jones voice of Vader is a psychological weapon that deserves an entry on this list.

New Line Cinema

8. The Fembots' explosive assets in the 'Austin Powers' films

Sure, they look like leggy, brainless go-go dancers with hair as big as their chests, but their retro-charm exterior is hiding something far more deadly. Each android houses two barrels full of uncompromising gunfire, all front-loaded right into each Fembot's bust. Their looks, combined with their hidden weaponry, are intended by Dr. Evil to make them the perfect covert assassins to finally finish the job against the perpetually horny Austin Powers. However, their boob-derived bullets never accomplish the task over the course of all three films. Perhaps Dr. Evil needs to look towards the next entry on the list …

Open Road Films

9. Madame Desdemona's machine gun bra in 'Machete Kills'

Granted, this movie hasn't been released yet, but judging solely from the image above, Sofia Vergara's character in the upcoming "Machete" sequel already looks like a considerable upgrade from the Fembots' similarly-placed artillery. Bigger boobs, bigger guns and a faster-rate of fire are instantly distinguishable from the image above, most likely making Madame Desdemona’s rack two unstoppable juggernauts of death when it comes to chest-derived firepower.

A new character poster (via Entertainment Weekly) for his sequel "Machete Kills" features the lovely and vivacious Sofía Vergara strutting her stuff with… wait, are those Gatling guns on her bazongas? Holy hell.

Looks like Robert Rod's outdone himself again, possibly topping Rose McGowan's leg-stump rocket launcher in "Planet Terror," but we'll have to wait and see what else is in store for Danny Trejo's chopping block. Any movie with Mel Gibson, Lady Gaga, and Charlie Sheen (as the President) is bound to have a few more aces up its sleeve.

As for the bullet brassiere, that has a whole history unto itself. Ursula Andress did it first during a sexy dance routine in the famous opening of Italian media satire "The Tenth Victim," then Mike Meyers parodied it with the FemBots in the "Austin Powers" movies. No wonder they had to give the "Modern Family" star a little extra firepower…

A.R.

Alexa Vega, the ass-kicking junior junior junior operative from children's action-adventure "Spy Kids," is back 11 years later for Robert Rodriguez's upcoming "Machete" sequel... and she's a lot more nude than we remember her.

In this new pic from "Machete Kills," Vega has lost her high-tech gear... and most of her clothing.

To refresh your memory, here is little Alexa in 2001's "Spy Kids":

And here is Miss Vega, aaaaaall grown up:

Welcome to the gun show?

Getty Images

Vanessa Hudgens is continuing to run as far from "High School Musical" as possible.

The "Sucker Punch" beauty is the latest addition to the ever-growing ensemble of Robert Rodriguez's grindhouse sequel, "Machete Kills," according to The Playlist.

News of Hudgens' involvement comes via her own official site, where it's revealed that she'll be playing the role of Cereza. As that's Spanish for "cherry," it should give you some idea of what kind of gal she is — yet another scantily-clad object of desire that probably knows how to shoot a gun and/or throw a knife.

Rodriguez has never been shy about showing off his (dis-) tastes, after all.

Hudgens joins a cast that now includes Danny Trejo, Mel Gibson, Michelle Rodriguez, Demian Bichir, Amber Heard, Sofia Vergara, Zoe Saldana, Jessica Alba, Alexa Vega, Charlie Sheen and Lady Gaga. If this doesn't end up being the weirdest movie ever made, it certainly won't be from lack of trying.

Vanessa Hudgens has been keeping things edgy lately, distancing herself from the likes of such cutesy outings as "Beastly" and "Journey 2: The Mysterious Island." She's got a role in Harmony Korine's upcoming "Spring Breakers" as well as this winter's serial killer thriller, "The Frozen Ground." She'll also soon be seen as a pregnant homeless teenager in "Gimme Shelter."

"Machete Kills" will hit theaters sometime in 2013.

Troublemaker Studios

Really, at this point you could tell us that our third grade teacher is in "Machete Kills" and we wouldn't bat an eye.

Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, aka pop diva Lady Gaga, is the latest addition to the cast of "Machete Kills," according to The Playlist.

The sequel to 2010's "Machete" sounds like writer-director Robert Rodriguez's most gonzo project to date as its acting ensemble is filled with such seemingly random (and some might even say "troubled") thespians as Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen. It only makes sense that Rodriguez would invite Lady Gaga to bring even more endearing weirdness to the party.

Rodriguez certainly isn't having new star stretch too far for her acting debut, though. Gaga will be playing a character called La Chameleon, a femme fatale type who, like the woman playing her, has quite the extensive and, shall we say, imaginative wardrobe.

Rodriguez annonced Lady Gaga's involvement via Twitter today — and, in true RR style, he's already wrapped her scenes. Fast and furious is the name of the game at Troublemaker Studios.

Lady Gaga joins an ensemble that includes Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Demian Bichir, Amber Heard, Sofia Vergara, Zoe Saldana, Jessica Alba and a very grown-up Alexa Vega, who previously played little Carmen Cortez in the "Spy Kids" movies. "Machete Kills" will hit theaters sometime in 2013.

Getty Images

And the winning continues unabated.

Robert Rodriguez has a penchant for casting controversial tabloid celebs in his "Machete" series, be they Lindsay Lohan in the first movie or Mad Mel Gibson in "Machete Kills," but now the director has revealed via Twitter that none other than Charlie Sheen will play the most powerful man in the world. Very apropos.

"I just cast Charlie Sheen in ‪#machetekills‬ as the President of the United States! Who better? More soon..." Tweeted Rodriguez, indicating that he may have yet another ace (or aces) up his sleeve for casting his blood-soaked exploitation sequel.

Mayhaps Sheen wanted to follow in his papa Martin's "West Wing" footsteps, or it could just be that The Goddesses were demanding better accommodations. The White House should suffice.

Rodriguez has also uploaded several pics (via /Film) from the set featuring stars Danny Trejo and Jessica Alba in full-on badass mode along with an all-female mariachi band.

Sheen's never-ending supply of Tiger Blood has kept him going strong since his big media bonanza following CBS giving him the heave-ho from "Two and a Half Men." With a new FX series called "Anger Management" and "Moonrise Kingdom" writer Roman Coppola directing him in the pseudo autobiographical "A Glimpse Inside The Mind Of Charles Swan III," we know who's going to be winning the most: audiences.

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Zoe Saldana is burning rubber for the border.

The "Avatar" beauty is set to join Danny Trejo for the latest adventure of everyone's favorite Mexi-can, "Machete Kills." News of Saldana's casting comes straight from Machete himself, as Trejo mentioned her during an exclusive interview with Moviehole:

"'Machete Kills' is going to be a lot more over-the-top than 'Machete,'" said Trejo. "We've got Sofia Vergara, who is a star in her own right, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez and Zoe Saldana — and guess what? I get to kiss all of 'em."

Well, yes, of course he does. 'cause he's Machete. And say what you will about Robert Rodriguez (and he inspires a lot of talk, after all) — he definitely knows how to gather a pretty amazing ensemble cast, especially when it comes to the lovely ladies.

There's no word yet on what kind of character Zoe Saldana will be playing, but we have a feeling she'll somehow be involved in Machete's latest "roaring rampage of revenge" — an endeavor that Zoe is certainly no stranger to after embarking on one of her own in last summer's "Colombiana."

Production on "Machete Kills" commences in mid-June with a look toward a release date sometime in 2013. Meanwhile, Zoe Saldana will next be seen in "The Words," opening Sept. 21, and will be reprising her role as Uhura in J.J. Abrams' "Star Trek" sequel, opening May 17, 2013.

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Pop quiz: Who's the luckiest man on the planet?

If you guessed Robert Rodriguez, you're right. The director has been busy packing the cast of his upcoming sequel to "Machete," aptly titled "Machete Kills," with a smattering of the hottest actresses alive.

According to Variety, "Modern Family"'s sizzling trophy wife, Sofia Vergara, is the latest siren in talks to join this army of femme fatales.

If she inks the deal, Vergara will sidle up alongside Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez and (as of only yesterday) Amber Heard. This installment finds Machete (played by the second luckiest man on the planet, Danny Trejo) recruited by the U.S. government to stop an arms dealer (Mel Gibson — shudder) from launching a deadly missile.

Vergara is up for the role of the leather-clad Madame Desdemona, whose band of Mexican harlots have information that Machete needs.

Vergara earned both Emmy and Golden Globe nominations for her portrayal of Gloria Delgado-Pritchett on "Modern Family," so it will be interesting to see if she brings any comedic flair to this action adventure flick — either way, however, just the thought of Vergara leading a band of harlots puts a smile on our face. Something tells us Mr. Rodriguez is smiling too.

Getty Images

Amber Heard, the blonde who turned up the heat in "The Rum Diary," is at it again. This time, the bombshell is in talks to become the latest femme fatale in the Robert Rodriguez action flick, "Machete Kills," the sequel to the 2010 Grindhouse hit "Machete." (Insert men cheering here.)

According to Variety, Danny Trejo will return as the titular lead, along with beauties Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez. Oh, and Mel Gibson may be stopping by. In other words, Trejo is one lucky ex-federale.

In this installment, Machete finds himself recruited by the U.S. government to stop an arms dealer (played by Gibson — which is almost eerily frightening) from launching a deadly missile.

If Heard inks the deal, the starlet will play a manipulative assassin code-named Miss San Antonio, which, we have to say, is definitely one of the best character names we've heard in a while and if anyone can rock that moniker, it's her.

The actress better decide soon, however, because lensing is slated to start as soon as the end of this month in Austin, Texas, and from what we've heard, Gibson doesn't like to be kept waiting.

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Dimension

You can't stop Machete. Or Machete's women.

While Danny Trejo may be the only actor officially signed on for the "Machete" sequel, at least two of his co-stars from the original film are in talks to return for more Mexican mayhem, according to The Playlist.

Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez are poised to reprise their roles from the 2010 film directed by Ethan Maniquis and Robert Rodriguez, a feature-length "Mexploitation" flick spawned from the mock trailer that appeared in the 2007 double feature, "Grindhouse." Alba played Sartana, the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer who ended up assisting (and falling for) the disgraced Federale, and Michelle Rodriguez played Luz, a taco truck proprietor who was later revealed to be a legendary revolutionary.

The sequel, "Machete Kills," finds Machete hired by the U.S. government to take down both a Mexican cartel leader and madman billionaire who plan to launch a weapon into space. This seems to follow suit with Robert Rodriguez's desire for a "Machete" trilogy — with the final chapter not taking place on Earth at all.

Robert Rodriguez has also recently expressed an interest in casting both Mel Gibson (as we assume the madman billionaire) and Michele Williams (as perhaps the madman billionaire's long-suffering daughter?), though it remains to be seen whether that ends up being the case or just wishful thinking.

Either way, Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez were both a hoot and a holler in the original "Machete," so it will be fun to see them back to raise more hell with the ever-reliable Danny Trejo.

Production on "Machete Kills" is set to commence this spring, after which Robert Rodriguez will segue into "Sin City: A Dame to Kill For" this summer.

Fox

That leathery face. That tough guy 'tude. That… refusal to text. Yes, it's time for more Machete, the character first introduced in a fake trailer in 2007's "Grindhouse" double feature by Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez.

A crazy actioner with a sly political message hidden inside, "Machete" starred Danny Trejo as a former Federale agent who ends up in Texas, embroiled in a war between immigration, corrupt officials, and Shé, a mythical leader of an underground network helping illegal immigrants. Now it's time for Machete to kill again in... "Machete Kills." Succinct!

As if Machete didn't have enough to do in the first movie, the second will show him going up against an entire army in a fight against a drug cartel leader who's paired up with a crooked, crazy, and very rich arms dealer.

There's already a script in place, a tagline ("This time, they f**ked with the wrong Mexican!") and a tentative April start date, but nothing signed (in blood!) when it comes to the cast -- not even Trejo himself yet. And what's "Machete" without Machete? And who's left of the original cast that hasn't yet met a bloody end? Well, you'll have to see for yourself.

Rodriguez first mentioned that "Machete Kills" and "Machete Kills Again" weren't just post-credit jokes at 2011's San Diego Comic-Con. After a lot of false starts and hopeful chatter from Rodriguez about future projects (we're looking at you, "Red Sonja"), it might be a little too early to count our badass Mexican superheroes before they're hatched. That doesn't mean we can't get excited about it, though!