Paramount

IMDb has been the go-to source for movie information on the Internet since 'Nam, and it (obviously) takes its work seriously. So it's rare that you'll find a synopsis for a well-known movie that's anything but diligent and professional.

That's what makes those moments when you do find a bad IMDb synopsis special. But what makes a "bad" IMDb synopsis, exactly? In this case, we measured it by two things: undertones of laziness, or undertones of snark — and in some cases, both.

We found 10 in a hopeless place.

1. 'Friends with Benefits' (2011)

ANALYSIS: To be fair, the plot of this movie should really just be "Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake take you on a first class trip to Poundtown," as that's the reason the movie exists and sold tickets. But context aside, the above synopsis would have definitely had a Microsoft Word green squiggly underline underneath it signifying the disapproval of the ubiquitous Paper Clip. Plus, can't you just feel the snark coming off the second half of that sentence? Like, "... and you're not going to believe this, but guess what Dylan and Jamie discover?" I see right through you, IMDb synopsis writer.

2. 'Life or Something Like It' (2002)

ANALYSIS: Two things: 1) There's a definite vibe of "Friday at 6:30 p.m. just getting this done and then gettin' mah DRANK ON" of the IMDb synopsis writer here. But more importantly, 2) What percentage of the population hasn't been told something weird by a homeless guy? One time a homeless guy outside of Fenway Park pulled me close and told me I reminded him of his brother over and over again. I was like, 12. This homeless guy was significantly older than 12. Did I write a movie about my experience? No. There's gotta be more here.

3. 'A Guy Thing' (2003)

ANALYSIS: The tone of this synopsis makes us think that the writer had more written out here to make himself laugh, then cut it off without reediting it before publishing. For example, "... he presumes he must have cheated on his fiancee so LET'S WRITE A MOVIE ABOUT IT." Also — unrelated, but — "A Guy Thing" is cheating on your fiancee? Alright, stereotypes! I kind of get it, IMDb writer. I see where your head's at. We're on the same page.

4. 'Pearl Harbor' (2001)

ANALYSIS: I'm not saying the plot synopsis is inaccurate. But there's also a reason why everyone thought this movie sucked, and it's pretty much because of the focus on the meaningless love lives of these two random dudes instead of the war itself. Couldn't throw Michael Bay a bone, plot synopsis writer? Maybe this movie has a 5.9 (anything greater is impossible) if the plot synopsis is something like "With the Second World War raging in the background, Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett continue to make a mockery of themselves in this ..." Fine, IMDb writer, you're right.

5. 'Post Grad' (2009)

ANALYSIS: There are times (not unlike "Pearl Harbor") where you can't really dress the shortcomings of the movie itself with the one-line IMDb synopsis, and it seems "Post Grad" is also one of those cases. For example: You just went through college and you're figuring out now that the right job, relationship and life course is important? What the f**k were you doing for the last four years? Ryden Malby kind of just sounds like the worst.

6. 'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter' (2012)

ANALYSIS: So many things go wrong in so few words. For one: "The 16th President of the United States." Oh, you weren't talking about another Abraham Lincoln? Got it. Secondly, his being the eventual President is kind of apropos of nothing regarding murdering vampires, right? Pretty incidental to mention here. The matter-of-factness about "He makes it his mission to eliminate them," is fantastic, too. I'm piling on, but then again, you made a movie about Abraham Lincoln killing vampires, so.

7. 'Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters' (2013)

ANALYSIS: We continue with the "Rewriting Characters We're Familiar With as Assassins of Mythical Creatures" genre with the upcoming "Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters," which makes the list just for the words, "In this spin on the fairy tale." What exactly are you spinning on the fairy tale other than using their names? Is there a lost Hansel and Gretel tale about them as children killing witches that we're not aware of? You underestimate our intelligence, IMDb writer. How dare you.

8. 'Nick of Time' (1995)

ANALYSIS: What is an "every-day man?" Aren't we all every-day men (or women)? By virtue of being talented, famous and handsome, does George Clooney take Wednesdays off? Also, why the two adjectives that essentially mean the same thing? Talk about rubbing it in. "We swear, this guy sucks. Promise. Nothing remarkable about him at all." Oh, and the unimpressive every-day man is played by Johnny Depp, with whom literally tens of millions of people are obsessed. "Nick of Time" is also penalized for not being about a time traveler named Nick.

9. 'The Saint' (1997)

ANALYSIS: This one had to have just slipped through the cracks of the copyediting process. The writer (an intern?) is apparently allergic to pronouns, as "Simon Templar" is mentioned three times in the first 19 words. Also what does "working out" the energy formula involve? And what is "the worst" (other than this plot summary HEYOOOOO) and why will it affect the United States, which wasn't brought up at all before now? For shame, LadyN1. Go get us a coffee and our dry cleaning.

10. 'The Air Up There' (1994)

ANALYSIS: It's just the use of the word "hotshot" to describe a mining company's basketball team. There's been no mining company in the history of ever that has a "hotshot" basketball team (Source: Everyone who didn't write this IMDb plot synopsis). Just choose a different adjective, Reid, and we'll forgive you. NOTHING-TO-DO-WITH-ANYTHING CHEAP SHOT ALERT: Sweet poster, Kevin Bacon.

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Disney / Universal / Sony

As we established in our list of the 25 Best Movies of 2012, it was a pretty great year at the multiplexes.

But in what you are about to read below, well, there is no "good."

Some of these actually didn't do too badly in the box office and one might incite some rage from a certain fan army (sorry guys, but our whole staff agreed!), but either way, we want to know what you think. Read up on our 10 clunkers of 2012 and hit up the comments section below with your two cents.

10. 'Dark Shadows'

Warner Bros.

"Dark Shadows" lost at its own game. It seems like Tim Burton meant to harness the power of kitsch in his big screen adaptation of camptastic '70s soap opera "Dark Shadows," flirting with the border of "so bad it's good" territory... and overshot his mark by a mile. Great actors go horribly wasted in this wandering mess of a movie, and the fact that it looks pretty cool only serves to highlight how badly this vampire story bites: Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, Chloe Moretz and some great-looking sets almost have to try to make me hate them. If I didn't know better, I'd assume they tried pretty hard. — Brooke Tarnoff

9. 'One for the Money'

Lionsgate

This movie stars Katherine Heigl – what more do you need to know? OK, well, just in case, you should know that her character Stephanie Plum gets into the bail bonds business and her first assignment puts her on the trail of her ex. Delightful, right? Something tells us Heigl, who notoriously departed from "Grey's Anatomy" amidst much drama despite earning an Emmy award for her performance, did this film the exact reasons the title says. — Breanne L. Heldman

8. 'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter'

20th Century Fox

Who thought this was a good idea? Does the Great Emancipator really need to add demon slaying to his resume? This movie is 105 minutes of cringe-worthy cheese that takes itself too seriously while portraying the secretly rockin' nightlife of Honest Abe while he pursues a lifelong vendetta against the forces of evil. Oh, and the Confederate Army. Who are also vampires. Maybe the producers heard about Spielberg's "Lincoln" in pre-production and figured they had to find a way to top it. Maybe they just thought it was a funny joke to make audiences sit through nearly two hours of that slop. Maybe they're really just self-loathing vampires themselves. The world may never know. (And, spoiler alert, the ending implication that Abe may have been a vampire himself and thus survived assassination? Rude.) — Kase Wickman

7. 'Playing for Keeps'

FilmDistrict

Ah, the story of a morally tarnished athlete who finds his heart of gold on the soccer field, amidst his young son's teammates and a bunch of MILFs. What could be finer... other than EVERYTHING? Gerard Butler isn't inherently terrible — he was kind of good in "300," if memory serves — but he keeps returning to reductive rom-com drivel. Whatever this says about his acting ability pales in comparison to the message it sends about his taste. (That message, if it wasn't clear: bad.) — BT

6. 'John Carter'

Disney

You gotta feel a little bad for the nice, talented folks behind this turkey: writer/director Andrew Stanton, the Pixar pro who shepherded this through development as a passion project; Taylor Kitsch, the "Friday Night Lights" alum making some bum movies; Willem Dafoe, who's awesome because he's Willem Dafoe. But anytime you spend 250 precious million dollars on a movie, you'd better hope it works. And "JC" doesn't one bit. From its risky usage of a hero Confederate to its "Phantom Menace"-like ETs to its overall utter convolutedness, "Carter" is an incoherent, disjointed mess that left movie fans of all stripes scratching their heads. — KP

5. 'Snow White and the Huntsman'

Universal

More like "Snow White and the Hunts-mehhh." Kristen Stewart is great at posing and making tough faces while wearing just-for-ladies armor on a red carpet, but a master thespian she's not. K.Stew has only a handful of lines in this two-hour drudge of a film, and Chris Hemsworth, while great at grunting and looking handsome, is not so great at enunciating. The best part of this movie was watching Charlize Theron as the evil queen Ravenna, melting in and out of various shapes while screaming like a banshee. She's a crow! She's a lady again! She's a puddle! This is great! Oh, now we're back in the woods with Bella and Thor. Zzzzzz. Pass. — KW

4. 'Red Dawn'

Lionsgate

It's never a good sign when a movie sits on the shelves for a few years (jeez Louise, how many spring/summer/fall previews was this thing included in?). But "Dawn" almost looked like it could benefit from its shelving (due to MGM's financial woes), as stars Chris Hemsworth ("Thor") and Josh Hutcherson ("Hunger Games") blew the hell up amid the delay. But nope. America saw "Dawn" for what it was, another wholly unnecessary remake that not only doesn't improve on the original, but taints our memory of it (not that the '84 Swayze edition was a masterpiece). And don't get us started on the amazingly offensive "ethnicity tweaks" done in post-production. What were you thinking? — KP

3. 'Man on a Ledge'

Summit

Possibly the worst thing about this movie — and trust me, that's saying a lot — is how good Elizabeth Banks is in it. She never appears to be acting; she seems uncannily real in every role, like human tofu picking up the flavor of whatever movie she's in. In this case, it just serves to make everything around her seem even more false, including the implausible plot, the wooden performances, the ridiculous dialogue and Sam Worthington's mullet. Which, by the way, is the second worst thing about this movie. A mullet? For crying out loud. — BT

2. 'That's My Boy'

Sony

This is an Adam Sandler movie: are you shocked to find it on this list? We didn't think so, but just so you have the ammo for properly mocking this clunker, here's what you need to know. As a young teen, Sandler's character knocked up his teacher (Eva Amurri) and became an instant celebrity. Now, after nearly 30 years, he's a broke nobody with a beef with Vanilla Ice and a son (Andy Samberg) who refuses to acknowledge any relation to him. Believe it or not, it all goes downhill from there, with hijinks including infidelity, severe alcoholism and incest. Hilarious, right? — BH

1. 'The Devil Inside'

Paramount

Among our staff, we've been to literally thousands of advance screenings, many of them "promotional," which, as you may know, is when a studio gives out passes to moviegoers as opposed or in addition to movie critics. These audiences tend to be kind to the movies — far more kind than cranky critics, that's for sure — but the promotional screening we attended for this clunker marked the first time EVER we witnessed a crowd boo the film during its end credits. Proof that the mockumentary/found footage approach doesn't always work, "Devil Inside" just feels phony, with shoddy acting, forced scares and an anti-climactic, utterly ridiculous ending that deservedly brought out the boo birds. — KP

The Worst Movies of 2012 Review Themselves

Getty Images / Amazon

"I was a big fan of 'The Lost Boys,' but I think 'Nosferatu' is probably my favorite. There's something so timelessly mysterious about it. Just the way that it's shot, it's so dark and shadowy and sinister.

"I believe that guy could be wandering around in the alleys of Transylvania. The teeth and the ears … it's just really scary, the first of its kind. Really ethereal."

Before classically trained actor Benjamin Walker took up his axe as the Great Emancipator in "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter," out on Blu-ray and DVD today, he had small roles in "Kinsey" and "Flags of Our Fathers." It was on Broadway where he truly made his name, as our 7th President in the Broadway rock musical "Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson."

Warner Bros.

This week: Before he became an actor, Channing Tatum worked as a male stripper, which inspired Steven Soderbergh to direct "Magic Mike," a behind-the-scenes look at a troupe of male strippers taking it off nightly at a club in Florida.

Also new this week is the self-explanatory horror thriller "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter," the sweet-natured apocalyptic romance "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World" and a definitive anniversary edition of "Blade Runner" on Blu-ray.

'Magic Mike'

Warner Bros.

Box Office: $114 million
Rotten Tomatoes: 79% Fresh
Storyline: Inspired by Channing Tatum's real-life occupation as a male stripper, this Steven Soderbergh-directed drama (that's right — this isn't a fluffy chick flick) stars Tatum as the titular character who takes a young dancer called The Kid (Alex Pettyfer) under his wing and teaches the teenager how to shake his moneymaker, pick up women and make gobs of money. Matthew McConaughey stars as the owner of the joint where the guys — including Matt Bomer and Joe Manganiello — strip for rowdy female audiences.
Extras! The Fully Extended Edition has a "Backstage on 'Magic Mike'" featurette in which Tatum exposes the finer details of being a male stripper — from manscaping to hip shaking — and the transformation of his co-stars. The Blu-ray also has exclusive extended dance sequences.
We Say: If you just want to see good-looking guys take it all off and gyrate for women's delight, read no further — this movie has the bare butts you require. But surrounding the parade of man meat is a more compelling story about having access to too much while too young and how real dreams are worth pursuing.

'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter'

Fox

Box Office: $38 million
Rotten Tomatoes: 35% Rotten
Storyline: Based on the novel of the same name, this action-horror film imagines the 16th President of the United States as someone who — when he's not worried about emancipating the slaves — moonlights as a vampire hunter after having witnessed his mother being killed by a bloodsucker. Benjamin Walker plays Abe, Mary Elizabeth Winstead plays his wife, Dominic Cooper plays the president's mentor and Rufus Sewell heads up an order of vampires.
Extras! The five-part making-of feature includes details about the transition from book to screen, choreography, makeup effects and a peek behind the scenes. The full combo pack includes the movie in 3-D (as it was in theaters), although the 3-D effect is not one of the better conversions out there.
We Say: Although the silly premise is at odds with the serious performances by everyone involved, viewers who can get beyond that might find themselves rooting for Honest Abe to rid our country of a fanged scourge.

'Seeking a Friend for the End of the World'

Focus Features

Box Office: $7 million
Rotten Tomatoes: 55% Rotten
Storyline: When news of a world-ending asteroid hurtling towards Earth breaks, Dodge's (Steve Carell) wife ditches him and he decides to seek out his high school sweetheart before the world ends. Accompanying him on his journey is Penny (Keira Knightley), the neighbor he never really knew whose impact on his life will be greater than any space rock.
Extras! Both the DVD and Blu-ray contain several behind-the-scenes featurettes, including one in which Carell, Knightley and other stars of the film discuss what songs would make their playlist if the world were to end.
We Say: There are plenty of unexpected romance movies out there, but this one has the pressure of a ticking clock, which makes matters more interesting. Carell and Knightley sell it with their charming banter and easy chemistry.

'Blade Runner' 30th Anniversary Collector's Edition Blu-ray

Warner Bros.

Box Office: $33 million
Rotten Tomatoes: 92% Fresh
Storyline: Ridley Scott's seminal sci-fi masterpiece stars Harrison Ford as Deckard, the titular cop assigned to hunt down several rogue Replicants (synthetic humans with a four-year lifespan) that have escaped from the Off-World colonies and returned to a rain-soaked, neon-lit Los Angeles in 2019 in search of more life from their creator, Dr. Tyrell. Rutger Hauer, Daryl Hannah, Joanna Cassidy and Sean Young appear as the Tyrell Corporation-created "more human than human" beings that force Deckard to reconsider the meaning of life.
Extras! This new Blu-ray edition features all four versions of the film on one seamless-branching disc and Ultraviolet digital copies for the first time. All the previous extras are included on a separate bonus disc, plus this Collector's Edition comes packaged with a new Spinner car and a 72-page art production book with never-before-seen Scott sketches, poster art and photos from the set.
We Say: Although underappreciated during its initial release in 1982, "Blade Runner" has become one of the most influential science-fiction films of all time and Scott's darkly beautiful vision of a futuristic Los Angeles will still take your breath away. The movie has been on a ten-month moratorium from home video, but Warner Bros. has brought it back with an out-of-this-world new package that "you people wouldn't believe."

Also New This Week:

"Tyler Perry's Madea's Witness Protection"
"Secret of the Wings"
"I, Robot" Blu-ray 3D
"Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines"
"Take This Waltz"

Fox

In pop culture terms, vampires can be a pretty divisive subject. On the one hand, some people love them and think they're cool and sexy. On the other hand, well, vampires kind of are bloodsucking, undead abominations whose unholy existence should be condemned by every right-minded individual. So it's a toss up.

But if you're one of those who stand with our 16th president against the forces of vampirism, then take up your axe and get ready, because we've got a brand new "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" giveaway just for you.

Justice may be its own reward, but free loot doesn't hurt either.

And the kind of loot we have to offer here is enough to get the blood pumping for any film fan: Not only will the grand prize winner get a copy of the brand new "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" on Blu-ray, but they will also receive a copy of the Aspen Comics animated graphic novel "Director's Cut: The Art of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter," which director Timur Bekmambetov considers to be the official director's cut of the film.

Plus, we'll also be giving one first prize winner a copy of the Blu-ray, which contains every spine-snapping moment of Bekmambetov's historically ambitious epic. And you don't have to fight off a hoard of nosferatu to win — all you have to do is enter yourself in our contest and let fate decide the rest.

Because love them or hate them, either way it's fun watching Abe Lincoln kill them.

One Grand Prize Winner will receive:

• "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" Blu-ray
• "Director's Cut: The Art of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" animated graphic novel

One First Prize Winner will receive:

• "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" Blu-ray

To enter, just shoot us an email at NextMovie@MTV.com and include your name, address, birthdate and be sure to copy and paste the following statement:

"By sending this email, I accept and agree to: (1) the Official Rules of the 'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter' Blu-ray Giveaway and (2) MTV Networks’, a division of Viacom International Inc., Nextmovie.com Terms of Use and Privacy Policy."

The contest runs from now until 2 p.m. ET on Thursday, Oct. 25, 2012. Entrants must be at least 13 years old and reside in the U.S. Click here for complete rules and further details.

As an added bonus, all entrants will be signed up for the fun and useful UpNext newsletter. As an UpNext subscriber, you'll receive weekly updates on the hottest releases, events and merch from the world of movies.

20th Century Fox/NYCC

Steven Spielberg and Daniel Day-Lewis may be preparing to unveil their "Lincoln," but the alt-universe version of our 16th President is also still out there, keeping our country safe from the creatures of the night.

"Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" will be sworn in at this year's New York Comic Con, which begins today and runs through Sunday, Oct. 14 at the Javits Center. This new poster for the film will be unveiled at NYCC, but you can see it first exclusively in digital form right here, featuring artwork by Nimit Malavia, a freelance illustrator whose clients include Marvel Comics, 20th Century Fox, The National Post and more.

Check out the poster below (and check out another exclusive over at Film.com) and look for "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" if you're going to be at the Javits Center this weekend (you can check out the panel discussion with content director/producer Javier Soto, key concept artist Nimit Malavia, animation director Matt Whelan Friday at 11 a.m.).

The film will be released on Blu-ray and DVD on Oct. 23.

Also Check Out: Another Exclusive 'Vampire Hunter' NYCC Poster on Film.com

Warner Bros.

The summer is over and we're heading back to school. I'm trading in my Mojito Mix for a protractors as we speak.

Time will put summer 2012 in its historical context but, by and large, I'd call it a successful one. We may have lost a TomKat but we gained a Kimye. If that isn't a grand metaphor for this funny little thing we call life, I don't know what is.

As far as Fanboy movies are concerned, rarely have we been so well-serviced. Between "Avengers," "The Dark Knight Rises" and "The Amazing Spider-Man," I can't think of a time when so many major ticket comic book heroes were in the spotlight. As autumn comes and we don our pea coats and khakis -- yes, we attend Dartmouth in 1962 -- it's time to look back at the standouts of Fanboy movies Summer 2012.

Best Movie

Summer 2012 can best be described as "'The Avengers' and Everything Else." I've seen the picture three times and it still holds up. It may be the finest popcorn film since "Raiders of the Lost Ark." Yes, I really mean that.

"The Avengers" is a carnival of tiny miracles (like the fact that a movie like this even exists in the first place) leading up to one of the most exhilarating extended action sequences ever. And it proved what we've already known – if you give great actors great characters, audiences will truly care about them. How deeply has "The Avengers" affected me? My comic book reading used to be about 85% DC. Now I'm roughly 50/50 between DC and Marvel. Talk about effective economic synergy! (Okay, don't, cause that's boring.)

Best Moment (Avengers Edition)

Marvel

Most True Believers simply melted at the shot of the Avengers assembling in front of Grand Central as the camera swooped around them from a low angle. And, yes, that gave me chills. But the moment that absolutely kills me is when Cap bounces across exploding cars and begins barking orders to the NYPD. When they shrug in the way New York movie cops and ask, "why should we take orders from you?" Cap's response is delayed because he has to beat the hell out of a group in invading Chitauri with his bare hands. Once the dust settles Officer Duffy springs into action, relaying Cap's exact orders to his men.

AND I BURST INTO TEARS EVERY TIME!

Best Moment (Non-Avengers)

I was pretty mixed on "The Amazing Spider-Man," but there was one moment that really got to me. It, too, featured New York's working men interacting with a superhero. Call me corny, but when the band of unionized scaffolding lifters (or whatever the heck they were) created a highway in the sky of easily swingable beams for a hurtin' Spidey, I got a little choked up. If you didn't (or laughed, as some did) you have no soul.

Finest Moment Of Voyeuristic Prurience

I neither endorse nor engage in the objectification of women. But, please, I am merely flesh and can only take so much before I cave to baser instincts. By the twelfth time Anne Hathaway's Selena Kyle was shown presenting herself like a mare in heat while mounting the Batpod my defenses of decency had been throughly destroyed. Shooting from behind didn't help much.

Best Scene in a Bad Movie

There's about 45 seconds in "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter" where the badass lawyer from Springfield is shown doing some martial arts training with his rail-splittin' axe. Had the rest of the movie had just a little bit of this verve it wouldn't have been such a dud.

Best Bad Guy

Warner Bros.

Please. Who else wore a fur coat and a sleep apnea mask, was a wall of pure muscle and sounded like Sean Connery talking into a fan? Bane was the best villain of 2012. Bane was the best thing that happened to any of us in 2012.

Neatest Tech

Remember "Prometheus?" Yeah, I know. A pain in the ass movie. But bring it up and it still gets people fighting, and, I suppose, that is the mark of a memorable movie. No one merely shrugged it off. And there's one thing everyone agrees on – it looked great. Of the many cool pieces of technology in that film (those floating silver spheres with red lasers that make 3D maps! the holodeck-ish theater!) the little auto-surgery pod was the niftiest. Now, if it takes Blue Cross/Blue Shield we'll be in business.

Neatest Movie Not Enough People Saw

Here's where I make you feel bad for missing out on some cool little movies. "Sound of My Voice" is a fantastic paranoid thriller that may or may not be about secret time traveling weirdos from war torn future. I guess you can say it is a lot like "The Terminator," but where Arnold is a nasally blonde 20-something woman who hangs out in a basement instead of killing people. The other cool one is "Robot and Frank" where an old man and a robot steal things. Yeah, I don't know why you haven't seen that either.

"Robot and Frank" is still in theaters in select cities. "Sound of My Voice" will be on Blu-ray on Oct 2.

Come back every Thursday for more intergalactic musings on Planet Fanboy and follow its fearless leader Jordan Hoffman on Twitter!

Sony / Sony / Fox

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FreddieW

"Speech Attack!" No vampire can withstand the power of "Four score and seven years ago."

The gang at FreddieW Gamez has transported our 16th president to somewhat more recent history as they've re-imagined "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" as a video game from the classic Nintendo era of 16-bit side-scrollers. And really, the only thing wrong with it is we can't play it ourselves.

FreddieW gets every little nuance just right, from the opening prologue of ever so slightly animated images to the flashing "Player 2 Press Start" in the top right corner. Honest Abe gets his strength back via "Crate Meat" as he swings his ax against the undead hordes, determined to rescue his wife Mary from the clutches of the vampiric John Wilkes Booth.

There's even a "segue" bonus stage called "Focus Fury," where Lincoln really has to show what he can do with that ax. Damn, we may have to take that dusty Nintendo out of the closet and see if it still works ...

Enjoy the patriotic genre-mashing nostalgia below, courtesy of YouTube. "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" opens June 22.

Fox

It took Russian director Timur Bekmambetov to make a movie about America's most beloved historical figure fighting Transylvania's most dangerous monsters in "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter."

Adapted for the screen by the original novelist Seth Grahame-Smith, it reimagines The Great Emancipator as a great decapitator of bloodthirsty slaveowners through his prolific talent wielding an axe. It costars Dominic Cooper, Anthony Mackie and Mary Elizabeth Winstead, with Rufus Sewell gleefully chewing up the scenery as the head vampire in charge.

1. This is also the same guy who taught George Washington to chop down that cherry tree.

2. Something tells us Edward Cullen of "Twilight" wouldn't stand a chance against our 16th president.

3. "People all over the world ... Join hands ... Start a death train, death train."

20th Century Fox

When faced with a tone-deaf would-be fanboy film, it's hard not to think about Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.

The woman who popularized the "five stages of dying" was also right on the money in describing all that went through my mind during last night's screening of "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter."

First came denial ("No, this is just a subversive B-movie romp!") then anger ("I'm gonna to go Russia and make a dumbass movie about Peter the Great and see how Timur Bekmanbetov feels!") then bargaining ("Please! Someone go get John Wilkes Booth on my ass and put me out of my misery right now!") then depression ("This is my fault for forwarding all those Funny or Die videos") and finally acceptance ("Okay, I guess the fight with Marton Csokas with the stampeding horses was kinda cool.")

With these five stages flushed through my system, I found myself asking one more: just how much of this is actually ... accurate?

Now, I'm no presidential historian but I'm pretty sure that some of the stuff that wasn't supposed to be, you know, a joke, didn't actually happen. Here is a tip sheet you may want to study before you raise your hand in class and say something dumb. As Honest Abe is said to have said, "it is better to be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. And pass the garlic."

Abraham Lincoln knew how to use an axe: True. He worked as a rail splitter which means he probably really could kill all of us with his bare hands.

20th Century Fox

Abraham Lincoln had a BFF named Joshua Speed and lived in his General Store in Springfield: True. He never officially worked in the store, but, yeah, maybe he helped move boxes once in a while, so the "meet cute" with Mary Todd isn't that far-fetched.

Joshua Speed came with Lincoln to Washington and worked as his advisor: False, however his brother James Speed was Lincoln's Attorney General. Furthermore Joshua Speed never colluded with vampires.

Okay, well, that other Speed, James. James Speed colluded with vampires: False, but not as false as you might think! James Speed attended (wait for it) Transylvania University!!!!

Abraham Lincoln was childhood chums with a black boy named Willie Johnson: False.

Abraham Lincoln had a close black advisor named Willie Johnson: False.

There was a black person named Willie Johnson in Abraham Lincoln's life: True. He shined Abe Lincoln's shoes, cut his hair and carried his bags. He traveled with him to Gettysburg where he caught smallpox and died. (The President paid for his funeral expenses.)

Mary Todd Lincoln dated Stephen Douglas before she married Abraham: Surprisingly, this is true!

Mary Todd Lincoln shotgun blasted the Vampiress who murdered her son in badass slow-motion: False. The death of her son William Wallace Lincoln was an emotional blow from which the already psychologically unstable woman almost didn't recover. Don't we all feel horrible for turning this into a cheap story beat now?

The Union war department collected silver and shipped it down to the front for its vampire-slaying properties: False. It collected Irish.

The Battle of Gettysburg ended the Civil War: False. The Civil War ended at the Battle of Appomattox Court House almost two full years after Gettysburg. But Appomattox Court House is kind've a stupid name so only Ken Burns fans remember it. Historians now point to Gettysburg and the simultaneous battle at Vicksburg as, indeed, the turning point in the war, but they didn't know that at the time.

Abraham Lincoln bravely stood up against slavery: True. Dude's a hero. They should be making movies about him.

Abraham Lincoln instigated the Civil War to flush vampires out of the south, who were working in collusion with Jefferson Davies and feasting on black people: False. You're an idiot.

You are taking this all too personally. You should just be having fun with a B-movie: False. I'd love an energetic, campy "tall tale" movie mixing stuffy American history and cool vampires. This movie is not that.

Abraham Lincoln's Treasurer had a crazy-ass name: True. His name was Salmon P. Chase. This isn't in the movie, but I thought you'd like to know.

Come back every Thursday for more intergalactic musings on Planet Fanboy and follow its fearless leader Jordan Hoffman on Twitter!

NextMovie

Biopics about U.S. presidents usually depict Commanders in Chief as stately, diplomatic heads of state whose biggest fights are with Congress or rascally foreign countries.

The new movie "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter," however, gives us an Abraham Lincoln we've never read about in history books. Freeing the slaves was a pretty kickass thing to do in real life, but in Timur Bekmambetov's adaptation of Seth Grahame-Smith's novel, our 16th president speaks softly, carries a big ax, and chops up vampires 'til they're deader than undead.

All those other presidents must be kind of jealous of Honest Abe right about now, don't you think? So with the help of Old Red Jalopy, we're casting even more of our nation's leaders as action hero-types, striking down more than just bad legislation. You're welcome, POTUSes.

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20th Century Fox

Abraham Lincoln: He was our sixteenth president, the Great Emancipator and, of course, he was also a peerless vampire hunter. Oh, sure, that last part might have been glossed over in your high school history book, but that's fine, because the truth will finally be revealed when "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" hits theaters this week.

You don't need to wait four score and seven years to get answers, though, because we have everything there is to know about "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" right now.

Release Date: June 22

Star Power: While "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" doesn't quite have any of today's A-listers, it does have at least two of tomorrow's: Dominic Cooper, who wowed fans in "Captain America: The First Avenger" and critics in "The Devil's Double," and Mary Elizabeth Winstead, whose career arc has been meteoric since "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World." Bonus: The film also boasts droopy-eyed cult fave Rufus Sewell of "Dark City" fame.

20th Century Fox

Next Factor: Cooper and Winstead aren't the only up-and-coming talents in "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter," though. There's also Honest Abe himself, Benjamin Walker. Walker already has a pretty gnarly résumé despite his young age -- he was in Clint Eastwood's acclaimed drama "Flags of Our Fathers," just for one -- but "Abraham Lincoln" is poised to take him to the next level. One sign of Hollywood's faith in his potential? He's already working on his next movie, "Paradise Lost" opposite Bradley Cooper. Not too shabby.

Behind the Camera: Director Timur Bekmambetov is on the verge of being the most difficult to pronounce household name in Hollywood. (Step aside, Michel Hazanavicius.) Hardcore fans already know that before his frenetic mainstream debut, the Angelina Jolie shoot-em-up "Wanted," Bekmambetov helmed the acclaimed cult smash Russian horror trilogy "The Night Watch."

Movie Math: Ken Burns' "The Civil War" ÷ "Twilight" x "Wanted"

Backstory: "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" has a pretty solid pedigree as these things go (these things being "movies about dead presidents who battle undead monstrosities"). It's based on the book of the same name by Seth Grahame-Smith, who previously made his name with the bestseller that kicked off the whole genre mashup craze, "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies." Fans desperately hoping to see "Middlemarch" in space should keep their fingers crossed.

Also Check Out: The First "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" Trailer Is Killer

In a Nutshell: The basic idea is, well, pretty obvious. It's right in the title, after all. But since this is a movie and not a postcard, there has to be a little bit more to the plot, so here goes: When a young Abraham Lincoln (Walker) discovers that his mother was killed by vampires, he sets out on a quest to avenge her. With the help of a benevolent vampire (Cooper), Lincoln secretly trains as the ultimate vampire slayer (sorry, Buffy); his training ends up saving our very nation when the evil vampires of the deep South start the Civil War in an attempt to conquer humanity.

20th Century Fox

The Buzz: When you combine an edgy bestseller with a director who brings his own cult following, you've got a recipe for buzz -- and that's before you even add in the vampires. Plus, thanks to the 150th anniversary of the Civil War (or … something), interest in Abraham Lincoln seems to be at an all-time high, what with Steven Spielberg also putting out a Lincoln movie later this year. It all adds up to one of the coolest and most interesting pop culture convergences in recent memory.

Why We're Psyched: It's Lincoln killing vampires. Honestly, it couldn't be simpler than that. But just in case you need more, we have to admit that with this year's presidential election cycle seeming to drag on for an eternity, we could really use both a good old-fashion action film as well as a reminder of just how great some of our nation's leaders can be. Great with an ax and wooden stake, that is. The final lesson of American History 101: Don't f**k with Abe Lincoln.

Originally published Feb. 15, 2012.

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If you thought Carrie White flipped out at her prom in "Carrie," wait until you see the lengths Lola "Princess" Stone -- played by Robin McLeavy -- goes to in "The Loved Ones" to land her dream date. The critically acclaimed 2009 Australian horror film directed by Sean Byrne has been described as a combination of "Pretty in Pink" and "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" for its depiction of lonely Princess kidnapping and torturing (with the help of her dad) the guy she is crushing on. "The Loved Ones" is currently playing in select cities.

Aussie actress McLeavy, who turns 31 this month, comes from a theater background and jumped at the chance to play a girl who is a tad mental. McLeavy chatted us up about getting into her character's headspace and who she will be playing in this summer's "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter."

Your character in "The Loved Ones" is singularly obsessed with taking one lucky guy to a school dance. How did you get into the headspace of a somewhat nutty character?
Well, the fact that she had a few screws loose is what drew me to her character. When I read the script, I loved that it was a female protagonist in a horror film -- because you don’t see that too often -- and she was the perpetrator of the violence. She's kind of this lonely, sad little girl who was just trying to get a date and it all goes horribly wrong. She's got to get her kicks somehow, so luckily she has a dad that helps facilitate that.

In real life, did you enjoy a more traditional and less bloody prom experience?
I didn't actually have a prom. In Australia we call them "socials," which is hilarious. I did always find them pretty awkward, because I went to an all-girls school. The prom is not as much of a big deal as it is in the States, but after watching "Carrie" and all of those prom movies, it's a pretty defining moment in terms of a girl's self-esteem. From that point of view, it was pretty interesting.

Also Check Out: "The Loved Ones" Trailer: Worst. Prom. Ever.

What was your first acting gig?
I have a background in theater. At the time I read "The Loved Ones" script, I was playing Catherine the Great of Russia onstage. Straight after that I played Stella in "A Streetcar Named Desire" and Isabella in "Measure for Measure."

What appealed to me about "The Loved Ones" script was that it had this really theatrical element to it. I thought that the scope of this character is so broad, and there is so much fun to be had playing a crazy teenage loner. It was a great way to explore the delusions a mind can create. When a person has a mental episode, it's exhilarating and everything becomes vivid and more sensual. I ran with that to counteract the darker elements, like loneliness, a lack of intimacy and a dysfunctional family.

What is your dream role?
I love period dramas and language, but I love comedy as well. I used to do a lot of it as a kid and a teenager on my own time with my friends -- putting on silly voices and such. Comedy is definitely something I want to get back into.

Also Check Out: Q&A: "The Loved Ones" Star Xavier Samuel

What is your favorite movie of all time and why?
It's hard to boil [it] down to one movie. I love "The Graduate" and always go back to that. More recently, "A Woman Under the Influence" blew my mind in a thousand different ways. Gena Rowlands is great, and I loved the way [director] John Cassavetes facilitated improvisation.

Tell us about your upcoming role in "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter."
I flew over to America and tested for the role of Mary Todd Lincoln, but I ended up playing the role of Nancy Hanks Lincoln, which was great because it let me play a good-hearted character in the horror genre. She is fostering the future president of the United States, which was a pretty cool idea. Timur [Bekmambetov] is such an amazing director, and his mind is in overdrive all of the time. Marton Csokas, who is also in the movie, did "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" with me onstage in Australia, so we had a couple of defining scenes together in "Abraham Lincoln." Those were the coolest and goriest bits for my role.

Also Check Out: Everything We Know About "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" So Far

Mac or PC?
Mac.

New York or L.A.?
New York.

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Rock or rap?
Rap.

Beer or wine?
Wine.

Twitter or Facebook?
Facebook.

Justin Bieber or Justin Timberlake?
Timberlake.

Vampires, zombies or werewolves?
I guess vampires? [laughs]

Lady Gaga or Madonna?
I'm going to go with Lady Gaga.

Apples or oranges?
Mangos!

UFC or WWE?
UFC is cage-fighting, so I'll go with that. When I was in "Streetcar" with Joel Edgerton, he had just come off "Warrior" and he was obsessed with cage-fighting, so he and I watched a few brutal matches together. I’m a huge martial arts fan.

There are a lot of things to avoid this summer: blistering sun, bug spray, sweating, sunburns, broken air conditioning, puka shell necklaces. Thankfully, heaven can be found indoors, in a movie theater, with functional air conditioning, popcorn and 90+ minutes of pure cinematic bliss.

This summer Hollywood is giving us a lot of "popcorn flicks" to look forward to: a "Spider-Man" reboot, "Men in Black III," a second "G.I. Joe" movie and "Battleship," to name a few. Among all of these big movies are 15 up-and-coming stars who will be heating up the summer. Some of these are people you've seen on TV, and some you've heard on the radio. All of them are quickly on the rise to silver-screen stardom.

Marvel / Columbia Pictures / Universal

PREVIOUS: Who will be summer's most badass babe? >>

This poll will close on May 2 at 12 p.m.

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Watch out, San Diego Comic-Con. Your brother WonderCon has a new home, and apparently, some renewed movie and star power.

Moving south this year from San Francisco to Anaheim, WonderCon unspoiled its most impressive movie slate yet, playing host to summer 2012 blockbusters like "The Amazing Spider-Man," "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter," "Snow White and the Huntsman,"  "Battleship" and "Prometheus," plus a host of other comic and genre-friendly fare looking to build buzz among fanboys and girls.

The rain-filled three-day convention attracted its fair share of celebs, too, with Charlize Theron, Kristen Stewart, Emma Stone, Michael Fassbender, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill all presumably making the short drive down from Los Angeles.

The highlights:

"Prometheus." This was the panel of all panels to attend on Saturday. Director Ridley Scott, making his highly anticipated return to sci-fi, was joined by red-hot stars Charlize Theron (also on hand for "Snow White") and Michael Fassbender. Before screening the stunning new trailer, Scott discussed a possible sequel: "If we're lucky, maybe there'll be a second part to all of this." He followed that up, saying, "The film does leave you with some big, ongoing questions."

Scott also discussed why he shot the film entirely in 3-D; his background in filmmaking comes from visuals and he finds using CGI and computer animation helpful to progressing his creative process. "What I learned from this film, the more you animate digitally ... [the more] you can do anything want ... The challenge is "how original you're going to be.""

A crowd member asked Scott if it was difficult to return to a genre he built his life on early in his career. The answer: not at all. "We're damn lucky to be doing the profession that we do," he said. "I am relieved I'm still allowed to do it."

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"The Amazing Spider-Man." Director Marc Webb, producer Matthew Tolmach and star Emma Stone discussed differentiating this reboot from the previous trilogy, saying there will be more of a focus on Peter Parker's family. "I wanted to create a world that felt emotionally and physically grounded," Webb said.

Webb brought a five-minute clip from "Spider-Man," which had some unrendered effects (you can see the wires and green screen), but that didn't affect the crowd's warm response. There have been many naysayers regarding Spidey's reboot, but it's becoming obvious Webb and his team are beyond passionate about this project. This new footage (coming to interwebs soon?) will no doubt swing a lot of doubting heads the other way.

"Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter." A hilarious video from Tim Burton, a producer on the film, introduced the panel for this genre masher, before  Seth Grahame-Smith (author and screenplay co-writer), Timur Bekmambetov (director) and Benjamin Walker (star) took the stage and introduced a meaty action clip. 

When talking about Lincoln, Walker said he wanted to play someone who is "strong" and "makes compassionate decisions." Plus, he just wanted to "cut some heads off." Bekmambetov discussed the feature adaptation process, saying they wanted to "keep the tone and fun of book," but also wanted to bring something new and fresh for the book's fans, revealing that there is a central villain that was added for the film version.

"Battleship." Director Peter Berg and stars Brooklyn Decker and Alexander Skarsgård joined the WonderCon game to talk about this unlikely "adaptation." 

"Frankly, it doesn't lend itself as the most logical thing to adapt into a film," said Berg, who brought a new trailer and two clips -- the first introducing Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch), brother to Skarsgård's Stone, who clearly has his eyes on Decker's character (and why shouldn't he?), and the second giving us a nice juicy look at the movie's alien life forms, which appear to be ape-like E.T.s in full metal jackets.

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"Snow White and the Huntsman." Director Rubert Sanders was joined by stars Charlize Theron and Kristen Stewart (who went at it a bit at last year's San Diego Comic-Con) for a look at this dark take on the classic fairytale, unveiling a five-minute clip full of knights shattering to pieces, mythical creatures and dwarfs.

When asked about her stunts, Stewart admitted she hurts herself a lot, and had a fear of riding horses because she shattered her wrists riding as a kid. Theron, meanwhile, won first f-bomb-dropping honors at the convention, when describing her character, Queen Ravenna: "Everyone has an idea of her, and there's something nice about f**king with that idea." When someone in the audience asked her how she played evil so well, Theron brought the house down: "That's because I'm a bitch ... Picasso had his blue period, this is my bitch period."

"Resident Evil: Regeneration." Writer/Director Paul W.S. Anderson took the stage to show a new teaser, which is a lot like the first one we saw back in January. "We wanted to make it the biggest and best 'Resident Evil,'" he exclaimed. "It's an epic movie."

Anderson's partner-in-crime (and life) Milla Jovovich joined soon after, and proved yet again that she loves herself a Con, screaming "MORTAL KOMBAT!!!" into the mic upon her arrival. Someone from the audience brought up the fact that she's the first female action hero to do five films in the same franchise. This note pumped up Jovovich as she talked about her character in the series, and how even though she's a complete badass, she still cannot get used to the world that's been overrun by zombies. A sequence of action-packed clips followed.

"Looper." This panel was another anticipated showcase, mostly because we haven't seen a thing about Rian Johnson's time travel movie. That changed with the presentation of the incredible first trailer, featuring Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a time-leaping assassin contracted to take out an older version of himself (Bruce Willis).

The film is very noir-heavy and Johnson has made Gordon-Levitt almost unrecognizable by giving him a prosthetic nose. Johnson and Gordon-Levitt talked about their relationship (they first worked together on Johnson's first film, "Brick") and it's very clear they have built a solid friendship. Gordon-Levitt had profuse praise for the future legacy of his director, saying "They [moviegoers] will talk about him just as much as they do Chris [Nolan] and Steven [Spielberg]." We hope so.

Fox

Prince Charles is actually a werewolf? Good thing Tim Burton is on the case.

The "Dark Shadows" director was unable to attend a recent press event at the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library & Museum in Springfield, Illinois hosted by 20th Century Fox and "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter," but he did manage to film a rather, well, Burton-esque introduction for it.

Burton, who serves as an executive producer on the film, gave the museum a first look at the trailer, footage and behind-the-scenes moments from the upcoming horror comedy -- but not before he put his own personal stamp on the proceedings with his odd black & white video (shot, of course, in a cemetery, or at least on a set that looks like one).

The event was attended by Benjamin Walker (who plays the vampire-hunting 16th President of the United States), director Timur Bekmambetov and co-screenwriter Seth Grahame-Smith (who also wrote the novel). Obviously, Tim Burton was there in spirit.

Check out the delightful weirdness below, courtesy of  Deadline. And if you haven't yet watched the trailer for "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter," you really should.

Fox

If there are two things every red-blooded American loves more than anything else, they're Abraham Lincoln and movies about vampires. So it's only fitting that on the eve of Valentine's Day, director Timur Bekmambetov has issued the first trailer for his love letter to America, "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter."

And no offense to George Washington, but chopping down a cherry tree looks pretty lame compared to what you're about to see Abe do with his axe.

The story in a nutshell: When a young Lincoln (Benjamin Walker) discovers his mother was killed by vampires, he becomes a fearless vampire killer. But his quest for personal revenge takes on larger implications when the vampires decide to try to overthrow America by instigating the Civil War. Can even the nation's top vampire hunter stop them?

Based on our history lessons, we're guessing the answer is yes (spoilers!), but then again, our study guide never mentioned Nosferatu. So check out the trailer yourself, courtesy of Time Magazine -- and see why our 16th president is about to become our number one blockbuster badass:

Warner Bros.

Last week, we got out our calendars and red sharpies and made plans for the first half of 2012. We were gonna do the whole year, but then we got hungry, were shocked to discover there were no more Rolos in the house, went out to get Rolos, then bumped into that guy we met at a thing a while back.

Guess we lost track of time.

But here we are, we still have our calendars -- and with a clear head we can talk about the Fanboy movies happening in mid-June on through the Holidays! Refresh yourself on Part 1, then continue to Part 2 of the 2012 preview below:

June 22 – "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter"

This really feels more like a last-week-in-August movie, right? Maybe they'll be smart and move it. It has midnight movie potential, though. I'm hoping for a real good Salmon P. Chase joke.

June 29 – "G.I. Joe: Retaliation"

I quite enjoyed the first "G.I. Joe." If there's as much Rachel Nichols on a treadmill then we should be....oh, wait...she's not in this one? Huh. But The Rock is? Okay, that's a decent swap.

June 3 – "The Amazing Spider-Man"

Marvel

I have an allegiance to Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire that just won't die and I must admit I'm still neutral about the new gang. (Although... a dude named Webb was born to direct this film.) But everything we've seen so far, from the web shooters to the first-person glee of Spidey in action leads me to believe that this is gonna be good. It's kinda hard to screw up Spider-Man.

July 13 – San Diego Comic-Con

You won't be at the local theater this weekend. You'll either be at the San Diego Convention Center having a myocardial nerdfarction, or you'll be chained to your computer, hitting refresh on NextMovie.com every thirty seconds like the scoop-addicted fanboy you are.

July 20 – "The Dark Knight Rises"

All right, everybody calm down. We need to manage our expectations a little bit. Just because "The Dark Knight" and "Inception" have basically rearranged our relationship with cinema does not mean that this is automatically going to be the greatest thing in the history of all spacetime.

That's what you'll say to yourself moments before the lights go down.

And when you hear the first pulse of Hans Zimmer's score and see the swoop over Gotham you will begin quivering like the endorphin-basted sop that you are.

July 27 – "The Dark Knight Rises" redux

Go see it again this week and maybe you'll understand Bane a little better.

August 3 – Len Wiseman's "Total Recall That Isn't Set On Mars And Doesn't Have Arnold."

Columbia

Oh, good Lord. Uh...y'know, it's already August. Maybe you should go to the beach at least ONE weekend. This seems like a good time to try.

August 10 – Nothin' For Fanboys, Really.

Okay, if people you trust tell you that "Total Recall" is actually good, then you are permitted to go see it. But have backup plans, because this is unlikely.

Aug 17 – "Paranorman"

Oh, crap, you went the whole summer and didn't see your nephew or that platonic dorky girl friend who's really into Neil Gaiman. Thank God for "Paranorman," the stop-motion animation that will no doubt be extremely winning and adorable and crafty and fun.

Sept 14 – "Resident Evil: Retribution"

After two weeks off, there's an Indian Summer rush of fanboy movies. Like another "Resident Evil!"

Not a single one of these movies has ever been good, and yet I've enjoyed watching every one of them. And I never turn it off when I flip to one on cable. Milla Jovovich and Paul W.S. Anderson are truly blessed mystical alchemists of cinematic crap!

I hope she jumps down an elevator shaft with three other copies of herself and shoots machine guns at the camera in slow-motion in 3-D again.

Sept 21 – "Dredd"

Lionsgate

The title is the appropriate adjective I'd have toward this film, if it wasn't Karl Urban in the role. He's so freakin' awesome. In "LOTR," in "Star Trek," even in "Priest," he knows just how much of his teeth to sink into the furniture before going too far. I can't wait to see him in a ridiculous helmet-issuing justice.

Sept 28 – "Looper"

Smart sci-fi! Rian "The Brothers Bloom" Johnson's first foray into fanboy cinema stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt and time travel. I've spoken to people that have already seen it and it supposedly scratches the itch left by an absence of movies like "Moon" this year.

October – Nuthin'

There's nothing yet planned for our kind in November, so here's a spot for a shout-out to three movies that are supposed to come out in 2012, but the precise time is a little sketchy:

"Cloud Atlas" - The Wachowskis and Tom ("Run Lola Run") Tykwer team up for a series of interlocking vignettes spanning the mid-1800s, the '30s, the '70s, today-ish, the future and the whacked-out crazy future. It's got a gi-normous cast including Hugo Weaving (!) and Keith David (!!)

"Sound of My Voice" - More smart sci-fi! This one wowed me at South by Southwest and is about a religious cult from the future. . . kinda. It's really sharp and has that rarest of things, a perfect ending.

"Beyond the Black Rainbow" - One the trippiest movies I've seen ever, this is set in an alternate 1983 when everything looks like the cover of OMNI Magazine and Rush albums. Mind-altering drugs, psychokinesis and lots of synthesizer on the soundtrack. I love this movie to pieces and it is definitely coming out in 2012 and I am forcing every one of you to see it.

Nov 23 – After weeks of nothing – a double shot!

Universal

"47 Ronin" - Keanu Reeves will make you go hari-krazy in this seppu- cool adaptation of the famous Japanese legend. It isn't a straight period piece, there's fantasy elements and giant monsters. Directed by Ridley Scott's daughter's boyfriend, and no matter how good he is he'll be that for the next few films.

"Gravity" - Alfonso Cuaron of "Children of Men" and the only "Harry Potter" film I truly, truly like (sue me) is back with Sandra Bullock (huh?) trapped in the inky blackness of space. It supposedly opens with a 20-minute one-take sequence that will keep film students scratching their heads for years. I have faith.

December 14 – "The Hobbit – An Unexpected Journey"

It's like when you move something in your freezer and discover a huge vat of your favorite flavor of ice cream that you forgot was back there. That's what these two new Peter Jackson "Hobbit" films are to me: two giant drums of unexpected Cherry Garcia.

December 21 - "World War Z"

I'm not really into horror, but I am into speculative concepts, particularly when they involve the end of the world. So I'll give this one a try. And not just because Brad Pitt is dreamy.

December 25 - "Django Unchained"

And. . .this one doesn't necessarily fit into a "fanboy" film either. . .but the idea of Quentin Tarantino doing a Western is very much fulfilling a fantasy.

Come back every Thursday for more intergalactic musings on Planet Fanboy and follow its fearless leader Jordan Hoffman on Twitter!

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Release Date: June 1
Starring: Julianne Hough, Diego Boneta, Tom Cruise
The Scoop: One of the most popular and acclaimed Broadway musicals in recent memory, "Rock of Ages" tells the story of a couple of small-town dreamers who get caught up in the big-city spotlight -- and it tells that story using the transformative power of '80s rock. That's enough for us, but if you're somehow not sold, the film version of "Rock of Ages" also features a Who's Who of Hollywood stars, including Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, Paul Giamatti, Bryan Cranston and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Rock on!

'Snow White and the Huntsman'

Universal

Release Date: June 1
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, Charlize Theron
The Scoop: What if the classic fairy tale "Snow White" was actually a dark and moody fantasy epic? That's the premise behind "Snow White and the Hunstman," which features "Twilight" superstar Kristen Stewart as the titular heroine and Chris Hemsworth ("Thor") as the huntsman sent to kill her. Oh, and the evil queen? Well, thanks to Charlize Theron, who knows a thing or two about murdering rival chicks (see: her Oscar winning performance in "Monster"), we're pretty much going to be avoiding apples for the rest of our life. One of the most anticipated films of the year.

'Prometheus'

20th Century Fox

Release Date: June 8
Starring: Noomi Rapace, Charlize Theron, Patrick Wilson
The Scoop: If it seems like decades since director Ridley Scott last filmed a sci-fi flick, that's because it has been. But since his previous two efforts in the genre happen to be the undisputed classics "Alien" and "Blade Runner," well, chances are the wait was worth it -- especially since "Prometheus," which stars the original "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" Noomi Rapace, looks to be a prequel to the original "Alien." So will lightning strike a third time? "Prometheus" is set to prove that when you play with fire, you're going to get awesome.

'Jack the Giant Killer'

Getty Images

Release Date: June 15
Starring: Nicholas Hoult, Stanley Tucci, Ewan McGregor
The Scoop: If you think vampires, zombies and robots have all pretty much been exhausted at this point, don't worry, because the next big thing is coming -- literally. Yes, it's giants! "Jack the Giant Killer" stars Nicholas Hoult ("X-Men: First Class") as a regular dude who leads an expedition into the land of giants in order to rescue a princess in a modern mashup of "Twilight" and Jack and the Beanstalk." Stanley Tucci, who is required to be in everything (and be awesome in everything) costars, as does Ewan McGregor and noted non-giant Warwick Davis. No spoilers here, but our money is on Jack.

'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter'

20th Century Fox

Release Date: June 22
Starring: Benjamin Walker, Rufus Sewell, Dominic Cooper
The Scoop: If you study history closely, you can learn all sorts of fascinating details. For instance, did you know that our 16th president, Abraham Lincoln, was actually a noted vampire hunter? Okay, it's not true, but imagining Honest Abe throwing down with Nosferatu is awesome enough that we're more than willing to overlook any (minor) historical inaccuracies. Benjamin Walker ("Flags of Our Fathers") plays Lincoln, who, after his mother is murdered by a vampire, decides to eradicate the creatures -- creatures which also happen to be behind the institution of slavery. Suddenly that whole Civil War thing makes a whole lot more sense.

'Brave'

Disney/Pixar

Release Date: June 22
Starring: Kelly Macdonald, Billy Connolly, Emma Thompson
The Scoop: Pixar has made a living -- and some undeniably great films -- by turning fish, insects, cars and robots into wonderfully animated main characters, but aside from "The Incredibles," actual humans have been few and far between. That's set to change in a big way when "Brave" hits theaters. Stepping squarely into Disney Princess territory, "Brave" tells the story of a plucky medieval Scottish lass who rebels against the traditional female role forced on her. Unfortunately, her desire for independence may unleash a hideous evil on the world, which means one thing: quest time! We'd pretty much follow Pixar into hell itself, so if they're "brave" enough to make this movie, we're "Brave" enough to watch it.

'G.I. Joe: Retaliation'

Paramount

Release Date: June 29
Starring: Channing Tatum, Dwayne Johnson, Ray Park
The Scoop: The first "G.I. Joe" wasn't exactly an overwhelming success, but thanks to J.J. Abrams dragging his feet on "Star Trek 2," Paramount suddenly had a giant, blockbuster-sized hole in their 2012 schedule. And who better to call in an emergency than America's most trusted special agents, the folks at "G.I. Joe"? Things look a little bit different this time around -- Channing Tatum returns as lead Joe, but half the cast has been jettisoned in favor of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson -- and expectations are much higher, as "Step Up" and "Justin Bieber: Never Say Never" director John M. Chu steps up behind the camera. The forces of evil have no shot.

'Magic Mike'

Getty Images

Release Date: June 29
Starring: Channing Tatum, Alex Pettyfer, Olivia Munn
The Scoop: Speaking of Channing Tatum, the beefy star is doing double duty on June 29, as "Magic Mike" and "G.I. Joe: Retaliation" go head-to-head at the box office. But they probably don't have quite the same target demographic anyway; "Magic Mike" is the story of a veteran male stripper (that's Tatum -- try not to hyperventilate, ladies) who takes a newbie ("I Am Number Four"s' Alex Pettyfer) under his wing. This one is directed by Steven Soderbergh, who was hoping Tatum could draw on the experiences he gained working a stripper himself as a young man.

'The Amazing Spider-Man'

Columbia Pictures

Release Date: July 3
Starring: Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans
The Scoop: Considering Sam Raimi's "Spider-Man" trilogy is one of the most successful franchises in film history -- and considering it just ended five short, short years ago -- the folks behind this reboot have some pretty big expectations to fill. Luckily, they've got a not-so-secret weapon: Emma Stone, who plays Gwen Stacy opposite spideriffic love interest Peter Parker ("The Social Network" star Andrew Garfield). We're not sure how amazing this "Spider-Man" is going to be, but we're very sure just how amazing Stone is -- and our Awesome-Sense is tingling like crazy.

'Ted'

Getty Images

Release Date: July 13
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Seth MacFarlane
The Scoop: Seth MacFarlane can pretty much do anything he wants to do inside his Fox animation empire, but it turns out that what the creator of "Family Guy," The Cleveland Show" and "American Dad" really wants to do is direct. Hence "Ted," MacFarlane's directorial debut, which stars Mark Wahlberg as a mostly normal guy with one fairly major quirk: His best friend is his fully sentient childhood teddy bear (voiced by MacFarlane, naturally). That becomes an issue when Wahlberg meets the woman of his dreams (Mila Kunis, aka the woman of everyone's dreams). Sorry, Fox, but it looks like MacFarlane may have just found himself another career.

'The Dark Knight Rises'

Warner Bros.

Release Date: July 20
Starring: Christian Bale, Anne Hathaway, Tom Hardy, Gary Oldman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt
The Scoop: When "The Dark Knight" came out in 2008, it became the second highest-grossing film of all time. And the expectations are even higher this time around thanks to a little movie director Christopher Nolan did in his spare time: "Inception." With the "Dark Knight" trilogy and the Christian Bale era both set to come to an end -- and with "Inception" stars Tom Hardy and Joseph Gordon-Levitt cranking up the fan dial -- "The Dark Knight Rises" is poised to become the film event of the summer. We're not sure how you can go higher than the perfection of "The Dark Knight," but if anyone can find a way to rise even further, it's Nolan. We can't wait.

'Neighborhood Watch'

20th Century Fox

Release Date: July 27
Starring: Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill
The Scoop: Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn and Jonah Hill bring the star power and name recognition to this comedy, about a group of bros who form a neighborhood watch to get out of the house and accidentally end up having to save the world. But it's the man behind the camera that has real comedy fans buzzing: Akiva Schaffer. Schaffer, you see, is one third of the "Saturday Night Live" comedy splinter group Lonely Island, and you don't need to be on a boat to know that means major league laughs. His first film, "Hot Rod," wasn't exactly a smash, but with that under his belt, Schaffer is poised to knock "Neighborhood Watch" out of the park. Guess that island won't be lonely for much longer.

'The Bourne Legacy'

Getty Images

Release Date: August 3
Starring: Jeremy Renner, Rachel Weisz, Edward Norton
The Scoop: Matt Damon may be gone, but his film legacy lives on in the form of "The Bourne Legacy," which examines the world of the "Bourne" series without technically being a straight sequel or prequel. Instead, Jeremy Renner heads a mostly new cast as the spy community and the other castoffs from Project Treadstone wrestle with the aftermath of "The Bourne Ultimatum." Film fans looking for some continuity between films can rest easy, as Joan Allen returns in the role of upper level agent Pamela Landy -- and Tony Gilroy, who wrote the first three films, writes and directs -- but this time around it's Renner, not Damon, who will make the movie sink or swim or kill a guy with its bare hands. Or all three at the same time. Hey, it is a "Bourne" film after all.

'Total Recall'

Columbia Tristar

Release Date: August 3
Starring: Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Bryan Cranston, Jessica Biel, Bill Nighy
The Scoop: Philip K. Dick is dead, alas, but his legacy lives on in the unending stream of sci-fi films adapted from his novels and short stories. And just when you thought there were no more to adapt, Hollywood has started remaking the legendary sci-fi author's earlier films, such as this redo of the 199o hit "Total Recall." While the original was a classic tongue-in-cheek Arnold Schwarzenegger action romp, though, the remake -- which stars Colin Farrell in the Arnold role -- aims to be a much more serious and gritty take on the tale of a man who messes around with his own memory and ends up fighting mutants on Mars as a result.

'Warm Bodies'

Getty Images

Release Date: August 10
Starring: Nicholas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, John Malkovich
The Scoop: The summer of Nicholas Hoult continues on August 10 as the star of "Jack the Giant Killer' takes on a menace of a decidedly ... deader variety in "Warm Bodies." Hoult plays a zombie who ends up beginning a relationship with a living girl. What she doesn't know? Well, the fact that he ate her last boyfriend. That will tend to put a damper on things, assuming the whole "zombie" part didn't do that already. So can Hoult do for zombies what R.Pattz did for vampires? If anyone can make the walking dead seem sexy, it's him.

'The Expendables 2'

Lionsgate

Release Date: August 17
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Jason Statham, Jet Li, et al.
The Scoop: If you've ever wanted to raid the local rest home, today is the day, because chances are  it will be emptied out as everyone heads to the theater to see their peers in action in "The Expendables 2." Okay, we kid. We're actually stoked to see Sly Stallone and his ragtag crew of action film veterans get back on the big screen, especially since Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger are expected to have much bigger roles this time around. Despite the title, this pop culture grouping is quickly becoming irreplaceable.

'ParaNorman'

Focus Features

Release Date: August 17
Starring: Kodi Smit-McPhee, Anna Kendrick, Christopher Mintz-Plasse
The Scoop: "ParaNorman" writer-director Chris Butler may not be a familiar name, but fans of animation are certainly familiar with his work as the storyboard artist on films like "Coraline" and "Corpse Bride." Now he's taking that off-kilter aesthetic to new heights, as "ParaNorman" -- which features voicework from the likes of John Goodman, Caesy Affleck and Anna Kendrick -- tells the tale of a kid who uses his ability to speak with the dead to save his town from an ancient curse. Zombie movies: They aren't just for adults any more.

'Argo'

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Release Date: September 14
Starring: Ben Affleck, Bryan Cranston, John Goodman
The Scoop: Director Ben Affleck -- yes, director is his primary credit these days, thanks to "The Town" and "Gone Baby Gone" -- also stars in this amazing true story about the 1979 Iran hostage crisis. Featuring an all-star cast that includes Bryan Cranston, John Goodman, Kyle Chandler and more, "Argo" relates how a group of hostages managed to escape by pretending to be the crew of a fake movie invented by the CIA. "Good Night and Good Luck" writer Grant Heslov cowrote the screenplay with Affleck, so yeah, this one pretty much has awesome all over it. Is it too early for 2013 Oscar buzz yet?

'Savages'

Getty Images

Release Date: September 28
Starring: Aaron Johnson, Taylor Kitsch, Blake Lively
The Scoop: Based on Don Winslow's bestselling thriller of the same name, "Savages" tells the story of two potheads (Aaron Johnson and Taylor Kitsch) who are blackmailed by Mexican drug lords after their shared girlfriend (Blake Lively) is kidnapped. Naturally, they embark on a mission to save her. And since "Savages" is directed by Oliver Stone, you can pretty much bet the house that all hell is going to break loose -- which may explain why notorious hell-breakers Uma Thurman, John Travolta and Benicio Del Toro are in the cast. It's always interesting when Stone goes to work.

'Frankenweenie'

Disney

Release Date: October 5
Starring: Winona Ryder, Catherine O'Hara, Martin Short
The Scoop: Way, way back in the day -- we're talking the early '80s -- an unknown artist by the name of Tim Burton developed a short film by the name of "Frankenweenie" for his bosses at Disney. And they hated it. Fast-forward over two decades and Burton, who in the interim has become an icon of cinema, finally gets his chance to realize his vision of a feature-length "Frankeweenie" film. Take one part Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein" and two parts "The Nightmare Before Christmas," and you'll have the formula for perhaps the most offbeat animated film of the young century. Looks like Burton gets the last laugh this time -- and best of all, we all get to laugh with him.

'The Gangster Squad'

Getty Images

Release Date: October 19
Starring: Sean Penn, Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Josh Brolin
The Scoop: When you see the name of director Ruben Fleischer in the credits, you know it's a certain type of black comedy; after all, this is the guy who brought the world "Zombieland" and "30 Minutes or Less." But not so fast, folks, because "The Gangster Squad" has the kind of cast that serious dreams are made of, with Sean Penn, Ryan Gosling, Josh Brolin, Nick Nolte and a half dozen other big names powering the story of the cops who cleaned up L.A. in the 1940s. Now that's a gang we'd like to be part of.

'My Mother's Curse'

Getty Images

Release Date: November 2
Starring: Seth Rogen, Barbra Streisand, Adam Scott
The Scoop: Buddy comedies are a dime a dozen, and road movies are just about as cheap. You know what costs a little bit more, though? A buddy road comedy starring Seth Rogen and Barbra Streisand. That's right: Rogen and Streisand -- THE Barbra Streisand, mind you -- play a mother and her inventor son who embark on a road trip in a quest to get backing for his latest crazy idea. An idea crazier than Seth Rogen and Barbra Streisand costarring in a buddy road trip? Good luck getting funding for that, pal!

'Skyfall'

Sony

Release Date: November 9
Starring: Daniel Craig, Judi Dench, Javier Bardem
The Scoop: For a while there it looked as though we might never get another James Bond movie, or at least not one while Daniel Craig was still young enough to shake his martini. Luckily all the legal woes that had the franchise stuck in limbo have been cleared up, meaning "Skyfall," Craig's third mission for her Majesty's Secret Service, is a go. And this time around there's a new wrinkle -- or several of them -- as the story focuses on the secret past of Dame Judi Dench's unflappable M. Can Bond save the day again? Unless you're Chicken Little, we're guessing this is one "Skyfall" you can rest easy about.

'The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2'

Summit

Release Date: November 16
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner
The Scoop: Yes, you read that date right: Even though filming on "Breaking Dawn - Part 2" has long since been completed, New Line has decided to sock away some savings for a rainy day by waiting an entire year to release the final installment of "The Twilight Saga." That's basically a form of cruel and unusual punishment for the franchise's billions of fans, but we're guessing that any resentment over the long wait will be erased with one final look into Robert Pattinson's smoldering eyes. And hey, look at the bright side: The delay means you have another whole year to revel in "Twilight" mania. Oh, yeah.

'Gravity'

Getty Images

Release Date: October 19
Starring: Sandra Bullock, George Clooney
The Scoop: Director Alfonso Cuarón has made some pretty sweet movies -- think "Children of Men," "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" and "Y Tu Mamá También" -- so you'd think he wouldn't have much trouble finding stars to appear in his upcoming sci-fi drama about an astronaut who is trapped in space after an accident. But one star after another came and went through "Gravity's" long development process. Luckily, though, Cuarón's own personal gravity finally captured two bona fide A-listers: George Clooney and Sandra Bullock, who's in the lead role. With that kind of star power, chances are you'll have a hard time staying out of this film's orbit.

'The Silver Linings Playbook'

Getty Images

Release Date: November 21
Starring: Bradley Cooper, Julia Stiles, Robert De Niro, Jennifer Lawrence
The Scoop: Bradley Cooper does the rom-com thing in this adaptation of a novel by Matthew Quick. He and his abs star as Pat Peoples, an ex-teacher who is committed to a mental institution for four years. When he finally emerges, he decides to try and get back together with his former wife, with "The Hunger Games" star Jennifer Lawrence acting as a go-between. And you thought your ex was crazy! David O. Russell ("The Fighter") handles directing duties.

'Les Miserables'

Getty Images

Release Date: December 7
Starring: Anne Hathaway, Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe, Sacha Baron Cohen, Helena Bonham Carter
The Scoop: This high-powered adaptation of Victor Hugo's novel of the French Revolution has a lot to live up to, considering the "Les Miserables" musical is one of the most popular and successful shows in history. Director Tom Hooper knows a thing or two about period pieces, though -- you might know his last film, "The King's Speech," or his Emmy-winning miniseries "John Adams" -- and with a cast that includes Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe, he certainly has the talent to pull it off.

'The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey'

New Line

Release Date: December 14
Starring: Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen, Richard Armitage
The Scoop: The most unexpected part of "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey" is the fact that we're getting to see the film at all. Hard to believe, but by the time this thing comes out, it will have been nine long years since Peter Jackson finished off "The Lord of the Rings" by winning 11 Oscars and earning enough money to buy a whole herd of miniature giraffes. Legal matters, though, sent "The Hobbit" into limbo for the last decade, which will make it all the sweeter when Martin Freeman finally gets to don his hairy prosthetic feet and embark on J.R.R. Tolkien's legendary quest as Bilbo, the hobbit who had the courage to leave home to find a dragon. About effing time.

'Life of Pi'

Mariner Books

Release Date: December 21
Starring: Tobey Maguire, Irrfan Khan, Tabu, Suraj Sharma
The Scoop: First off, before you panic, there's not really any math in "Life of Pi." Pi happens to be the name of an Indian kid who survives a shipwreck only to find himself stranded on an island with a menagerie of weird animals. Based on the novel of the same name by Yann Martel, "Life of Pi" is directed by Ang Lee, who previously won an Oscar for helming "Brokeback Mountain." "Life of Pi" was originally scheduled to debut on December 14, but wisely moved to avoid being steamrolled by "The Hobbit," so adjust your calendar accordingly.

'This Is Forty'

Getty Images

Release Date: December 21
Starring: Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, Jason Segel, Melissa McCarthy
The Scoop: Paul Rudd and his best bro Judd Apatow are back together for another comedy from the Apatow factory, this time with a bit of a twist: Rudd and costar Leslie Mann are reprising their roles from the 2007 film "Knocked Up," with Jason Segel in support this time instead of vice versa. So what can you expect from "This Is Forty"? Well, given the cast and the pedigree, expect more of the patented Apatow humor -- and don't be surprised if a couple of years from now there's another spin-off featuring one of this film's supporting players.

'World War Z'

Getty Images

Release Date: December 21
Starring: Brad Pitt, Matthew Fox, James Badge Dale
The Scoop: There are zombie movies, and then there are zombie movies starring Brad Pitt. Which are you going to go with? Well, if you answered Brad Pitt, then you're in luck, because "World War Z" stars Pitt as a member of the human resistance fighting back in a war against the zombie horde. He's joined in his efforts by Matthew Fox ("Lost") and the always awesome James Badge Dale ("Shame"). And it's not just the talent in front of the camera that deserves a nod; directed by acclaimed filmmaker Marc Forster ("Monster's Ball," "Finding Neverland"), this adaptation of the popular Max Brooks novel was produced by Pitt from a screenplay cowritten by "Babylon 5" creator J. Michael Straczynski. Zombies, you don't stand a chance.

'Django Unchained'

Getty Images

Release Date: December 25
Starring: Jamie Foxx, Leonardo DiCaprio, Christoph Waltz, Kurt Russell, Samuel L. Jackson
The Scoop: Quentin Tarantino might have killed Hitler in his last movie, but that was pretty much just a warm-up for his most audacious film yet, "Django Unchained," which stars Jamie Foxx as a runaway slave who returns to the plantation to wreak vengeance on those who mistreated him. An all-star lineup of superstars (Leonardo DiCaprio, anyone?) and Tarantino favorites (Christoph Waltz, Samuel L. Jackson) round out this revenge fantasia. A Tarantino movie about slavery? That comes out on Christmas day? We're not sure the Internet will be able to handle it.

'The Great Gatsby'

Getty Images

Release Date: December 25
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Carey Mulligan, Joel Edgerton
The Scoop: The novel that has been described as the quintessential American story is being adapted for the big screen by a fairly unlikely figure: the unabashed ambassador of all things Australian, Baz Luhrmann. Frankly, though, it's hard to imagine the F. Scott Fitzgerald classic being in better hands, especially with Leonardo DiCaprio and Carey Mulligan on board in the lead roles. Of course, audience attention may be a bit split -- DiCaprio's collaboration with Quentin Tarantino, "Django Unchained," comes out the same day -- but that's fine, as a Luhrmann-Tarantino double feature is a real Christmas gift.

'Lincoln'

Getty Images

Release Date: December
Starring: Daniel Day-Lewis, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Tommy Lee Jones
The Scoop: There are films with serious pedigrees, and then there's "Lincoln," which exists on a whole different level: The story of America's most beloved and revered figure is being directed by Steven Spielberg, with acting legend Daniel-Day Lewis in the lead role. He's also supported in this adaptation of the Doris Kearns Goodwin book "Team of Rivals" by the stellar Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Tommy Lee Jones among many, many others, leaving us with just one question: Is Spielberg also going to adopt a third name for this production? Either way, "Lincoln" is the perfect way to cap off what is shaping up to be a great year of cinema.

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If your parents like movies, then stress no more. We've got 12 presents -- not just books and DVDs, but cool stuff like a garden zombie and a real movie theater seat -- at least one of which will make them say, "You're our favorite."

And then you can save that tie for Father's Day.

More Gift Guides:

The 20 Coolest Movie-Themed Holiday Gifts

Holiday Gift Ideas for Twi-Hards

Holiday Gift Ideas for Fanboys

The Best DVD & Blu-ray Holiday Gift Ideas

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If Benjamin Walker thinks that his coolest role ever is playing a version of our sixteenth president who's hell-bent on battling bloodsuckers, he might very well be right.

Coming in at a close second though, is playing the guy who fights the devil while wearing wings.

Deadline reports that the "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" star is in talks to play archangel Michael in Legendary Pictures' upcoming "Paradise Lost." The movie, inspired by John Milton's epic poem, has already signed "I, Robot" director Alex Proyas on to direct, in addition to casting Bradley Cooper as the man with the evil plan, Lucifer.

Walker, whose past credits include roles in "Flags of Our Fathers" and "Kinsey," is the clear choice for the role, according to Proyas.

"His deal isn't closed yet, but I think there's a wonderful duality about Ben's persona, this combination of great strength and perfect innocence that works so well for Michael," he told Deadline. "And Bradley is the most charming guy you'll ever meet, with this extraordinary charisma. Lucifer was the brightest and smartest of the archangels, and even as he descended into evil and evolved into Satan, he's not just some black-and-white villain. Bradley brings extraordinary depth to that journey."

The movie, which begins filming in Sydney in early 2012, won't cut any corners when it comes to the good-versus-evil action. Proyas says of the film, which has been seven years in the making, "I don't think the visuals could have been done justice until now, which is the great fun of being a film director in this modern age of visual effects. Despite all those possibilities, the characters are what's most important...

"It's not just armies battling in an epic war. This is an adventure about the origins of good and evil."

Grand Central Publishing

For over a century, it has been one of the world's most burning questions: If Abraham Lincoln fought his own clone, who would win?

Okay, so maybe we're overstating the importance of the question, but that isn't going to stop Hollywood from answering it. And next year's showdown between "Lincoln" and "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" is just one example of the many projects in the movie pipeline that are fighting with their own clones. Everyone from Snow White to Osama Bin Laden is racing to get to the theater before their evil twin gets there first.

So with that in mind, we thought we'd take a look at some of the films that may soon have you seeing double. Because in Hollywood, if an idea is good enough to film, it's good enough to copy.

'Untitled Snow White Project' vs. 'Snow White and the Huntsman'

'Untitled Snow White Project'

Starring: Julia Roberts and Lily Collins
Director: Tarsem Singh
Source Material: The Brothers Grimm fairy tale "Snow White"
Planned Release Date: March 2012

'Snow White and the Huntsman'

Starring: Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth
Director: Rupert Sanders
Source Material: The Brothers Grimm fairy tale "Snow White"
Planned Release Date: June 2012

Movie Fight: In the battle between the two "Snow White" projects, which will end up finding its Prince Charming? Well, Tarsem Singh moved his untitled project starring Julia Roberts as the Evil Queen and Lily Collins as Snow White up to March in order to get into theaters first. Still, the smart money has to be on "Snow White and the Huntsman," which features Kristen Stewart as Snow and "Thor" star Chris Hemsworth as the Hunstman who saves her life. Life lesson number one: Never bet against the power of Twi-Hards.

'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter' vs. 'Lincoln'

'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter'

Starring: Benjamin Walker and Mary Elizabeth Winstead
Director: Timur Bekmambetov
Source Material: "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" by Seth Grahame-Smith
Planned Release Date: June 22, 2012

'Lincoln'

Starring: Daniel Day-Lewis and Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Director: Steven Spielberg
Source Material: "Team of Rivals" by Doris Kearns Goodwin
Planned Release Date: December 2012

Movie Fight: We've got a pretty strong feeling that nobody will really be confusing these two projects. After all, one of them portrays our 16th president as a vampire-killing agent of the supernatural, while the other one... doesn't. This may be one of the few instances where the wildly different takes on the same basic idea end up helping rather than hurting, as pro-Lincoln hype of any kind can only help both films. We're just hoping Abe keeps a silver crucifix under that top hat.

'Inferno: A Linda Lovelace Story' vs. 'Lovelace'

Kensington

'Inferno: A Linda Lovelace Story'

Starring: Malin Akerman and Matt Dillon
Director: Matthew Wilder
Source Material: "Ordeal: The Truth Behind Deep Throat" by Linda Lovelace
Planned Release Date: 2012

'Lovelace'

Starring: Kate Hudson (rumored)
Directors: Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman
Source Material: "The Complete Linda Lovelace" by Eric Danville
Planned Release Date: 2012

Movie Fight: Matthew Wilder's take on the life and struggles of "Deep Throat" star Linda Lovelace seemed to be derailed earlier this year when the director became the one millionth person in Hollywood forced to give up on Lindsay Lohan. Luckily, he snapped up Malin Akerman as a replacement, meaning "Inferno" may get the jump on "Lovelace," which is still trying to lock down its cast.

'Greetings From Tim Buckley' vs. 'Untitled Jeff Buckley Project'

'Greetings From Tim Buckley'

Starring: Penn Badgley
Director: Dan Algrant
Source Material: The Tim Buckley Estate
Planned Release Date: 2012

'Untitled Jeff Buckley Project'

Starring: Unknown
Director: Jake Scott
Source Material: "Dream Brother: The Lives and Music of Jeff and Tim Buckley" by David Browne
Planned Release Date: 2013

Movie Fight: "Gossip Girl" star Penn Badgley recently landed the role of a lifetime -- he's set to play iconic and tragic singer Jeff Buckley in a story that will highlight Buckley's struggles to connect to the music of his musician father, Tim Buckley, who also died young. However, it's not just the role of Badgley's lifetime, because someone else will also be playing Buckley in an adaptation of the biography "Dream Brother" ("Twilight" heartthrob Robert Pattinson has even reportedly expressed interest in the role). Considering the competing films are each backed by a different estate (one by Tim's and one by Jeff's), we can safely say we don't want to be around that household for Thanksgiving.

'Kill Bin Laden' vs. 'SEAL Team Six'

'Kill Bin Laden'

Starring: Joel Edgerton
Director: Kathryn Bigelow
Source Material: "Kill Bin Laden" by Mark Boal
Planned Release Date: 2012

'SEAL Team Six'

Starring: Unknown
Director: Unknown
Source Material: "SEAL Team Six: Memoirs of an Elite Navy SEAL Sniper" by Howard E. Wasdin
Planned Release Date: 2014

Movie Fight: Say this for Oscar-winning director Kathryn Bigelow: She has a hell of a sense of timing. As it happens, Bigelow and "Hurt Locker" writer Mark Boal were already well into pre-production on an adaptation of his book "Kill Bin Laden" when the SEAL Team Six, you know, killed Bin Laden. Still, while they will almost certainly get their version out first, Hollywood is also stoked to adapt the memoir "SEAL Team Six," which just happened to be published a couple short weeks after Bin Laden's death. Score another win for SEAL Team Six.

'Diana: Closely Guarded Secret' vs. Untitled Princess Diana Biopic

'Diana: Closely Guarded Secret'

Starring: Charlize Theron
Director: Stephen Evans
Source Material: "Diana: Closely Guarded Secret" by Ken Wharfe
Planned Release Date: 2013

Untitled Princess Diana Biopic

Starring: Keira Knightley and Helen Mirren (rumored)
Director: Unknown
Source Material: the life of Princess Diana
Planned Release Date: 2013

Movie Fight: The biggest hurdle preventing Charlize Theron's portrayal of the late Princess Diana may not be the competing Pathé project rumored to star Keira Knightley as Di and Helen Mirren as Queen Elizabeth, but rather Theron's own incredibly busy schedule. Given the recent media blitz surrounding the royal wedding of Diana's eldest son, Prince William, it's clear there's still plenty of audience interest. We're especially curious to see how the paparazzi end up covering the filming of a Princess Diana movie. Meta much?

'Oz: The Great and Powerful' vs. 'Wicked'

Wicked a New Musical

'Oz: The Great and Powerful'

Starring: James Franco, Mila Kunis and Rachel Weisz
Director: Sam Raimi
Source Material: Frank L. Baum's "Wizard of Oz" series
Planned Release Date: March 8, 2013

'Wicked'

Starring: Unknown
Director: Unknown
Source Material: "Wicked" by Gregory Maguire
Planned Release Date: 2014

Movie Fight: After much ballyhoo over the possibility of landing either Johnny Depp or Robert Downey Jr., "Spider-Man" director Sam Raimi finally settled on James Franco to play the wonderful wizard in an "Oz" prequel entitled "Oz: The Great and Powerful." While that movie chugs along at Disney, though, a high-profile adaptation of the hit Broadway musical "Wicked" is also underway, though no stars have yet been signed. One way or another, though, there will be flying monkeys, and that's all that we care about.

'Malificent' vs. 'Sleeping Beauty'

'Malificent'

Starring: Angelina Jolie
Director: David O. Russell
Source Material: The classic fairy tale
Planned Release Date: 2014

'Sleeping Beauty'

Starring: Hailee Steinfeld
Director: Unknown
Source Material: The classic fairy tale
Planned Release Date: 2014

Movie Fight: Disney is synonymous with "Sleeping Beauty," thanks to its classic 1959 animated version of the fairy tale; so you would think that the studio's revisionist take on the story, featuring Angelina Jolie as the villainous Malificent, would have the upper hand. But considering "Malificent" focuses on the dark side, it may not really be in competition with the more traditional "Sleeping Beauty," which is set to feature "True Grit" phenom Hailee Steinfeld as a girl fighting her way through a dangerous dreamscape to escape the prison of endless slumber. We can't wait to see both.

'Don Quixote' vs. 'The Man Who Killed Don Quixote'

'Don Quixote'

Starring: Unknown
Director: Joel Silver (producer)
Source Material: "Don Quixote" by Miguel de Cervantes
Planned Release Date: 2013

'The Man Who Killed Don Quixote'

Starring: Ewan McGregor and Robert Duvall
Director: Terry Gilliam
Source Material: "Don Quixote" by Miguel de Cervantes
Planned Release Date: The Twelfth of Never

Movie Fight: One the one hand, we have a film that's barely in the scripting process, having just been given the fast track by Warner Bros.; and on the other hand, we have a film that one of the most famous directors in the world has been working on for over a decade. So why do we think the new project will make it to theaters first? Well, you could make an entire movie over the multiple failures and breakdowns that have plagued Gilliam's version of "Don Quixote" -- in fact, filmmakers Keith Fulton and Louis Pepe did just that with the acclaimed documentary "Lost in La Mancha." We're impressed Gilliam's still trying, but we wouldn't bet the farm on ever seeing his vision in theaters. Talk about tilting at windmills.

DreamWorks

The Cannes Film Festival is known for many things -- red carpets, star-studded galas, critics booing movies -- but this year it's become known for something new: vampires.

That's because two new high-profile vampire films, from famed directors Neil Jordan and Jim Jarmusch, were announced at this year's festival. And considering these are just the latest entries in the hottest film craze of the decade, we thought now would be a good time to take look at those projects as well as eight other upcoming vampire movies.

Vampires are immortal, after all -- which means this is one craze that could be with us forever.

'Fright Night'

Attached: Anton Yelchin, Colin Farrell, David Tennant
Status: The original "Fright Night," which came out back in 1985, is something of a classic in the horror genre. So why remake the story of a teen who discovers his neighbor is a vampire? Probably because the producers had one of the hottest young actors around ("Star Trek's" Anton Yelchin), a proven A-list star (Colin Farrell), a cult hero ("Doctor Who's" David Tennant) and a cultural zeitgeist that makes vampire films like this potential box-office gold.
Release Date/Year: Aug. 19, 2011

Summit

'The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 and 2'

Attached: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner
Status: The first part of the last part of the biggest vampire epic ever made (sorry, but that's a fact) arrives in theaters this November, with the final chapter of "The Twilight Saga" set to follow a year later. But will these really be the last installments of author Stephenie Meyer's record-setting franchise? It's already known that she had begun a fifth book before scrapping it following internet leaks, plus there's that "Bree Tanner" novella floating around. We have a feeling Summit Entertainment might find reasons to squeeze another sequel or prequel out of this at some point -- about two billion reasons.
Release Date/Year: November 18, 2011; November 16, 2012

'Underworld: New Dawn'

Attached: Kate Beckinsale, Michael Ealy, India Eisley
Status: Are you guys ready to celebrate a decade of "Underworld" movies? Kate Beckinsale is, as the star of the first two installments of "Underworld" returns after skipping 2009's "Rise of the Lycans." This time around, the franchise about vampires fighting werewolves takes a page from the "Twilight" playbook, not only with the evocative "New Dawn" title but also from a plot perspective, as Beckinsale's Selene discovers she has a half-vampire daughter that she needs to protect in order to prevent the latest Lycan apocalypse. Sorry, Renesmee, you're yesterday's news.
Release Date/Year: January 20, 2012

'Dark Shadows'

Attached: Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Chloe Moretz
Status: The granddaddy of the modern vampire genre, "Dark Shadows" was a pop phenomenon when it debuted as a daytime soap (seriously) back in 1966. Now no less a personage than Johnny Depp steps into the iconic role of moody, ancient vampire Barnabas Collins. And considering he's joined by frequent collaborator Helena Bonham Carter and young vampire expert Chloe Moretz ("Let Me In") -- not to mention uber-director Tim Burton -- we have a feeling that this version of "Dark Shadows" may prove to be even more popular than the original.
Release Date/Year: May 11, 2012

Grand Central Publishing

'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter'

Attached: Benjamin Walker, Rufus Sewell, Dominic Cooper, Mary Elizabeth Winstead
Status: "Wanted" director Timur Bekmambetov steps back in time to detail an even more violent time in American history, one you won't find in any high school text book -- the period where Abraham Lincoln became a professional vampire hunter. Yup. Based on the novel by Seth Grahame-Smith, "Vampire Hunter" is the latest mashup from the minds that brought the world "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies." Benjamin Walker will star as our nation's 16th president, while "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World" star Mary Elizabeth Winstead co-stars as Mary Todd Lincoln. And you co-star as a slack-jawed viewer.
Release Date/Year: June 22, 2012

Untitled Jim Jarmusch Vampire Movie

Attached: Michael Fassbender, Tilda Swinton, Mia Wasikowska, John Hurt
Status: Indie auteur Jim Jarmusch is about the last guy you would expect to be making a vampire film; after all, he's best known for quirky mood pieces like "Broken Flowers" and "Stranger Than Paradise." But that's what makes this "crypto-vampire" love story starring the equally quirky Tilda Swinton such an intriguing prospect; the fact that it's also going to split time between Tangiers and, er, Detroit (?!) and features the always enigmatic John Hurt in a key role only makes it more interesting. We have a feeling this ain't exactly gonna be "Twilight."
Release Date/Year: 2012

'Byzantium'

Attached: Saoirse Ronan, Gemma Arterton
Status: Director Neil Jordan is no stranger to vamps, having helped kick off Hollywood's current love affair with the undead through his 1994 Anne Rice adaptation "Interview With the Vampire." Now he's back with a look at the bloodsuckers through a different lens: that of motherhood, with Gemma Arterton and Saoirse Ronan set to play a mother-daughter team of nosferatu on the prowl. The project, which is based on a play by author Moira Buffini, will likely begin filming in October for release next year.
Release Date/Year: 2012

'High Midnight'

Attached: Vincent D'Onofrio, Rachel Leigh Cook, Elizabeth Hurley
Status: Veteran horror director Mary Lambert ("Pet Sematary") brings another twist on the vampire genre: the vampire western. Vincent d'Onofrio stars as a 19th century lawman who must face down something a little worse than banditos -- undead, bloodsucking banditos. Much as we like the shout out to the classic western "High Noon," we think they might have done better to title the film "Cowboys & Vampires." Either way, we're looking forward to this boot hill showdown.
Release Date/Year: 2012

WB

'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'

Attached: Not Joss Whedon
Status: Oh, boy. Maybe you've heard of this one: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" started off as a poorly received film in 1992 before being remade by creator Joss Whedon in 1997 as one of the most influential and important cult shows in television history. Now Warner Bros. has decided to reboot the franchise -- about a teenage girl who discovers she is fated to hunt down vampires -- without Whedon's involvement. Frankly, it seems like a terrible idea, but one thing is for sure: Either way, this "Buffy" is going to be one of the most talked about vampire films in recent memory.
Release Date/Year: 2012/13

'The Last Voyage of Demeter'

Attached: Jude Law, Noomi Rapace, Ben Kingsley
Status: "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" director David Slade returns not just to vampires, but to the root of all vampire stories in this tale spun straight out of the pages of Bram Stoker's classic novel "Dracula." The title refers to the doomed ship Demeter, which in the novel mysteriously runs aground in England with no living soul on board -- a result of unwittingly transporting Dracula's coffin. An all-star cast including Jude Law, Noomi Rapace ("Girl With the Dragon Tattoo") and Sir Ben Kingsley will reveal the terrifying events of that fateful voyage. Sounds pretty awesome.
Release Date/Year: 2013

Fox

Since the beginning of time, books have been a conduit of learning, a cornerstone of human communication and, most important of all, the primary source for awesome movies.

Just check out the new Robert Pattinson vehicle "Water for Elephants," based on Sara Gruen's bestseller, if you don't believe us -- only a true literary genius could have ever dreamed up that gravity-defying head of hair.

And considering that some of the most beloved movies of the past decade have come straight off of the page -- "Harry Potter, "Twilight" and "The Lord of the Rings" just to name a few -- the marriage between books and film has never been stronger.

With that in mind, then, we decided to put together a sneak peak of all the coolest books currently being turned into major motion pictures.

Because every time you open a book, you're seeing tomorrow's movies today.

'Snow Flower and the Secret Fan'

Fox Searchlight

Attached: Bingbing Li, Hugh Jackman, Gianna Lun, Vivian Wu
Status: Based on the acclaimed novel of the same name by author Lisa See, "Snow Flower and the Secret Fan" tells the story of two women in 19th century-China whose friendship is sustained through a secret code written on fans. Originally set to star Zhang Ziyi, "Snow Flower" was filmed in China by the Chinese studio Hengdian World Studios, but is being distributed by Fox Searchlight. Hugh Jackman is one of the first A-list Hollywood stars to work under the Chinese studio system, a fact which no doubt influenced Fox's decision to bring the film stateside.
Release Date/Year: July 15, 2011

'The Help'

'Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close'

Attached: Tom Hanks, Sandra Bullock, John Goodman, James Gandolfini, Thomas Horn
Status: Now that it's been a decade since the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, we're likely to see 9/11 in more major Hollywood movies. "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close" tells the story of a little boy whose father is killed in the bombing; when the kid finds a mysterious key, he goes on a quest to unlock the secrets of his dad's life and death. Author Jonathan Safran Foer was accused by some of exploiting the tragedy; now director Stephen Daldry is said to be trying to rush production in order to release the film on the 10^th anniversary of the attacks on September 11, 2011. Take that for what you will.
Release Date/Year: September 11, 2011 -- but probably not actually until 2012

'Breaking Dawn'

Summit

Attached: Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Kristen Stewart
Status: Author Stephenie Meyer penned this obscure little novel a few years ago, to little fanfare, but now it's… oh, who are we kidding. You probably already know everything there is to know about the eagerly awaited adaptation of the fourth and final (?) novel in Meyer's record-shattering "Twilight" series. The action is so big this time around, though, that they had to break it into two parts; the second half of the story won't land in theaters until Nov. 16, 2012.
Release Date/Year: Nov. 18, 2011

'The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo'

Attached: Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara, Robin Wright, Stellan Skarsgard
Status: Stop us if you've heard this before; since his death, Steig Larsson's 2005 novel "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" and its two sequels have become the hottest literary sensation in the world. They've already spawned a trilogy of acclaimed Swedish movies, but Hollywood doesn't like subtitles quite as much as they like money, so director David Fincher has put together a new, big budget version for domestic audiences to throw cash at. Ourselves included, of course; we can't wait to see "The Social Network's" Mara as iconic punk hacker Lisbeth Salander.
Release Date/Year: Dec. 21, 2011

'The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn'

Attached: Daniel Craig, Cary Elwes, Simon Pegg, Jamie Bell, Andy Serkis
Status: Filming has already been completed in this big budget adaptation of the classic children's series by legendary cartoonist. Herge. "The Secret of the Unicorn" was actually the 11th book in the series when it came out in 1943, but hey, who's counting? Certainly not Steven Spielberg, who directed the movie using motion capture and CGI goodness and who has promised to film a whole bunch more of these suckers if people enjoy the first one. We're inclined to give Spielberg the benefit of the doubt; after all, he has a pretty good track record with these kinds of things.
Release Date/Year: Dec. 28, 2011

'On the Road'

Attached: Kirsten Dunst, Garrett Hedlund, Kristen Stewart, Amy Adams, Viggo Mortensen
Status:Based on the classic 1951 beat novel by Jack Kerouac, "On the Road" has been adapted for the screen several times, but few of those productions have the kind of acting pedigree this latest version can boast: besides big names like Viggo Mortensen, Amy Adams,  Kristen Stewart and Garrett Hedlund, critical favorites like Steve Buscemi, Elisabeth Moss and Terrence Howard help round out the terrific cast. Filming finished late last year, but we're still waiting for the trailer to come out. Let's go, people!
Release Date/Year: 2011

'Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy'

Attached: Gary Oldman, Tom Hardy, Colin Firth, Ciaran Hinds
Status: This popular 1974 novel by espionage author John le Carre stars Gary Oldman as Smiley, a retired spy who is forced to come out of retirement in order to root out a mole that has infiltrated the upper echelon of his own intelligence agency. The red hot Tom Hardy joins him in the first Hollywood film for acclaimed Swedish director Tomas Alfredson, who wowed audiences with his 2008 horror movie "Let the Right One In." Not to mention the movie also features a certain Oscar-winning actor by the name of Colin Firth. Count us intrigued.
Release Date/Year: 2011

'Neuromancer'

Attached: Director Vincenzo Natali
Status: "Cube" writer and director Vincenzo Natali is working hard on an adaptation of William Gibson's seminal 1984 cyberpunk novel "Neuromancer," but sometimes hard work doesn't necessarily pay off; despite years of development, this project seems to be stalled out right now. Last year, rumor had it that Liv Tyler was going to have a starring role, but at this point, it's anyone's guess who will be cast. The 2011 release date for "Neuromancer" seems extremely optimistic.
Release Date/Year: 2011

'The Woman in Black'

Alliance Films

Attached: Daniel Radcliffe, Ciaran Hinds, Janet Mcteer, Shaun Dooley
Status: Daniel Radcliffe knows a thing or two about starring in a book adaptation, so the latest version of "The Woman in Black" (the moody horror story from author Susan Hill was previously adapted in Britain back in 1989) would seem to be in good hands. Of course, the big question is whether or not audiences are ready to accept Radcliffe in any role other than "Harry Potter," which he has been intimately identified with for over a decade. We're curious to see the results.
Release Date/Year: February 10, 2012

'Dr. Seuss' The Lorax'

Attached: Zac Efron, Ed Helms, Danny DeVito, Betty White, Rob Riggle
Status: Back in 1971, beloved children's author Dr. Seuss published "The Lorax," a timely parable about the imminent dangers facing the environment. And since then, of course, all humanity has embraced its message and cleaned up the world. No? OK, well maybe they will after they watch this big-budget animated version featuring the voices of stars like Betty White, Zac Efron and Danny DeVito. Probably not, but here's hoping.
Release Date/Year: March 2, 2012

Scholastic

'The Hunger Games'

Attached: Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, Liam Hemsworth, Director Gary Ross
Status: "Seabiscuit" shot-caller Gary Ross is set to helm this eagerly awaited adaptation of the first book in this wildly popular series from author Suzanne Collins; maybe you heard the shrieks of joy and despair that eminated from every corner of the internet when "Winter's Bone" star Jennifer Lawrence was signed on as main character Katniss Everdeen. With Josh Hutcherson and Liam Hemsworth also on board as rival hotties vying for her heart, "The Hunger Games" is on track to begin filming in May.
Release Date/Year: March 2, 2012

'Atlas Shrugged: Part 2 and 3'

Attached: Taylor Schilling, Edi Gathegi, Paul Johansson, Matthew Marsden
Status: After 35 years in development hell, the first part of Ayn Rand's politically charged manifesto finally hit the big screen just in time for tax day this year after being rushed into production literally at the last possible moment; John Aglialoro, who owns the film rights, got the film underway just one day before his rights were going to lapse. Assuming the first film does well enough to warrant filming the rest of the book, the movie is set to become a tax day staple, as the final two installments are tentatively scheduled for April 15 of 2012 and 2013.
Release Date/Year: April 15, 2012; April 15, 2013

'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter'

Attached: Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Rufus Sewell
Status: Seth Grahame-Smith's historical horror mashup just came out last year, but filming has already begun on the big budget adaptation, with "Wanted" director Timur Bekmambetov behind the camera. And in front of the camera is a cast of fresh-faced stars-in-the-making, including Benjamin Walker ("Flags of Our Fathers") as Lincoln and Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Scott Pilgrim vs. the World") as his wife. Gnarly.
Release Date/Year: June 22, 2012

'The Bourne Legacy'

Attached: N/A
Status: Here's what we know about the fourth movie in the "Bourne" franchise: It will be released in 2012 and it takes its name from the 2004 novel by Eric Van Lustbader, who was charged with continuing the series after creator Robert Ludlum's death. And Tony Gilroy, who wrote the first three movies, will apparently be directing this one. Here's what we don't know: who will be in it, as Matt Damon has dropped out in favor of a yet-to-be-cast group playing black ops members affected by the events in the first three movies. We've heard of sequels and prequels, but are you ready for the side-quel?
Release Date/Year: Aug. 3, 2012

'The Life of Pi'

Attached: Suraj Sharma, Tobey Maguire, Gerard Depardieu
Status: Acclaimed director Ang Lee ("Brokeback Mountain," "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon") is behind the push to adapt the popular 2001 novel by Yann Martel about an Indian boy who survives a shipwreck and spends months afloat with only a giant tiger as a companion. Several previous attempts at making a film version failed, with folks like M. Night Shyamalan and Alfonso Cuaron failing to get it done, but this time around it looks like the film is a finally go; shooting began in January with Tobey Maguire and Gerard Depardeiu now on board as well.
Release Date/Year: December 14, 2012

New Line

'The Hobbit'

Attached: Martin Freeman, Bret McKenzie, Ian McKellan, Director Peter Jackson
Status: Ever since "The Lord of the Rings" blew up the movie landscape last decade, fans and Hollywood pundits alike have been wondering just when director Peter Jackson would get off his duff and film J.R.R. Tolkein's classic 1937 prequel "The Hobbit." Well, it's finally happening, with the UK's "Office" alum Martin Freeman as Bilbo Baggins (and a bunch of relative unknowns as his dwarf entourage). Fans still have a while to wait though; the movie, which is being divided into two parts, has just begun production down in New Zealand and won't be in theaters for almost another two years. That gives us plenty of time to work on our Smaug costumes at least.
Release Date/Year: December 19, 2012

'Lay the Favorite'

Attached: Director Stephen Frears
Status: Stephen Frears has made some cool flicks in his day -- "The Queen," "High Fidelity," etc. -- but "Lay the Favorite" has the potential to be one of this coolest. Based on a memoir from author Beth Raymer which was just published a few months ago, "Lay the Favorite" tells the tale of how Raymer went to Las Vegas and got a job as a bookie's assistant. Considering the film recently signed on Bruce Willis, Justin Timberlake and Catherine Zeta-Jones, it looks like "Lay the Favorite" just became one of the favorites itself.
Release Date/Year: 2012

'The Caster Chronicles'

Little, Brown

Attached: N/A
Status: The latest young adult fantasy series to be gobbled up by execs hoping to recapture the magic of "Harry Potter" (no pun intended… or is it?!), "The Caster Chronicles," from authors Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl, tells the story of a guy who gets pulled into a secret world of witches and whatnot. Screenwriter Richard LaGravenese, who recently penned the adaptation of the Robert Pattinson vehicle "Water for Elephants," wrote the script and will be stepping behind the camera as director as well. Pre-production is expected to begin this year, with casting to follow. Fingers crossed.
Release Date/Year: 2012

'Odd Thomas'

Attached: Anton Yelchin, Willem Dafoe, Nico Tortorella, Addison Timlin, Patton Oswalt
Status: Horror author Dean R. Koontz is no stranger to having his books adapted for the big screen -- and he's also no stranger to seeing them completely tank (anyone remember "Watchers 3" or "Phantoms?"). This time around, though, it looks like the story of a guy who can see evil spirits is in pretty good hands: "Star Trek's" Anton Yelchin has signed on as the lead, while up-and-comer Nico Torotrella ("Scream 4") and veteran Willem Dafoe (the guy with that face) are set to join him. Filming is set to begin on May 2.
Release Date/Year: 2012

'Anna Karenina'

Attached: Keira Knightley, Jude Law, Aaron Johnson
Status: Little is known about this latest adaptation of Leo Tolstoy's 1877 classic other than the fact that it will have to go a long way to stand out from the field; according to IMDB there have already been no fewer than 24 previous versions of "Anna Karenina." But Joe Wright is doing his best to put together an all-star cast for a projected fall shoot; his "Atonement" star Keira Knightley is already on board, with fellow "Atonement" alum Saoirse Ronan rumored to be involved as well, along with Jude Law, Aaron Johnson ("Kick-Ass").
Release Date/Year: 2012

'The Perks of Being a Wallflower'

MTV Books

Attached: Logan Lerman, Emma Watson, Mae Whitman
Status: "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" was originally published by MTV, but it's the three-headed monster of Touchstone, DreamWorks and Summit that is bringing Stephen Chobsky's teen novel to the big screen. One of the most controversial books in recent memory, "Wallflower" tells the story of a high school kid (Logan Lerman, who previously headlined the adaptation of "Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief) who comes out of his shell thanks to friendship, books, sex, drugs and rock & roll -- only without the rock & roll. Emma Watson has also signed on for one of her first big post-"Harry Potter" roles. Should be interesting.
Release Date/Year: 2012

'Cosmopolis'

Attached: Robert Pattinson, Jay Baruchel, Paul Giamatti, Kevin Durand, Juliette Binoche
Status: This ought to be an interesting one: Weirdo auteur David Cronenberg (we say that lovingly) is set to adapt Don DeLillo's modern existential epic about an investment banker who tries to drive across Manhattan for a haircut. The fact that the entire story takes place in the back seat of a limo isn't what's got us going crazy, though; it's the idea of leading actor Robert Pattinson actually getting his hair cut. Nooooo! One way or another, though, this is likely to be one of the most interesting films of 2012; it's set to begin shooting on May 24.
Release Date/Year: 2012

'The Bell Jar'

Attached: Julia Stiles, Virginia Madsen, Rose McGowan (rumored)
Status: This isn't the first time that doomed poet Sylvia Plath's semi-autobiographical 1963 novel "The Bell Jar" has been made into a movie; back in 1979, an adaptation hit screens and spawned a lawsuit from one person who thought the semi in semi-autobiographical was a little bit too biographical if you know what we mean. That likely won't be a problem now due to the simple fact that, another three decades later, just about everyone in the book is now dead. That hasn't helped speed up production, though, as Stiles has been preparing for the role for over four years without the cameras actually rolling. With a director (Nicole Kassell) and script in place, though, it looks like this is just a matter of time now. Maybe.
Release Date/Year: 2012

'Oz: The Great and Powerful'

Attached: James Franco, Mila Kunis, Director Sam Raimi
Status: L. Frank Baum's 1900 children's classic "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" has, as you may know, already been made into a movie. Maybe you've heard of it. Riffing on Baum's extensive writings about Oz, though, director Sam Raimi and the gang at Disney are looking to do for "The Wizard of Oz" what Johnny Depp did for "Alice in Wonderland" last year -- namely, make a massive pantload of greenbacks. "Oz: The Great and Powerful" will be a prequel that tells the story of how the wizard ended up behind that big curtain to begin with. Currently scheduled to begin shooting in July with James Franco and Mila Kunis anchoring the production.
Release Date/Year: 2012

'Fahrenheit 451'

Attached: Tom Sizemore, Director Frank Darabont
Status: "The Green Mile's" writer/director/producer Frank Darabont is behind this latest effort to bring Ray Bradbury's classic 1953 sci-fi novel "Fahrenheit 451" to the big screen. The story, which details a future where books -- and critical thinking of any kind -- are outlawed by a repressive, hedonistic society, would seem especially ripe for commentary in today's entertainment-driven, social media age. Darabont is currently searching for a lead actor with the chops to play the part -- and the pull to secure some major funding too, of course.
Release Date/Year: 2012

'The Great Gatsby'

Scribner

Attached: Leonardo DiCaprio, Carey Mulligan, Director Baz Lurhmann
Status: Australian auteur Baz Lurhmann is hard at work adapting one of the most essentially American novels of all time, F. Scott Fitzgerald's 1925 magnum opus "The Great Gatsby." Leonardo DiCaprio is already on board as Gatsby, with awards darling Carey Mulligan also attached and Hollywood stalwarts Tobey Maguire and Ben Affleck apparently in the mix as well. Luhrmann, of course doesn't do anything by halves; "The Great Gatsby" is set to film on location in Australia this summer in bigger-than-life 3-D. Should be interesting at the very least.
Release Date/Year: 2012

'The Tiger'

Attached: Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie (producer)
Status: Brad Pitt and his little lady, Angelina Jolie, are both on board as producers for this adaptation of John Vaillant's acclaimed book "The Tiger," which was just released earlier this year. The story of a man-eating tiger and the warden who has to track him down is hot enough for Pitt to secure the rights himself with an eye towards starring in it, and acclaimed director Darren Aronofsky is reportedly on board and aiming for a 2011 shoot. But we're guessing getting insurance for this project is going to be a complete beyotch.
Release Date/Year: 2012

'World War Z'

Attached: Brad Pitt, Director Marc Forster
Status: Max Brooks began his crusade against the undead with 2003's "How to Survive a Zombie Attack," but it's his 2006 follow-up, "World War Z," which has been getting the play in Hollywood circles; the book, which tells the story of those who survived the zombie apocalypse, is set to star Brad Pitt as one of those who stood in the thin red undead line. "Quantum of Solace" director Marc Forster is attached to helm the project, though recent rumors suggest the project may be scrapped due to the horde of zombie films being pumped out. We'll see.
Release Date/Year: 2012

'The Alchemyst: The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel'

Attached: Director Eric Bress
Status: Lorenzo di Bonaventura, the power producer behind epics like "Constantine," "Transformers" and "G. I. Joe," is throwing his considerable weight behind this adaptation of the first book in Michael Scott's young adult fantasy series. And bringing the book to life as a film-ready screenplay? "Final Destination" and "Butterfly Effect" scriptwriter Eric Bress. Well, we'll reserve judgment until we see it. The good news, though, is that with di Bonaventura behind the movie, it's almost certain to get made.
Release Date/Year: 2012

'Septimus Heap: Magyk'

Attached: Director David Frankel
Status: "Septimus Heap" would seem to be the perfect candidate to conquer a post-"Harry Potter" film world: The first book in the series, "Magyk," tells the story of a seventh son of a seventh son who becomes apprentice to the world's bigwig wizard, which comes in handy since his adopted sister is actually heir to the throne. Not quite as obvious: the decision to turn the franchise keys over to "Marley & Me" and "The Devil Wears Prada" director David Frankel. We're curious to see how that… unusual… choice works out.
Release Date/Year: 2012

'Startide Rising'

Attached: N/A
Status: Turning David Brin's acclaimed 1983 sci-fi novel (it won both the Hugo and Nebula Awards for Best Novel) into a feature film is a bold move considering some of the inherent difficulties presented by the story; most of the cast, after all, are hyper-intelligent dolphins who, along with a handful of humans, crew a spaceship being chased by the combined armadas of the entire galaxy after they stumble upon an important historical artifact. Unknown director Lorna Davis has recently been tapped to helm the project, so things are still moving along.
Release Date/Year: 2012

'The Host'

Attached: N/A
Status: Screenwriter Andrew Niccol and director Susanna White ("Nanny McPhee Returns," of all things) have been chosen to spearhead the latest adaptation from "Twilight" author Stephanie Meyer. "The Host" tells the story of an alien who comes to Earth an inhabits a girl's body, which sets in motion a whole slew of really complicated romantic entanglements due to the whole split personality type thing. But with aliens. We're sure that Meyer's legion of fans are probably already waiting in line for this one, but while we're just as excited, we're not quite ready to get our sleeping bag out just yet; casting hasn't yet begun, so it will likely be more than a year before this actually hits theaters.
Release Date/Year: 2012

Margaret K. McElderry

'City of Bones' ('Mortal Instruments')

Attached: Lily Collins
Status: Every studio in Hollywood -- and every fan of films and books -- has been searching for the next "Harry Potter" since the moment that series came to an end. And Constantin films thinks they have found it in "City of Bones," the first installment of Cassandra Clare's popular young adult fantasy series "The Mortal Instruments," which tells the story of a seemingly average girl who discovers she has incredible powers -- powers that she must use, naturally, to save humanity or somesuch. Director Scott Stewart has cast his "Priest" star Lily Collins in the main role and is currently scouting locations in New York City for a big 3D conversion, with more casting news to follow.
Release Date/Year: 2012

'Paradise Lost'

Attached: Everyone in Hollywood
Status: When John Milton wrote his classic poem "Paradise Lost" back in 1667, he probably didn't imagine that one day he would also be creating a cottage industry in Hollywood. But that's the case, as multiple versions of "Paradise Lost" are currently being worked on, some of which borrow as little as the title while others are full-fledged adaptations. No fewer than three versions are set to be released in 2012 alone, the biggest of which likely being the version from Legendary Pictures and "I, Robot" director Alex Proyas.
Release Date/Year: 2012, 2013, etc.

'20,000 Leagues Under the Sea'

Attached: Only half of Hollywood
Status: It's a race to the finish to see which studio can complete their version of the classic 1870 Jules Verne novel first: Disney is reportedly trying to get David Fincher to helm their adaptation, while Fox has producers Ridley and Tony Scott working on a version with director Timur Bekmambetov. Of course, Disney has done this before -- their 1954 adaptation was a massive hit -- but whether or not that will give them a leg up this time remains to be seen. In the meantime, a third version by much smaller Ghost House has jumped into the mix, slated for 2012. Three down, 19,997 to go
Release Date/Year: 2012, 2013, ad infinitum.

'The Seventh Son'

Attached: Sam Claflin, Julianne Moore, Jeff Bridges, Alicia Vikander
Status: Everything is going full steam ahead for this adaptation of Joseph Delaney's young adult fantasy novel "The Spook's Apprentice" -- everything except the title, that is. After trying out a number of monikers including "The Last Apprentice," producers finally settled on "The Seventh Son," just in time to also settle on a cast that includes Sam Claflin in the lead and Oscar winner Jeff Bridges as his magical mentor. With everything seemingly in place, it's possible we could see this in theaters next year, but for now a 2013 release date is the official company line.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'Legacy of Secrecy'

Attached: Leonardo DiCaprio
Status: Nearly 50 years after his death, the assassination of President John F. Kennedy continues to fascinate Hollywood and the latest example is one of the next projects for superstar Leonardo DiCaprio: Based on the 2008 book of the same name by Lamar Waldron and Thom Hartmann, "Legacy of Secrecy" tells the story of an FBI informant who claims to know the truth behind the shocking murder. Warner Bros. is pushing this into production with an eye on a 50^th anniversary release in 2013.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'Robopocalypse'

Attached: Director Steven Spielberg
Status: Spielberg is set to produce and direct this post-apocalyptic robot thriller from author and all-around robot guy Daniel H. Wilson. Don't worry if you've never heard of "Robopocalypse," though; the book isn't even going to be published until next year, so there's no reason on God's Earth why you should know about it unless you're either working for Spielberg or, of course, reading this story. That's just how inside you are now. Production on the film isn't set to begin until January of 2012, so you have lots of time to prepare your anti-robot defenses.
Release Date/Year: 2013

Quirk Books

'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies'

Attached: Director Craig Gillespie
Status:Less than a month after Seth Grahame-Smith's mashup novel "Pride and Prejudice and Zomies" -- a take off, of course, of Jane Austin's 1813 classic "Pride and Prejudice" -- hit stands last year, there was already a deal in place to bring it to the big screen. Mike Smith, whose only previous directing experience was the arthouse comedy "Year of the Dog," has been charged with bringing the film to life (or rather, to undeath) and a script is already in place, leaving just the minor details of finding a cast and filming them. "Fright Night" director Craig Gillespie is reportedly on board for a 2013 release. Hey, take your time, guys.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'The Piano Tuner'

Attached: Director Werner Herzog
Status: Daniel Mason's 2003 novel about a man charged with the mission of tuning a piano in 19^th century Burma in order to help soothe political turmoil between the locals and the British Empire may not immediately seem like the most likely candidate for a big-screen treatment. But it makes a lot more sense once you hear that legendary auteur Werner Herzog is directing it; the environment and stoyline sounds just about perfect for the mind behind films like "Aguirre: The Wrath of God." We're looking forward to this one.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'Hyperion'

Attached: Bradley Cooper (rumored)
Status: "The Day the Earth Stood Still" director Scott Derrickson is behind this adaptation of this seminal 1989 sci-fi epic from author Dan Simmons. "Hyperion" shouldn't be confused with the John Keats poem or the Henry Wadsworth Longfellow novel of the same name; the story of seven pilgrims heading to the shrine of a deadly alien being is actually based in part on Geoffrey Chaucer's classic "Canterbury Tales." Of course, in Hollywood, that and a dollar will get you a cup of coffee, which may explain why Warner Bros. hasn't yet begun casting this tricky adaptation, though Bradley Cooper is rumored to be… at least interested in reading the books. Hey, it's a start.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'Girls Like Us'

Attached: Director Katie Jacobs
Status: Screenwriter John Sayles, who previously wrote the adaptation of "The Spiderwick Chronicles" for the big screen, has been tapped to write up the script for this story of the early lives of the singer/songwriter trio of Carly Simon, Joni Mitchell and Carole King. Katie Jacobs, who makes her living as executive producer of Fox's wildly popular TV series "House M.D.," is producing and will be stepping behind the camera for her directorial debut. The script is still being written, though, so casting is still a long way off.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'A Wrinkle in Time'

Attached: N/A
Status: In a post-"Harry Potter" world, Madeline L'Engle's seminal young adult fantasy novel would seem like a no-brainer, considering " A Wrinkle in Time" is one of the foundations of the entire genre. And apparently Disney agrees, as it is teaming with Bedrock Studios to adapt the book for the big screen. Right now the movie is still in the early stages, but it seems to be in pretty good hands; Jeff Stockwell, who previously penned the acclaimed adaptation of the young adult classic "Bridge to Terabithia" for Disney, is working on a screenplay.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'The Martian Chronicles'

Attached: N/A
Status: "The Martian Chronicles," which tells the story of humanity's attempt to colonize Mars and the subsequent nuclear war waged against the red planet's native inhabitants, has been an acknowledged sci-fi classic ever since Ray Bradbury wrote it over 60 years ago. So Paramount's decision to try a big-budget adaptation makes sense. Less clear? The fact that producer John Davis is heading the attempt; after all, Davis is best known for films like "Garfield," "Marmaduke," "Dr. Doolittle" and "Daddy Day Camp." But, hey, who knows.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'Men Are From Mars…'

Attached: N/A
Status:John Gray's wildly popular and occasionally controversial book on relationships, "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus," blew up book stores when it dropped like a megabomb back in 1992 but so far has defied attempts to turn it into a movie. This is likely because, you know, it's a self-help book, meaning there are no characters or plot. That didn't stop it from already being turned into a TV talk show back in 200 (starring, obviously, former "Monkees" drummer Mickey Dolenz), but hopefully this time around they come up with a way to make it work on the big screen; "Leap Year" writer Harry Elfont is currently hard at work trying to do just that.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'Wake'

Attached: Miley Cyrus
Status: Our good pals (and, you know, employers) over at MTV are set to distribute this adaptation of Lisa McMann's bestselling 2008 young adult thriller about a girl who develops the power to enter other people's dreams. One of several books being developed around Hollywood in hopes of capturing the post-"Twilight" crowd, "Wake" will likely star teen singing sensation Miley Cyrus in the lead role, which could give her a nice career boost should the film prove successful enough to warrant filming the two sequels, "Fade" and "Gone." The fact that the release date has been pushed back again, this time to 2013, may be due to Cyrus' busy schedule.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner'

Summit

Attached: Jodelle Ferland (rumored)
Status: So what is Hollywood going to do once the "Twilight Saga" has ended? Easy: make more "Twilight" movies anyway. At least, that's the rumor that surfaced last, as "The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner" is apparently being bandied about by the powers that be for its own full-length film adaptation. Jodelle Ferland played the doomed Bree in "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" and recently told reporters the film was still a distinct possibility, but unless they go into production right away, chances are she'll be too old to play Bree by the time they get the ball rolling. Darn those ageless vampires!
Release Date/Year: N/A

'How to Survive a Robot Uprising'

Attached: Jack Black
Status: Daniel H. Wilson is aiming for a rare Hollywood two-fer: Not only is his 2005 tongue-in-cheek guide to the coming robotpocalypse being made into a film by "Hot Tub Time Machine" director Steve Pink, but the upcoming sequel that describes that robotpocalypse (titled, appropriately, "Robotpocalypse") is also being made into a movie (more about it later on our list). Jack Black is rumored to be the star of choice for Wilson's attempt to both set it up and knock it down.
Release Date/Year: N/A

'Airborn'

Attached: Christian Vandal, Styna Whatman
Status: If you check your online resources, you'll see that this adaptation of Kenneth Oppel's popular young adult novel is listed as having a 2011 release date. Considering that director Stephen Sommers is currently in the process of filming "Odd Thomas," however,  a 2011 release date is extremely unlikely -- if this project is even still alive at all. We still have high hopes that Sommers can pull things together, though, because we really want to see this award winning series get the treatment it deserves.
Release Date/Year: N/A

Originally published Nov. 23, 2010; Updated with new titles April 18, 2011.

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We've known for a some time that the 16th President of the United States would be making the leap to the big screen next summer to show off his vampire-slaughtering skills, but now we finally know which fanged beast he'll be staking his way towards.

Rufus Sewell, a British "hey, that guy!" and star of the cult sci-fi classic "Dark City," has emerged from the shadows to take on the role of Adam in "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter," reports Variety. Adam is the head vampire in the film, the main adversary of Lincoln, played by newcomer Benjamin Walker. Details on who or what Adam is up to pre-Civil War/Vampire Revolt is unknown, but one can safely assume some serious blood-sucking is involved.

"Vampire Hunter" is based on a book by Seth Grahame-Smith (author of "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies"), so those who are particularly curious where Sewell fits into the grand scheme of the plot can dive into the original text. Or Spark Notes. The film co-stars Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Mary Todd Lincoln, Dominic Cooper as the man who teaches Lincoln to fight vampires and Anthony Mackie as Lincoln's sidekick. "Vampire Hunter" is directed by Timur Bekmambetov ("Wanted"), ensuring that the fight scenes should be a little more exciting than your 10th grade history class.

Sewell has long been the go-to character actor for dignified bad guys, so the choice to have him star in a period action flick makes perfect sense. His previous work is a clear indicator that the man is capable of grounding even the most bizarre   of plots, plus he just looks like a vampire. Always helpful.

"Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" begins shooting in 3-D this March, with a set release date of June 22, 2012 -- that gives you a year to buy your garlic cloves and crosses!