MGM

Any sport at its best can serve as a motivational metaphor for life ... while any sport at its worst can still beat the Houston Astros. And then there's boxing, which is just two people literally beating each other up for money.

But with "42" (the story of Jackie Robinson's inspirational journey to integrate the major leagues) hitting theaters April 12, we thought we'd take a moment to pay tribute to the less celebrated sports films; the ones that teach us to never try and to always give up because life is just a string of disappointments sandwiched between birth and death.

'Rocky II' (1979)

MGM

Remember how great "Rocky" was? Remember the heartwarming story of a boxer past his prime finally getting a shot at the title? Remember how moved you felt when Rocky loses to Apollo but wins the respect of the world? Well, this unsubtle sequel has a message for you: You're a sentimental loser. And it proceeds to play out the most unnecessary redo of all time. Spoiler alert: This go-around, Rocky's the literal winner, and we all get knocked over the head.

'Rollerball' (2002)

MGM

A good sports film uses a beloved athletic pastime as the backdrop to dramatic life lessons which can be applied to all sorts of real-world challenges. Then there's the 2002 remake of "Rollerball," the story of a made-up, moronically violent sport whose only life lesson is that no one wanted to buy tickets to "Rollerball."

'The Benchwarmers' (2006)

Sony

David Spade, Rob Schneider and Jon Heder play three losers granted a chance by an eccentric billionaire (Jon Lovitz) to play in a Little League tournament against teams full of the sort of athletic kids that shamed and bullied them when they were young. In one of the most bizarre revenge fantasies of all time, the trio of grown men do their best to beat the daylights out of a bunch of kids ... and they still lose.

'Kingpin' (1996)

MGM

Okay, first of all: Bowling isn't a sport. It's an activity you tolerate between eating ice cream cake and receiving gift bags at a third grader's birthday party. And this sordid tale of Roy Munson (Woody Harrelson), a hook-handed bowling champ now living in the gutter who seeks revenge against his bowling arch nemesis, Ernie McCracken (Bill Murray, sporting the combover of the century), only manages to inspire ... laughter.

'The Basketball Diaries' (1995)

New Line

Jim (Leonardo DiCaprio) is a typical teen who's life centers around his high school basketball team. But with a friend dying of leukemia, a sexually abusive coach and a love of heroin that leads Jim into a dark work of addiction and prostitution, "The Basketball Diaries" is a total bummer. It's almost like the filmmakers don't care about basketball at all.

'Juwanna Mann' (2002)

Warner Bros.

In this basketball comedy which could best be described as "Tootsie" meets "a rip off of 'Tootsie,'" bad-boy Jamal Jeffries (Miguel A. Nunez, Jr.) gets thrown out of the NBA for bad behavior and responds to this crisis the way anyone would: he dresses-up like a woman and joins the WNBA. With Jamal rewarded for his creepy and illegal actions by the story's end, you'll be left feeling both empty and nauseated at the same time.

'Major League: Back in the Minors' (1998)

Warner Bros.

How's this for a warning sign? Charlie Sheen refused to be in this third installment of the "Major League" franchise, which also fails to feature the Cleveland Indians or their minor league team, instead opting for the Twins. Oh, and Wesley Snipes and Tom Berenger also sat this one out. A discerning sports film fan might ask how this film is even considered part of the "Major League" series? Easy — they just wrote it into the title. How's that for inspiration?

'BASEketball' (1998)

Universal

Trey Parker and Matt Stone (creators of "South Park") discover that the only way to beat a pair of jocks in a driveway basketball game is to continue adding new rules as they go which suit their uniquely un-athletic abilities. This new game of "BASEketball" (which is basically a mixture of Horse and Around the World with the option of grossing-out your opponent) becomes a pro sport, and the buddies soon find their invention tainted by corporate meddling, sex and greed.

'Radio' (2003)

Sony

This movie should be inspirational as holy hell. It's got a mentally challenged man who's extremely keen on radios (Cuba Gooding Jr.) who is made to feel included by a high school football coach and his team. It's got lines of dialogue from Ed Harris such as "Truth is, we's not the ones been teachin' Radio. Radio's the one's been teachin' us." And yet, by the end of this godawful movie, all we's learned is to tune Radio's insufferable truisms out.

FilmDistrict

People are always complaining about how much Americans suck at doing accents, whether it's Kevin Costner as "Robin Hood" or Keanu Reeves seemingly coming off a heroin addiction in "Bram Stoker's Dracula." And we do suck sometimes, yes.

However, we want to at least even the playing field a little by pointing out some bafflingly bad American accents perpetrated by thesps from overseas. Europe and Australia may have the best acting academies and such, but not every graduate is as versatile as they should be, starting with a certain Gerard Butler from this past weekend's "Olympus Has Fallen."

Gerard Butler

This week's "Olympus Has Fallen" is cheesy fun, but Butler's American cadence is just … off. Granted, he's a bit more convincing than his oft-compared Scottish soul mate Sean Connery, but the "300" star has tried his hand at miming our accent in disasters like "The Bounty Hunter" and the recent surfing drama "Chasing Mavericks." Perhaps he should devote as much time to his vocalizations as he does to "8-minute abs."

Orlando Bloom

"Elizabethtown" was a troubled project for the normally stellar Cameron Crowe, who had to replace several actors during the course of filming, including lead Ashton Kutcher. While we're all for upgrading from Kutcher, dropping Orlando Bloom of all people into the middle of Kentucky made the Englishman more than conspicuous. Riding high off "Pirates of the Caribbean" and "The Lord of the Rings," Bloom was taking a shot at leading mandom. However, Bloom proved he's not only tone deaf comedically, but his generic American accent (which we're saturated with thanks to hefty narration) sounds like nails on a chalkboard.

Saoirse Ronan

So if you're casting for Alice Sebold's "The Lovely Bones" and need a girl with an authentic Pennsylvania dialect, why not hire a little Irish chick? There's no doubt in our minds that Peter Jackson auditioned a whole pack of talented American natives for the part, but as the only Academy Award-nominated 14-year-old around at the time, Saoirse Ronan probably sounded good on paper. On film is another thing. There's a lot wrong with Jackson's film (like everything), but Ronan's recently deceased Susie Salmon comes across like a third-generation photocopy of a simpering American girl.

Sam Worthington

The hunky slice of Aussie beefcake that is Sam Worthington has manly screen presence to spare, but even James Cameron had a tough time beating the outback out of him for "Avatar." He's since tried to expand his American range in films like "Texas Killing Fields," but the results have been … well, even he has to admit it's rusty. "I’m useless at [expletive] accents," he told Xfinity. "What, you don’t read reviews and blogs? Everyone has an opinion about my accents and I’ll be the first to admit it – I find it extremely difficult, but I try my best."

Ewan McGregor

Don't get us wrong, we think Ewan McGregor is the bee's knees, but this ginger Scotsman cannot do an American accent if his life depended on it. Whether he's a naïve clone in "The Island" or a U.S. Army sergeant in "Black Hawk Down," the Force is not with him, or his dialect coach. Probably the worst offender is Tim Burton's "Big Fish," where his only frame of reference for a southern drawl seems to come from "Forrest Gump."

Simon Pegg

Simon Pegg is one of geekdom's best and brightest, but the talented writer/performer behind "Shaun of the Dead" has an Achilles heel: one of the worst American accents that's ever filled our earholes. He got to trot it out a little bit in the miniseries "Band of Brothers," but the Brit's big (dashed) chance to assimilate came in the form of low-budget comedy "Big Nothing," where he managed to get out-acted by David Schwimmer. Yikes. We're not sure how the Scottish feel about his Scotty accent in "Star Trek," but that's their problem.

Hayley Mills

Now here's a case of someone not even f**king trying. Yes, Hayley Mills was but a wee child working in indentured servitude to her dark master Walt Disney, but 1961's "The Parent Trap" proved Mills had little interest in getting her accent right. Granted, she's playing twins, one from California, the other from Boston, but they both sound remarkably English! C'mon, even Mark Wahlberg could have gotten one of those right.

James McAvoy

When Christian Bale played Patrick Bateman in "American Psycho," he was intentionally creating this phony, outlandish proxy of a Yank, but what was James McAvoy's excuse? In "Wanted," he plays a mild-mannered cube farm drone whose innate talent for assassinating people is put to good use, but his manner of speaking never quite passes muster. It's too pronounced and too artificial-sounding to come across as anything but a parody.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

This one's kinda like throwing fish in a barrel, but it really must be acknowledged no matter how obvious it is: Arnold sounds like a scary Austrian no matter who he's playing. Ivan Reitman was keenly aware of this, which is why the director dropped Ah-nuld squarely in Small Town USA in "Kindergarten Cop." The idea of this monstrous mass of muscle teaching at an elementary school straight out of Norman Rockwell was hilarious, but even when he was playing a New York City cop in "End of Days" or a U.S. spy in "True Lies" he's still just plain Arnold. "It's not a toomah!"

Lionsgate

While we recently catalogued "The Most Violent Movie Titles of All Time" we wondered to ourselves, "But what are the straight-up most violent movies?" That line of thinking led to a lot of sordid YouTube viewing and a shameful amount of personal moviegoing recollection, with this list as the meat byproduct.

This gore-dripped inventory wound up with a few perennial fanboy faves, a few surprises and a total absence of any Korean or Japanese flicks. (!) There are, however, three entries from America's loan forgiveness officer, China, so prepare to wolf down a big dish of bloody chow mein.

9. 'The Devil's Rejects' (2005)

What ARE you smokin', Rob Zombie? The dreadlocked White Zombie frontman clearly wanted to top his handywork at "The House of 1000 Corpses," so he switched genre gears by putting that film's homicidal Firefly family on the run from Johnny law. The result is a grungy exploitation odyssey of death set to Lynyrd Skynyrd, riddled with bullets and D-level celebs (Danny Trejo, William Forsythe, Ken Foree and pornstar Ginger Lynn).

Watch a NSFW clip from "The Devil's Rejects."

8. 'Rambo' (2008)

How's this for telling: This fourquel contains a higher body count (236) than all three previous Rambo flicks COMBINED. Need we say more? Okay, how about Sylvester Stallone perpetrating numerous throat rippings, head smashings and machine-gunning Burmese soldiers into spaghetti sauce. Yep, Sly is a walking war atrocity. "They would've raped her fifty times ... and cut your f**king heads off!"

Watch a NSFW clip from "Rambo."

7. 'Hostel' (2005)

It's surprising that "blowtorch the eyeball" hasn't become some kind of "jump the shark" catch-all phrase for the horror genre, as torture porn became a new modus operandi after Eli Roth dropped this sucker. A group of horny young men partying in Bratislava get suckered into a kidnapping ring that offers high-paying customers the chance to get all murder-y on the abductees. Faster than you can say "Achilles tendon," the slicing and dicing begins and doesn't let up all the way through the revenge fantasy finale.

Watch a NSFW clip from "Hostel."

6. 'Men Behind the Sun' (1988)

It was between this and "Ichi the Killer," but pound-for-pound Chinese filmmakers have consistently out-disturbed their twisted Japanese brothers. Depicting Japan's historical World War II military research Unit 731, where Chinese and Soviet prisoners were used for inhuman biological warfare experiments, "Men" takes the cake on the viscera front. This shockumentary includes hundreds of real rats set on fire, people having their skin frozen off, their intestines sonically hemorrhaged out of their body and spliced-in footage of an actual autopsy of a little boy. Yes, this one is strictly for sickos.

Watch a NSFW clip from "Men Behind the Sun."

5. 'Robocop' (1987)

Paul Verhoeven's classic piece of sci-fi satire nearly became the first film to earn an X rating for violence alone. That's right, without a single c**k shot (other than the c**k that Robo shot off a guy) this piece of stylish '80s pulp racked up a serious pain quotient not limited to Peter Weller's hero cop Murphy getting 100 bullets in him, neck stabbings, and a criminal getting a toxic chemical bath that leaves him looking like Lindsay Lohan circa five years from now.

Watch a NSFW clip from "RoboCop."

4. 'Hard Boiled' (1992)

According to Movie Body Counts, this John Woo cop flick contains 307 on-screen deaths, mostly from blazing gun battles supplied with magical unlimited ammo. The great gun-fu champion Chow Yun-fat is responsible for 77 of those kills himself, especially during the hospital finale wherein he will ice as many human beings as possible in order to protect one innocent baby. Makes sense, right? Woo's balletic violence can be a bit much, especially if you don't like violence or ballet, but no matter how dirty you feel at the end, you gotta admit this action doozie is one hell of a ride.

Watch a NSFW clip from "Hard Boiled."

3. 'Cannibal Holocaust' (1980)

This sick puppy rested comfortably at #2 on our list of most violent titles, but once you get past that lurid moniker you'll find the movie itself is … well, pretty goddamn violent! Director Ruggero Deodato got thrown in the slammer when Italian authorities insisted his found footage Amazonian gore flick was a bona fide snuff film. Deodato had to prove that the woman impaled vag-to-mouth on a spear was merely resting on a bicycle seat, but the image remains potent, as do several others including legit footage of turtlecide.

Watch a NSFW clip from "Cannibal Holocaust."

2. 'Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky' (1991)

If you were a fan of "The Daily Show" back in the day then perhaps you remember the perennial clip of a guy making someone's head explode with his punch. That's this movie. Hong Kong strikes again in perhaps the most outrageously gruesome martial arts movie thus far conceived, with such diabolical delights as a fighter using his own intestines to strangle someone, many punches through various body parts and a big boss battle that ends with the baddie ground into hamburger. Literally.

Watch a NSFW clip from "Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky."

1. 'Dead Alive' (1992)

Leave it to the lovable director of "The Hobbit" to have also perpetrated the most incomprehensibly bloody act of cinematic splatstick ever … EVER. There is supposedly still blood on the ceilings of the New Zealand studio where the film was shot all those years ago. This Freudian nightmare of a horror comedy centers on thoroughly henpecked Lionel (Timothy Balme) having to face the consequences of his dead momma turning into a ravenous zombie. Lionel's weapon du jour is a lawnmower he uses to plow through undead hoards, escalating into a 12-piece bucket of carnage that has gore up to the protag's knees. "I kick arse for the Lord!"

Watch a NSFW clip from "Dead Alive."

New Line

With Christmas upon us, we thought it'd be fitting to list our nine favorite characters from holiday flicks sure to put you and your family in a merry mood. Let's face it, there’s nothing better than sitting together with the gang and getting the heartstrings tugged, and the funny bones tickled, with a glass of eggnog by your side.

On a side note: We know our list is lacking in female characters — and those of color, for that matter. But don't blame us. Blame Hollywood!

9. Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin), 'Home Alone,' 1990

20th Century Fox

Macaulay Culkin came into "Home Alone" as an unknown and emerged as the most in-demand child actor since Shirley Temple. Whom does Culkin have to thank? None other than John Hughes, the '80s comedy legend who wrote the script for this holiday classic, and who created the lovable and wisecracking Kevin, a kid who gets even with some burglars when they try to rob his home.

8. Jack Skellington (Danny Elfman), 'The Nightmare Before Christmas,' 1993

Disney

You'd think the king of Halloweentown (the name says it all) would be a ghoulish, mean-spirited demon, but the rail-thin Jack Skellington (aka The Pumpkin King) is anything but. Sweet, confident, well-meaning and altogether charming, Jack is a leader in need of inspiration. He gets it when he discovers Christmas Town and tries to bring back some of that holiday cheer back home.

7. Willie (Billy Bob Thornton), 'Bad Santa,' 2003

Dimension

If you thought Ebenezer Scrooge was a party pooper, meet Willie, as embodied by a caustic and never-better Billy Bob Thornton. Every holiday season, Willie works as a mall Santa -- not to bring joy to children, but to rob the mall on Christmas Eve. Note to children: Stay off this guy’s lap.

6. Ralphie (Peter Billingsley), 'A Christmas Story,' 1983

MGM

What's a good Christmas film without an adorable kid in it? Before Macaulay Culkin slayed moviegoers in "Home Alone," cutie pie Peter Billingsley worked his way into the hearts of millions as Ralphie, a young boy out to convince his parents, teachers and Santa that a Red Ryder BB gun really is the best gift for him. Good luck with that one, kid.

5. Susan Walker (Natalie Wood), 'Miracle on 34th St.,' 1947

20th Century Fox

Before the gorgeous and talented Natalie Wood appeared in "Rebel Without a Cause" and "West Side Story," she was best known as the adorable kid at the center of this instant Christmas classic. Wood, as six-year-old Susan Walker, befriends a Macy's store Santa who's put on trial for claiming to be the real Kris Kringle. In return, he gets her a house. Hmm, Santa's never been that generous with us ...

4. Frank Cross (Bill Murray), 'Scrooged,' 1988

Paramount

Talk about a good bit of casting. In "Scrooged," an updated riff on Charles Dickens' 1843 holiday classic "A Christmas Carol," dry funnyman Bill Murray plays our generation's version of Ebenezer Scrooge, Frank Cross, a cynical and unrepentantly selfish TV executive who gets a visit from three sprits out to teach him a lesson or two.

3. Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), 'Christmas Vacation,' 1989

Warner Bros.

You might have forgotten, but back in the '80s, Chase was best known for playing family man Clark Griswold in the hysterical "National Lampoon Vacation" movies. The best of bunch, "Christmas Vacation," finds Griswold on a mission to plan a perfect, good old-fashioned family Christmas. Things don't go quite according to plan for the poor guy.

2. George Bailey (Jimmy Stewart), 'It's a Wonderful Life,' 1946

RKO

There's a reason watching "It’s a Wonderful Life" with your family is a Christmas tradition, like eating turkey on Thanksgiving. There's nothing quite like watching a well-meaning sad sack get the sweet redemption he so deserves thanks to the help of a guardian angel. It helps that the man in question, George Bailey, is played by James Stewart. Who doesn’t love some Stewart over the holidays?

1. Buddy the Elf (Will Ferrell), 'Elf,' 2003

New Line

You knew we'd save the best for last. In what is arguably Will Ferrell's most endearingly hilarious flick, Ferrell plays Buddy, a grown man raised in the North Pole convinced he's one of Santa's little elves. Problem is, he's not. Buddy was adopted by Santa as an infant and brought back to the North Pole to be raised among the elves. When he sets off on a journey to New York City to find his real father, he has a bit of trouble fitting in.

(Originally published on Dec. 19, 2011.)

Also Check Out: Our 2 Favorite Hanukkah Movie Characters (Of All Time)

Throughout the ages, comedians with the sharpest of wits and highest of brows have sought to expand our minds and tickle our funny bones by strapping on fake boobs and speaking in falsetto. Sure, it might seem cheap, childish and subtly sexists, but who cares? Based on the box office receipts, we can't get enough of it!

Now Sean Penn is getting serious about dressing in drag for "This Must Be the Place" (in theaters Nov. 2). But can he activate our drag gag reflexes as thoroughly as those faux femmes from bygone days? Let's review the fugly competition.

(Originally published on Nov. 10, 2011)

Paramount

Sequels are an essential part of the horror genre. Revisiting a particular horrific scenario allows us to experience new thrills in a familiar setting — when we watch a horror sequel, we're braver now that we know the world and its rules, making us feel more like participants in the terror rather than helpless victims.

Unfortunately, a good horror sequel is a rare thing. It's a daunting task to make a fresh experience out of a now-familiar world. But every once in a while, it works. And works wonders.

With Halloween on the horizon and us in the mood for some franchise-friendly scares with the likes of "Paranormal Activity 4," "Silent Hill: Revelation 3D" and "Grave Encounters 2," we've compiled what we believe to be the Top 9 Horror Sequels. Please feel free to add the 10th in the comments section should the mood strike you as well.

(Before we begin, we'd just like to explain the distinct absence of George Romero's "Dawn of the Dead" from this list. We consider the "Dead" films to be variations on a theme, not true sequels.)

9. 'Saw II' (2005)

Lionsgate

The fact that "Saw II" was even sort of great makes it deserve a place on this list. Fans of the original film feared a catastrophe of "Blair Witch 2" proportions when it was announced that Lionsgate was fast-tracking a sequel to their low-budget sleeper hit.

Essentially a haunted house story with booby traps instead of ghosts, "Saw II" upped the ante in every department — the traps were cleverer, the violence more graphic, the screams louder and Jigsaw (Tobin Bell) even creepier. And this was just the beginning, of course — the series would go through seven installments before calling it quits.

8. 'Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter' (1984)

Paramount

Fans didn't fall for this movie's title. They knew that the fourth installment in the "Friday" series wasn't going to be the last, but they flocked to it as if it were the last time they'd see Jason Voorhees doing his thing. For the record, yes, this is the one with Corey Feldman and Crispin Glover, the latter cast against type as he plays something of a high school stud. The kills are some of the more imaginative in the series, and the film benefits greatly from having a sense of humor that actually borders on being witty every now and then.

7. '28 Weeks Later' (2007)

Fox

No one really thought a sequel to Danny Boyle's "28 Days Later" was necessary, which made "28 Weeks Later" seem even better when it ended up being quite good. "28 Weeks" trades the intimate DV aesthetic of the first film for a much larger canvas, showing how the military would be key players in cleaning up the aftermath of such an incident as an infestation of "the Infected."

Of course, everything goes horribly wrong, and the stakes seem even higher this time as we see how such an outbreak really could completely destroy our way of life as we know it. Robert Carlyle steals the show as a dad who's slooooowly succumbing to the virus.

6. 'Paranormal Activity 2' (2010)

Paramount

Paramount deserves a lot of credit for respecting the whole "Paranormal Activity" aesthetic and not trying to fix what definitely wasn't broken for the inevitable sequel — "Paranormal Activity 2" kept the low-budget, voyeuristic intimacy of the original whilst still managing to be "bigger" (as any good sequel should be). How do you make something like "Paranormal Activity" bigger but still keep the DIY feel that made the original so cool? You have several video cameras instead of just one, and then throw in a dog and infant to raise the stakes a little. While "PA2" has fewer surprises than its predecessor, it still delivers a healthy amount of scares — we especially like the scene in the kitchen where ... ah, you know.

5. 'The Exorcist III' (1990)

Warner Bros.

William Peter Blatty, author of the "Exorcist" novel, stepped in to direct the third installment of the series himself, delivering a truly unsettling film that compensates for some jarring editing with a genuine sense of ... well, freakiness. Blatty's working from his "Legion" novel here, as Father Damien Karras (Jason Miller) has been locked away in a mental asylum, possessed by a slain serial killer known as the Gemini Killer (Brad Dourif, a.k.a. the voice of Chucky). George C. Scott seethes and stomps his way through it all as the cop on the case. It's a slow-moving film, and sometimes a maddening one, but it rewards those with the patience to stick with it.

4. 'Wes Craven's New Nightmare' (1994)

New Line

Wes Craven's dabbling in postmodern horror a couple of years before making postmodern horror cool with "Scream" is actually the best "Nightmare on Elm Street" sequel, hands down. It's a blast to see Craven, Heather Langenkamp, Robert Englund and other alums of the "Nightmare" movies playing themselves as they discover that Freddy Krueger might be more than just a fictional character. "New Nightmare" is as smart as it sounds, but it's also something that a "Nightmare" film hadn't been in a while — it's genuinely scary, with Englund delivering a terrifying performance (with a great new makeup job) that's distinctly short on wisecracks.

3. 'Scream 2' (1997)

Dimension

This was another case of fans being a little cautious when a new "Scream" came out a mere year after the first one, but caution was thrown to the wind once it actually came out and made a zillion more dollars for Miramax on its opening weekend.

While the script often feels like a first draft (and, let's face it, it probably was), "Scream 2" is actually immensely satisfying as it continues the saga of young Sidney (Neve Campbell) and the Ghostface Killer. Doesn't Sidney know that the last place where you should try to move on with your life and forget your rocky past in a horror movie is at college?

2. 'Evil Dead II' (1987)

Universal

What happens when Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell return to the woods, but this time with a few more bucks to spend? Bigger! Faster! More! The "Evil Dead" movies make up one of the most innovative and creative horror series out there and the second one might very well be the best, as Raimi's playful camera work and love of old-school special effects mixes with Campbell's incredible physical dexterity in the creation of a horror-comedy (and it is both in equal measures) that assaults you without remorse -- you're being pummeled and tossed around the cabin and woods, just like Ash, and it's great.

1. 'Bride of Frankenstein' (1935)

Universal

Probably the first great horror sequel, James Whale's film literally had big shoes to fill and ended up being better than the original "Frankenstein."

Whale dehumanizes the poor Creature even more by providing him with a made-to-order mate who doesn't want him any more than the rest of humanity, taking the two monsters down a path of destruction and tragedy that ends with the Creature realizing there's no place for him (or her) at all in this cruel world: "We belong dead," he says with the kind of conviction that only comes from a true confession. A startling and heartbreaking masterpiece.

(Originally published on Oct. 19, 2010)

Focus Features

It's Halloween night. Do you know what movies your children are watching?

It wouldn't be the most wonderful holiday of the year without a double- or triple-feature of scary movies to go with the tricking and treating. While there are plenty of R-rated slasher flicks to please big brother and sister in the other room, there are also a fair amount of PG-rated spookfests that provide good, clean fun (and scares!) for the under-13 crowd in the basement.

However, a few of these so-called "kids' movies" threaten to step over the line at any moment and become cinematic experiences that might be a little too troubling for their target audience. With honorable mentions to the formidably traumatizing "Little Monsters," the recent "ParaNorman" (pictured) and "Frankenweenie," "Beetle Juice" and "Jumanji," here are our top nine picks for movies most likely to inspire hiding under the covers.

9. 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' (1993)

Sure, the scare factor is announced right there in the title, but Tim Burton's creeptastic holiday vs. holiday war film "The Nightmare Before Christmas" earned a few unexpected spine shivers. How this animated flick got away with shoving poor Santa Clause into the sinister games at Halloweentown is beyond us. The movie's enough to make a kid glad to discover Father Christmas — er, spoiler alert? — is a figment of fantasy.

Even the "good guys" of this movie are undeniably unsettling.

8. 'Coraline' (2009)

Director Henry Selick and writer Neil Gaiman beat fellow spooktastic stories like "Lost" to the punch when it came to employing eerie parallel realities as a scare-and-confuse tactic in "Coraline." Even better (or worse, depending), he threw button-eyed moms and 3-D needle strokes into this strange stop-motion movie to give viewers an extra long-lasting case of the willies.

7. 'Alice in Wonderland' (1951)

Disney has a veritable catalog of trippy cartoons supposedly made for children (such as "Fantasia," "Sleeping Beauty," "James and the Giant Peach"), the most frightening of which is their translation of Lewis Carroll's "Alice in Wonderland." From the Cheshire Cat's sinister smile to the suddenly melodic flowers to the Queen of Heart's truly terrifying "Off with their heads!" chant, this journey down the rabbit hole is freaky for any generation.

6. 'Labyrinth' (1986)

Plenty of '80s movies aimed to bite back at the era's disaffected youth, and the lessons of the nightmarish "Labyrinth" were pretty routine (teenagers need to stop being mopey brats all the time, David Bowie is the man, yada yada). But to get to the point, a selfish girl was forced to face the figments of her wildest imagination — basically a maze of malady filled with toothy goblins, a bog of eternal stench and impossible brain teasers.

Creepiest part? Two words: Helping Hands. Eek!

5. 'The Watcher in the Woods' (1980)

"The Watcher in the Woods" was so disturbing that its original ending had to be re-edited after initial screenings, and even then it still turned out scary as hell. It was labeled a family film, somehow, though it was anything but (in the movie, two innocent kids get wrangled into seances, alien encounters and ghostly possessions, for crying out loud). In fact, it was originally pitched as the potential next "Exorcist."

4. 'The NeverEnding Story' (1984)

The Nothing. Who could forget the Nothing? It was enough to give a girl nightmares for years on end.

"The NeverEnding Story" was on its surface a tale of overcoming adversity and combating the neighborhood bullies with brains (and a giant flying dog, if one's around). But as it played out, the poor kids of the story endured losing beloved pets to deathly quicksand, escaping sneezy, pissed-off mega-tortoises and battling freaky creatures... not to mention, the Nothing. Perhaps the most existential villain of all kid cinema, the Nothing began to eat away at the decaying world as one little boy with a quiver and a snake necklace tried to fight back. So. Screwed. Up.

3. 'The Wizard of Oz' (1939)

Getting sucked up by a tornado, thrust into a world with a rainbow horse, a glittery castle and super-odd townsfolk and then running across a scarecrow, tin man and cowardly lion along the way to see a middle-aged guy who calls himself "the Wizard" is scary enough. Throw in the cackling Wicked Witch of the West and her flying monkey brigade and it's all just way too much.

Also, does stealing footwear from dead people really seem like a good instance of problem-solving to anyone?

2. 'The Dark Crystal' (1982)

Jim Henson and Frank Oz might've just been the most devilishly crazy duo to ever make a so-called kids movie, and "The Dark Crystal" was their seminal skin-crawler — if for no other reason than those horrifying animatronic monsters. Even the central Gelflings were the stuff of any tween's nightmares. Like "Labyrinth," this movie seems more suited for college coeds with tapestries and glowlights than innocent youngsters... if you catch our drift.

1. 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory' (1971)

The snozberries might taste like snozberries, but they're totally laced with hallucinogens. Or at least that's what it seemed like once the journey c0mmenced over at Willy Wonka's elusive chocolate factory. Perhaps the intent of this movie was to scare bad behavior urges out of the viewing youth, but there was no discernible moral to be drawn from that mind-melter tunnel scene. Not to mention those Oompa Loompas chanting in synchrony about the fate of the fallen children — who were either blown up, nearly drowned, reduced to molecules or shot down garbage shoots — are enough to make a kid really reconsider that visit to the candy shop.

Oh, and Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka (no disrespect to Johnny Depp) is inexplicable terror.

Originally published on Thursday, Aug. 16, 2012.

Disney

Even animated dogs can clamp onto heartstrings with an iron-toothed grip. So we totally get why young Victor Frankenstein feels compelled to raise his wagging pal from the great beyond — consequences of wrecking havoc on the town be damned — in Tim Burton's "Frankenweenie" arriving in theaters this Friday.

In fact, little stitched-up Sparky joins the pack of adorably-rendered pooches who've gotten us wishing we had our own little cartoon sidekick.

Here's a look at our nine other favorite animated barkers of all time.

Fox

9. Santa's Little Helper, 'The Simpsons Movie'

Springfield's favorite scratching Greyhound — also knows as King Suds McDuff — has a complicated familial relationship with the Simpsons. The goofy, bug-eyed wanderer comes and goes as he pleases on the show and, for "The Simpsons Movie," Santa's Little Helper made a very memorable cameo as the dog who showed up after all the trouble subsided. Don't ask him how he survived, though. He did what he had to do.

Disney

8. Bolt, 'Bolt'

Poor Bolt. The trusty canine star of a sci-fi television series has been duped into believing he's got real superpowers, so when his co-star Penny is seemingly abducted, Bolt springs into action to save her. Only, his superpowers aren't so super after all, and he's got to learn to hack it in the real-life. No problem; this frisky white German Shepherd rises to the occasion and single-handedly takes down the duplicitous TV show and makes a few new friends along the way.

Warner Bros.

7. Scooby-Doo, 'Scooby-Doo'

Scooby-Doo may faithfully follow his pal Shaggy into the spooky unknown, but forget ghosts, goblins, vampires, mummies and whatever else goes bump in the night. What scares this tremulous Great Dane more than anything is a drought of Scooby snacks. As long as the supplies are supple, though, this dog is content to sniff out trouble with the rest of Mystery Inc.

Dreamworks

6. Gromit, 'Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit'

Gromit, the smart companion to Wallace, may not say much (he has no mouth, after all) but he has a way with expressions and body language. The quirky, British pooch is known for his knitting and cooking skills and even has his degree from Dogwarts University. The clay Beagle also knows when to give his master the cold shoulder and lead the way. Good boy.

Disney

5. Perdita, '101 Dalmatians'

Giving birth to 15 puppies is tough enough, but when Perdita the Dalmatian faces losing her brood to Cruella de Vil — who aims to make use of their spotted coats — she does what any mother would do to get her babies back. The blue-collared purebred and her Pongo even rescue and take in another few dozen pups to boot.

Disney

4. Lady, 'Lady and the Tramp'

Has there ever been a prettier, more demure Cocker Spaniel than Lady? The turn-of-the-century dogutante keeps her nose up in the most dire of situations (the pound - ick!) and imparts a little graceful wisdom to even the doggiest dog, Tramp. This bashful babe earned her title and oh-so-regal collar through good nature and general sensibility.

MGM

3. Charlie, 'All Dogs Go to Heaven'

Charlie might be a mix of collie, German Shepherd and ghost, but he gets a second chance at good deed-ing (and ultimately earning his way into Heaven) by nixing his money-grubbing ways to save a little orphan girl named Anne-Marie. The only way this singing pup knows is up.

Pixar

2. Slinky, 'Toy Story'

Woody's most faithful sidekick, a Dachshund with a slinky center, has a southern accent and a long body, and he's not afraid to use either to help his toy-box gang get around town. "Golly bob-howdy!" is the plastic pooch's favorite phrase, and he's often seen waddling around with his tail section dragging about five feet behind.

Pixar

1. Dug, 'Up'

Dug, the talking Golden Retriever who doesn't quite fit in with others of his kind, loves everyone he comes across and joins Carl and Russell on their balloon house adventures to the wilderness. Unlike other animated dogs with voices, Dug says what he really thinks thanks to his special collar. "Oh boy! Oh boy! A ball! I will go get it, and then bring it back!" You gotta admire his honesty and spirit.

Warner Bros.

Clint Eastwood is the last, lonely representative of a mythical breed — the badass. Oh sure, there are other tough-guy actors out there (Stallone, Schwarzenegger and other assorted Expendables) but they're all a little too oiled, chiseled and ready for their Men's Health cover shoots. Eastwood is old-school; the kind of gunslinger who survived his shoot-outs not by having bigger biceps, but because he's leaner, meaner and smarter than the bad guy. Men fear his squint, not his heavy artillery or super powers.

But though he's made a permanent cigarillo-chomping, growling, feel-lucky-punk badass crater on all of pop culture (there's no Wolverine or Jason Statham without Clint), Eastwood hasn't always played it hard and flinty. He's been beat up, left for dead, stuck behind a desk and lost and confused on the range. Though he seemed keen to end his acting career as cantankerous and trigger-happy as it began — "Get off my lawn!" — he appears to have changed his mind and opted to remind audiences of his softer side in "Trouble With the Curve." There's no Walt Kowalski or William Munny in Gus the baseball scout, who shouts a lot but cuts a sad figure as he peers through his eyeglasses and yells at his prostate.

Eastwood has always relished undermining his cool persona by befriending orangutans, letting Sondra Locke and Shirley MacLaine punch him and ... well, yelling at chairs. Here are nine other examples where Clint's been less than a pure unfiltered badass.

9. "Space Cowboys" (2000)

Warner Bros.

The premise of "Space Cowboys" is that they're all too old for NASA, so you can't roll your eyes at this line-up of elderly action heroes. Nor can you call Eastwood's Dr. Frank Corvin a wimp. He's an astronaut, engineer and test pilot! He's a different kind of tough, a no-nonsense man who wields a pocket protector and slide rule over a Magnum .44. Brains, stamina and a knack for math help him fight off the forces of old age, competition from young astronauts, bureaucracy, Soviet warheads and the deadly chill of space. He's like Dirty Harry's nerdier cousin, or NASA's Mohawk Guy without the style.

8. "Pink Cadillac" (1989)

Warner Bros.

Eastwood's attempts at action-comedy are a mixed bag, but he failed at both when he took on the part of bounty hunter Tommy Nohawk. He does pack a gun but relies more on costumes, tricks and snark to get the job done. He's good at his job until this one case, where he's completely buffaloed by a bail-skipping Bernadette Peters. Yes, that's right. Eastwood, who took on Lee Van Cleef and lived to tell about it, finds himself blinded by Peters' sequins and outwitted by her adorable lisp. He tries to remind us he's Clint Eastwood with a forest shoot-out at the end but the damage was already done.

7. "Blood Work" (2002)

Warner Bros.

All action heroes do one (or two, or three) flicks where their cops and soldiers should have been drawing pension instead of guns. "Blood Work" is Eastwood's major "Why isn't this guy golfing already?" moment. To be fair, his Terry McCaleb is a retired FBI profiler, but only because he actually suffered a heart attack in the line of still-too-old-for-it duty. A heart transplant puts Eastwood back on the trail of a serial killer, but he's a fragile man, wheezing through all his chase and fight scenes. It's uncomfortable to watch, though arguably not in the tense and sympathetic way the movie intends.

6. "White Hunter, Black Heart" (1990)

Warner Bros.

Eastwood's John Wilson is meant to be an ersatz John Huston (complete with the affected "I drink your milkshake!" accent) and the epitome of strutting machismo. He plays hard, drinks harder and is on a quest to shoot anything that moves. The film is meant to be a deflation of that attitude, and it is ... but that also means seeing Eastwood-as-Wilson falter in the face of an enraged elephant. None of his cops and gunslingers would have been dumb enough to bug a mama elephant to prove their manhood, recognizing (as Wilson belatedly does) that posturing is for wimps and cowards.

5. "The Beguiled" (1971)

Universal

Eastwood has an intriguing cinematic habit of being beat up by women, but there's only one film where a gang of women completely emasculate him, and that's "The Beguiled." His Yankee soldier John McBurney is an unrepentant slimeball who thinks he can sleep his way through a Southern girl's school and survive the Civil War. But the girls don't take kindly to his bed-hopping and take their revenge by drugging him, tying him to the kitchen table and playing "Operation." Yes, it's as creepy and gruesome as it sounds, and a wonderful example of an Eastwood character being betrayed by his own swagger.

4. "Honkytonk Man" (1982)

Warner Bros.

This sad and folksy story finds Eastwood drinkin', coughin' and lovin' his way across the Great Depression, hopin' to become a famous country singer. Red Stovall is certainly a hardscrabble guy who can fend for himself (otherwise he'd have been dead long before this set of adventures), but he's no match for tuberculosis. It's one of Eastwood's rare "average guy" roles and remains a traumatizing one for fans who never wanted to see their favorite outlaw coughing up blood.

3. "Paint Your Wagon" (1969)

Paramount

Tough guys can sing (just ask Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin or Hugh Jackman), but sadly Clint Eastwood and Lee Marvin couldn't. That didn't stop them from belting out a number of western-themed tunes in "Paint Your Wagon," a bizarre and corny dramedy about gold mining and wife-sharing. Eastwood's "I Talk to the Trees" has gone down in tuneless infamy, but while it's a dorky moment, it's also a gutsy one. How many action stars do you know that would croon a line like, "Her heart was made of holidays"?

2. "Play Misty For Me" (1971)

Universal

The same year Dirty Harry strode out to ask punks if they felt lucky, Eastwood allowed himself be cut to ribbons by Jessica Walter. His DJ Dave thinks he's the coolest guy in Carmel and swaggers right into a one-night stand with Walter's Evelyn ... but then Evelyn reveals she's been stalking him and that she won't take kindly to being dumped. A terrified Dave must now flee from Evelyn's screams, threats, manipulations and attempted murder. Eastwood has rarely been as vulnerable as he is in "Misty," where he's just trying to catch a bit of sleep before a butcher knife nearly makes off with half his skull.

1. "The Bridges of Madison County" (1995)

Warner Bros.

If you're looking for the softest and sweetest moment of Eastwood's entire acting career (and allegedly the one that's closest to his real-life personality), it's here. As photographer Robert Kincaid, he's all rugged charm and gentle gestures. He's a man who picks bouquets of flowers, helps with dinner, dances with a lady in the kitchen and never slams a screen door. When he breaks down and sobs after Francesca refuses to run away with him, you're hard-pressed to remember any hardened antihero from his past.

Disney/Pixar

Sad movies exist in every genre. Romance is obviously full of weepers, and plenty of dramas have enjoyed yanking your heart out and showing it to you as you stagger out of the theater. Even an action or sports movie can reduce the tough to tears if done right. ("Field of Dreams," anyone?)

But there's one little genre that seems hellbent on making us cry, and that's animal movies. They're fiendishly clever about it, too, luring you in with promises of being child-friendly, heartwarming and fun before killing off a fuzzy protagonist or two. They're worse than horror movies, because at least horror is honest about the body count.

In honor of taking the plunge (again!) with "Finding Nemo 3D," we here at NextMovie have compiled nine of the most heartbreaking animal weepers in cinematic history. Read it only if you have something soft to hug.

'Old Yeller' (1957)

Disney

Disney is a master at manipulating us with cute critters, and happens to be responsible for four entries on this list. But "Old Yeller" is downright legendary for its sad ending. What seems like a jolly story about a boy and his dog is actually a painful coming-of-age story about having to do the hard thing out of kindness. It looms so large in our collective childhood traumas that it's a byword for "heartbreaking dog story."

'Free Willy' (1993)

Warner Bros.

Whales had been woefully miscast as villains for years ("Moby Dick," "Pinocchio," "Orca") until movies caught up with scientific research, and began casting them as the gentle giants they are ("Star Trek: The Voyage Home"). By 1993, killer whales were cuddly stars in their own right, and none of us doubted that a broken boy and a imprisoned whale could bond. It's hard to pick the big Kleenex moment: Willy being kidnapped? His mournful song for freedom? Or his triumphant jump over Jesse's hand?

'Babe' (1995) and 'Babe: Pig in the City' (1998)

Universal

Both "Babe" and "Babe: Pig in the City" keep you on the edge of your emotional seat, unsure whether you're going to be sobbing with horror or sniffling with joy by the end. Babe visits some dark places (the loss of Babe's mother, the threat of being Christmas dinner, the murder of Maa the Sheep) before ending on the wonderful line "That'll do, pig." The sequel also toys with death and darkness (the near drowning of a pit bull, the death of Fugly, the capture of the hotel animals) before ending joyfully, with Babe saving the farm and welcoming more critters to his world. At least this time, we're laughing through our tears.

'Charlotte’s Web' (2006)

Paramount

It would appear that pig movies rival dog stories in terms of heartbreak. Like "Babe", "Charlotte's Web" is a roller-coaster of will-he-or-won't-he-be-dinner anguish, and much of it is bittersweet. We can barely make it through Fern leaving Wilbur with the Zuckermans before crying with Wilbur over the ugly truth of his destiny. But then Charlotte -- the prettiest spider in the world -- shows up and weaves some magic, and all seems well ... until she whispers to Wilbur that she's completed her "magnum opus" of an eggsack, and he will have to go on without her. You have to be made of steel not to lose it when she fades away at the end.

'Bambi' (1942)

Disney

We're back to Disney, with the other film that became a byword for soul-bruising animal movie. It starts out fine. There's beautiful forest landscapes, adorable babies, evocative songs, the meadow, Bambi and Thumper ice skating ... and then comes a hard, hard winter, the temptation of fresh green grass, and a gunshot that ended our childhood innocence right along with Bambi's. No matter how old or tough you think you are, Bambi's frantic, wavering "Mother?!" will put something in your eye.

'Marley and Me' (2008)

20th Century Fox

Dog movies are so notorious for ending badly that "Marley and Me" actually chose to capitalize on it, with viral marketing that saw numerous "Marley and Me" posters crudely blazoned with "The dog dies!" It didn't stop people from seeing the film, though ... or completely losing it when John Grogan (Owen Wilson) assures a soon-to-be-sleeping Marley he was, despite years of hearing otherwise, the very best dog in the world. Perhaps you had to be a pet person to get it, but we think you just had to have a soul.

'Finding Nemo' (2003)

Disney/Pixar

Pixar clearly learned how to abuse our hearts from its parent company, Disney. "Up" and "Toy Story 3" might get all of the Kleenex press, but "Finding Nemo" still packs a powerful heartache. It's opening scenes are melancholy -- Marlin gently cradling his one remaining egg --and though there are a lot of laughs and lush tropical sights, it wraps up with the same sense of sorrow as Marlin finally learns to let go. It may be about fish, but it makes you want to call every member of your family and tell them you love them.

'March of the Penguins' (2005)

Warner Independent

We've given our list over to the fictional animal weepers, but let's not forget that the real world offers up animal stories that are just as powerful and poignant as anything cooked up in a studio. 'March of the Penguins' feels like fiction; if you were to write a story about birds who devote themselves fearlessly to their eggs, and people cried over it, you'd probably be ridiculed. Luckily, this is nature, so we're allowed to feel sophisticated as we choke up over the father penguins clustered for warmth, the loss of an egg, or the snatching of a chick by a skua gull. At least there are some squee-worthy moments of gray puffballs to make it better.

'Dumbo' (1941)

Disney

One sequence is all you need to remember: "Baby Mine." We'd like to say this is the only sob sequence in the film, but far from it. Unlike "Bambi," "Dumbo" offers few comforts as Dumbo and his mother are ridiculed, separated, and abused. "Baby Mine" is actually the happiest moment as they're briefly reunited, touching trunks for one small moment of comfort. As Dumbo buries his face in his mother's trunk and cries with a "Oh Mommy, it's been so awful, I need you!" expression, it transcends the pachyderm, and becomes that universal moment when we all need our mommy.

Rapper Reviews: Camp Lo Reviews 'Finding Nemo 3D'

Originally published on Thursday, Dec. 22, 2011, at 8:00 p.m. ET.

New World

Whether you're heading back to school or suffering that annual bout of chem class flashbacks, you know what September means for the young of the world: Nine months of homework, student body drama and teachers that infect their students with parasitic aliens bent on world domination.

Just kidding. We're reasonably sure that only happens in the movies.

Our anxiety dreams are always reignited in August — so as you kids get your back-to-school shopping out of the way and sharpen your pencils (pencils? Remember pencils? Sharpish yellow things with magical scribbling properties?), we'll reflect on nine movie academies that will make you grateful for even the crappiest real-life high school.

9. Hemery High School, 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' (1992)

Before she showed up on TV, Buffy Summers (Kristy Swanson) walked the hallowed halls of Hemery, where Jack Bauer's dad revealed her foretold destiny: vampire slayer. The subsequent influx of the undead was bad for the super-powered cheerleader -- the vampire's only natural predator -- but think about the impact on Buffy's regular Joe classmates. It's hard to enjoy a school dance when an army of bloodsuckers crashes the party.

8. St. Matthew's, 'School Ties' (1992)

No evil creatures at this New England prep school... except for regular old human teenagers. When David (Brendan Fraser), a working-class Jewish student, scores a football scholarship to this prestigious academy, he's treated to a top-notch education and a never-ending onslaught of abuse and prejudice -- from classmates, love interests and faculty. When some anonymous classmate draws a swastika over David's bed, we can't help thinking our Saturday S.A.T. prep classes weren't really that bad.

7. Los Angeles-area Catholic school, 'The Craft' (1996)

Columbia Pictures

We all did things in school we're not proud of: dumped a girl in front of her friends, maybe, or picked on someone's stupid hair. Retribution usually comes in the form of the deep shame we feel when we're old enough to know better. But Fairuza Balk and her friends conjure up a more direct punishment for everyone who's wronged them, and trust us: there's nothing creepier than dark magic spells by teenage witches with emotional baggage.

We guess there's a good lesson in there: don't bully your classmates, kids. You never know when someone's going to invoke the spirit and make your hair fall out.

6. Kennedy High School, 'Class of 1999' (1990)

Director Mark Lester had a lot of faith in science, apparently. His 1990 movie was set just nine years in the future, but boasted a high school faculty secretly staffed by human-shaped androids with a full arsenal and a penchant for discipline. We're all for controlling violence in high schools, but students eschewing the pleasure of spitballs for fear of getting Terminated in the head seems... a little extreme.

5. Westerberg High School, 'Heathers' (1989)

Most high schools have a cliquey in-crowd and some gothy loners -- but when they meet in real life, the sparks that fly don't lead to forged suicide notes, multiple murders, grief counseling and demolition of the entire building. Also, few schools have a Jack Nicholson impersonator roaming the halls. Thank God.

4. Hogwarts, 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix' (2007)

Warner Bros.

We know, it's crazy-talk. Hogwarts, the stuff of nightmares? The place where portraits talk, food is replenished constantly and professors sometimes turn into cats?

Usually we'd agree -- but the year bureaucratic terrorist Dolores Umbridge (Imelda Staunton) takes Dumbledore's place as head of Hogwarts turns the magical wonderland into a prison. Among the perks of Umbridge's reign: corporal punishment, truth serum-fueled inquisitions... and no trips to Hogsmeade!

That monster.

3. The Regis High School, 'Toy Soldiers' (1991)

It could be the plot of a coming-of-age comedy, but the Colombian terrorists who take over this private boys' school are missing the requisite hearts of gold. When the children of influential men are taken hostage at Regis, the students use their well-honed teacher-evasion skills to launch a rebellion. Disrespect for authority is a common theme in regular high schools -- but the administration rarely packs heat.

2. Herrington High School, 'The Faculty' (1998)

See above re: parasitic aliens. They're the menace within the faculty and staff of Herrington, and spread the infection to students through a series of mandatory ear infection checks. The lessons of "The Faculty" are simple: only medical professionals should examine your ears, and go easy on your annoying science teacher. At least he's never tried to take over your planet.

1. Kanagawa Prefecture School, 'Battle Royale' (2001)

Starmax

Before "The Hunger Games" marked the ruin of future America, there was "Battle Royale" in Japan. In the movie (and the novel it's based on), a class of delinquent ninth-grade students is captured by the government, relocated to an island, outfitted with weapons and forced to kill each other -- all under the Millennial Educational Reform Act, revolutionary legislation created to cure absenteeism and high school hijinks. We're not trying to tell any futuristic governments how to run their countries, but we gotta say... that's overkill. Literally.

Universal Studios

No, we don't mean it that way! Get your mind out of the gutter, pervs. In honor of the new movie "Savages" (July 6), we're obviously talking about how it seems like the best star vehicles have three wheels.

Occasionally, a fourth wannabe will try to awkwardly insert himself into the ménage à trois (witness poor Ernie Hudson in "Ghostbusters"), but history's proven that a triad has always struck a chord with audiences. So, sticking with that agreed-upon equation, here's a list of nine trios that prove that, as Schoolhouse Rock taught us, three really is a magic number.

9. Will, Elizabeth and Captain Jack in the 'The Pirates of the Caribbean' Series (2003-11)

Disney

Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) are one of those couples that would be -- let's face it -- sort of boring. So while they might act otherwise, you just know they totally get off on keeping company with the likes of weirdo Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp). Sure, he's always showing up needing help with his debts, and kind of ruined their wedding. But he's a real hoot and half and a heck of a lot more entertaining than yet another bridge night at the country club.

8. The Angels of 'Charlie's Angels' (2000)

Sony

Inspired by the cerebral '70s TV show of the same name, the three lethal ladies of this hit film offered audiences every flavor of woman imaginable. There was Cameron Diaz (the pretty blonde one), Drew Barrymore (the pretty redhead one) and Lucy Liu (the pretty brunette/Asian one). All bases got covered. Not that female audiences didn't receive their fair share of eye candy, too: Bill Murray and Crispin Glover were there heating up the screen ...

7. The Three Amigos in '¡Three Amigos!' (1986)

Orion Pictures

Steve Martin, Chevy Chase and Martin Short play dandy silent-film stars who are expected to save a small Mexican town from bandits when they are mistaken for actual heroes. But first, they must overcome their shared and immense cowardice as it slowly (very slowly) dawns on them that the desperate villagers expect gunplay, not jaunty musical numbers.

6. The 'Twilight' Love Triangle (2008-11)

Summit

In this PM-centric saga that's become the obsession of tweens, recently turned teens and adults with tweenaged hearts, Bella lives out every girl's dream of being fought over by a sensitive vampire and a 'roid raging werewolf. While it's cute that she stays pals with the hairy-backed hunk after shacking up with Edward, we recommend not letting Jacob near the newborn when there's a full moon. Could get ... messy.

5. The 'Superbad' Boys (2007)

Columbia Pictures

Some great threesomes are less smooth than others. Jonah Hill, Michael Cera and Christopher Mintz-Plasse might not possess the skills and dashing looks of the Three Musketeers, but charm comes in many forms. In this case, it came in the form of three awkward high school seniors searching for booze, so as to gain entrance to a party where they hoped they could get some action. And they succeeded in failing their way into our hearts.

4. Frodo, Sam and Gollum in 'The Lord of the Rings' Trilogy (2001-03)

New Line

A pair of pint-sized xenophobes from the Shire overcome their shortcomings and embark on a perilous journey to deposit the The One Ring into the fires of the solicitor-hindering Mount Doom. But it's only after the lads add the "wacky neighbor" of Middle-earth, Gollum, to their quest that their combined strengths culminate in a classic movie trinity. There's Frodo, with his earnest courage; Sam, with his homoerotic loyalty; and Gollum, with his crippling paranoid schizophrenia. The Golden Girls have got nothin' on these three.

3. The Three Stooges (the Originals)

Columbia Pictures

It's a safe bet that when these slapstick dunces team up, 1+1+1= 0. Although there were many Stooges (Ted, Moe, Larry, Shemp, Curly, Joe, Curly Joe, Emil ...) the magic number on screen at any given time was always three. See, that way, while two of the stooges whaled on each other, a third could be readying a 2x4 to nail 'em both.

2. Luke, Han and Leia in the "Star Wars" Trilogy (1977-83)

Lucasfilm

In what started out as a classic, often amusing love triangle with "Star Wars" and ended as an incestuous Greek tragedy near-miss (we hope) in "Return of the Jedi," Luke Skywalker and Han Solo vie for Princess Leia's affections while jointly battling the Empire. Only in the final installment do Luke and Leia figure out why that first kiss felt "relatively" unsettling.

1. Harry, Ron and Hermione in the 'Harry Potter' Series (2001-11)

Warner Bros.

Don't we all wish the subjects forced upon us in school seemed applicable in everyday life? Perhaps the appeal of the "Harry Potter" series is that these three friends got to live out every kid's dream: going to classes that teach useful information like how to fly brooms or cause your enemy to dance against her will. In little more than a decade, these Hogwart alums have gone from near obscurity to becoming the heroes of one of the most beloved stories of all time.

Originally published Oct. 19, 2011.

Disney/Pixar

In the UK, redheads or "gingers," once considered evil demonic spawn, are regularly insulted and abused. But we in America have a long-standing love affair with strawberry locks, so much so that many blondes and brunettes have dyed their hair to become famous fiery redheads, a la Lucille Ball, Nicole Kidman and Emma Stone.

In honor of Pixar's new "Brave" heroine Merida (voiced by Kelly Macdonald), we've assembled our list of favorite cinematic gingers -- and by that we mean the characters were redheads, not necessarily the actors. Yes, they're all ladies, but we'd love it if more actors like Damian Lewis, Michael Fassbender and Kevin McKidd let their ginger flags fly high. Rupert Grint can't be the only one to represent, guys.

9. Giselle in 'Enchanted' (Amy Adams)

Disney

A mashup of all the fairest of princesses, Giselle (like the actress who portrays her) is so adorable, it's impossible not to smile when she's twirling around Central Park encouraging guys not to take the ones they love for granted. As the great Bruce Springsteen puts it, "It takes a red headed woman to do get a dirty job done," and Giselle can make anything sparkly clean with her can-do spirit. That's what the Boss meant, right?

8. Rose in 'Titanic' (Kate Winslet)

Paramount

Is there a more romantic movie image than the sight of Rose standing in Jack's embrace "on top of the world," the ocean breeze fluttering through her auburn curls? We think not. High-born Rose may have worn her hair in a tightly controlled up-do at the beginning of the film, but by the time she's pledged herself to steerage's passionate Jack Dawson, her red hair blazes free and wild, just like their love.

7. Black Widow in 'The Avengers' (Scarlett Johansson)

Marvel/Disney

We adore women who can kick butt, and Black Widow (aka Natasha Romanoff) is precisely the sort of beauty you should never mess with -- ever. Look beyond the skin-tight uniform (we know it's hard) and spectacular display of fighting skills and see how vulnerable she is whenever Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) is mentioned. Tasha may be a mysterious badass, but she's no ice queen. We can't wait for her crimson-haired heroics in "Avengers 2."

6. Vivian in 'Pretty Woman' (Julia Roberts)

Buena Vista

If this were a list of our nine favorite movie streetwalkers, Vivian would top it. Roberts rocked her iconic role as the hooker with the heart of gold who wanted the fairy tale, not just a rich john. Give in to the pull of Roy Orbison's classic theme song and picture Vivian's Rodeo Drive makeover, dazzling smile and infectious laugh, and it's obvious why Richard Gere gave her everything.

5. Leeloo in 'The Fifth Element' (Milla Jovovich)

Columbia Pictures

It would be easy to dismiss Leeloo as just a sexy alien wearing an intergalactic bikini, but she's actually an extraterrestrial heroine, people, not just Jovovich stuffed into four strips of cloth. There's a lot of exposed skin, but this is Jovovich at her best -- a femme fatale who knows what she has to do to save our skin. Cheers to the redheaded rescuer of humanity who can rock a teeny-tiny costume for two hours.

4. Ariel in 'The Little Mermaid' (Jodi Benson)

Disney

We could've gone with the more predictable (not to mention red-hot) Jessica Rabbit, but there's something magical about Ariel. The irresistibly sweet mermaid princess is desperate to be part of the world above, and she sacrifices her one talent -- her voice -- in exchange for legs just to meet with her crush, Prince Eric. Disney infused Ariel with unmatched beauty and a transcendent voice that, along with the Oscar-winning soundtrack, gave "The Little Mermaid" legs.

3. Little Orphan Annie in 'Annie' (Aileen Quinn)

Columbia Pictures

Leapin' lizards! Annie is the most delightful ginger of the bunch. The character's signature red curls were a comic-strip legend long before she ever hit the silver screen, but Quinn brought the cute and scrappy orphan to life in the cherished '80s movie musical. Annie's the ultimate underdog, and with her sheer optimism -- even in the face of a hard-knock life – she helps audiences young and old realize that no matter how gray and lonely things get, there's always "Tomorrow."

2. Olive in 'Easy A' (Emma Stone)

Screen Gems

If Molly Ringwald is the epitome of the angst-ridden middle-class girl wondering if she's worthy, Stone's Olive is the embodiment of what we wish we'd been like in high school: confident, whip-smart, daringly subversive and unapologetically close to her awesome family (we want Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson as parents). Olive's "Scarlet Letter" experiment is at once a brilliant feminist statement and a comically misguided teen stunt, but through it all, Olive remains ridiculously lovable.

1. Molly Ringwald in Any '80s Movie

Universal

Ringwald will forever be known as the queen of '80s teen flicks. Her collaboration with writer-director John Hughes led to the Me Decade's most unforgettable suburban high-school movies, and she managed to make us believe that a swoon-worthy guy could fall for someone other than the busty blonde cheerleader. Ultimate props go to her fashion-forward misfit Andie in "Pretty in Pink" and her adorably insecure sister-of-the-bride Samantha in "Sixteen Candles."

Bonus Male Ginger: Ron Weasley in the 'Harry Potter' Movies (Rupert Grint)

Warner Bros.

We've already bemoaned the fact that there aren't enough redheaded guys in showbiz (and no, we aren't going to count Carrot Top, Chucky or the Lucky Charms leprechaun), but we can pay tribute to the ultimate male ginger: Ron Weasley in the seven "Harry Potter" films. He may not be the hero of the story, but Ron is more than just comic-relief sidekick: He saves Harry, faces his biggest fears, destroys a horcrux AND gets to finally snog the witch of his dreams.

Paramount

With "Rock of Ages" thundering through theaters on Friday, the retro spotlight will once again shine on the crazy '80s, the decade of decadence when rock stars were true rock stars and unapologetic about being so.

In anticipation of the nostalgia this will inspire, we're looking at nine hard-rock and heavy-metal films that have made noise in the mainstream. Horns up!

9. 'Detroit Rock City' (1999)

New Line

While a majority of teen flicks tend to focus on love, partying and sex, 'Detroit Rock City' has a singular directive -- getting four teenage KISS fanatics to a concert after one of their mothers burns their tickets and banishes her son to Catholic school. Naturally that's not going to stop them, and once reunited, the four garage bandmates (including Edward Furlong) go on a wild road trip that involves drugs, fights, a botched mugging and robbery, a strip club contest and other ridiculous situations. Despite flopping at the box office, 'Detroit Rock City' has developed a cult following over the years.

8. 'Detroit Metal City' (2008)

Panasia Films

Timid college grad Soichi Negishi loves playing sappy bubblegum pop. But he earns his livelihood anonymously behind the sinister visage of the evil Dr. Krauser in the misogynist Satanic metal band DMC (Detroit Metal City), which espouses rape and murder. His pop passion excites his journalist crush, but she abhors the twisted music that has made him famous. This clever Japanese comedy balances the sticky-sweet with the brutally loud as Soichi lives a dual life, not made easy by his gleefully violent band manager. Which side will win out? The resolution is surprising and cleverly riffs on how many rock stars are unlike their alter egos.

7. 'The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years' (1988)

New Line

Penelope Spheeris dove headlong into the hard rockin' Sunset Strip scene of late '80s L.A. She sensationalizes the hedonism -- Paul Stanley lounges in bed with numerous groupies, W.A.S.P.'s Chris Holmes floats drunkenly in his pool -- but things were insanely funny, hedonistic and stupid back then. The focus on hair bands discounts the more intelligent metal being made (although Lemmy, Alice Cooper and Dave Mustaine represent), but there are some ugly truths to be found here about the scene's nihilism and misogyny.

6. 'Rock Star' (2001)

Warner Bros.

Loosely inspired by the real-life story of tribute singer-turned-Judas Priest frontman Tim "Ripper" Owens, this tale of a cover band singer (Mark Wahlberg) who gets to sing for his heroes Steel Dragon gets some real-life details right -- you're now part of the club but will never run it -- while indulging in cliche excess. Real-life musicians Jeff Pilson, Jason Bonham and Zakk Wylde lend credibility, while the original songs are pretty catchy. This '80s period piece is a guilty pleasure, even though it's a stupid film cynically declaring that all rock stars are disposable. That may be true now, but it wasn't back then.

5. 'Conan the Barbarian' (1982)

Universal

This isn't a music movie, but few veteran metalheads haven't enjoyed watching Arnold Schwarzenegger seek violent retribution against the evil cult leader who murdered his parents and smashed his childhood innocence. And let's face it -- this sword 'n' sorcery epic has undoubtedly influenced numerous Viking metal bands, while Schwarzenegger's movies have served as fodder for Austrian Death Machine, the heavy side project of As I Lay Dying frontman Tim Lambesis. "Conan" is truly metal, an angry revenge pic with a sword-wielding barbarian unapologetically slashing and screwing his way to his goal.

4. The 'Bill & Ted' Movies (1989 and 1991)

Orion Pictures

Whether collecting famous historical figures for a high school history project through time travel ("Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure") or seeking to escape hell and stop their evil robot doubles from withholding their music from the masses ('Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey'), the Wyld Stallyns bandmates always manage to be oblivious to the utter craziness around them. They just have fun learning to play as well as Eddie Van Halen, seeing real iron maidens and defeating Death at Twister and Battleship. And excellent news: a third 'Bill & Ted' installment is being planned. Party on, dudes!

3. 'Anvil! The Story of Anvil' (2008)

Abramorama

There have been many great metal documentaries released over the last few years -- Metallica's "Some Kind of Monster," Iron Maiden's "Flight 666" and "Metal: A Headbanger's Journey" among them -- but Anvil's story really represents metal's eternal underdog status. Canadian brothers-in-arms Steve "Lips" Kudlow and Robb Reiner had toiled in obscurity for nearly three decades when their old roadie-turned-screenwriter Sacha Gervasi followed them on a faltering European tour. Revealing an intense friendship that has survived more lows than highs, the film transformed Anvil into folk heroes, securing their legend. Soon after, the band opened for AC/DC.

2. 'Wayne's World' (1992)

Paramount

Perhaps the only cool "SNL" film (with a sequel), this comedy cleverly features two suburban Illinois dudes (Mike Myers and Dana Carvey) with a public access cable show dreaming of greater TV and music glory (party on!). But potentially bigger success and Wayne's blossoming romance (schwing!) with Crucial Taunt frontwoman Cassandra (Tia Carrere) starts crimping the style of their bromance. Their shenanigans are often hilarious -- the guys and their friends rocking out to Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" in their car is classic -- and the cameo by Alice Cooper, who offers them a quick, scholarly history lesson on their community, is priceless (they're not worthy!).

1. 'This Is Spinal Tap' (1984)

Embassy Pictures

When it first came out, numerous bands thought this mockumentary was about them. Ozzy Osbourne thought it was a real documentary. The film has also created so many legendary moments -- turning amps to 11, penning a piano ballad called "Lick My Love Pump," opening for a puppet show -- that no other movie will ever come closer to accurately satirizing the craziness of the music business and metal. Core members David St. Hubbins (aka Michael McKean), Nigel Tufnel (Christopher Guest) and Derek Smalls (Harry Shearer) took the joke further by playing a secret club tour in 1984 and full-on amphitheater tours in 1992, 2001 and 2009.

Sony

We love our mothers. We wouldn't be here without them. As the years tick by, we become grateful for all the stuff that Mom bugged us about at the time – eating our vegetables, not sitting too close to the television, wearing warm clothes, paying attention in school, etc.

But sometimes, we wish our moms were a little cooler, and more like the ones we see in movies. Our moms grounded us for calling people names and wouldn't let us go to concerts. Movie moms fought killer robots, let their sons tour with rock bands... Our moms freaked out if we got home late, but movie moms are just glad you survived your fight with an evil wizard or supervillain.

So, in honor of Mother's Day, here are nine movie moms we'd like to have. We love you, Mom. We really do. But we can't help but love everything about these mommies, too.

9. Esme Cullen (Elizabeth Reaser), 'The Twilight Saga' (2008-2012)

Summit

Most wouldn't want a vampire as a mom, but they might make an exception if they met Esme Cullen. Sure, she gets a little crazy if she smells blood, but for the most part she's warm, generous, loving, and welcoming, even if you're a human girl dating her favorite son. Once you're in her family, she'll do anything for you, even go to war against vampires and werewolves or babysit your half-breed baby. Oh, and she enjoys baseball, art, and home decorating. She's a pretty normal mom, really, except for the whole immortality and blood-drinking.

8. Helen Incredible (Holly Hunter), 'The Incredibles' (2004)

The Incredibles

Having a superhero for a parent is a scary prospect. What if Mom's superpower was reading thoughts? Being invisible? Shape-shifting? You'd never be safe! If they were on a superhero team, they'd probably be even stricter than a regular mom because everything would be about truth and justice. But there is one superheroine we'd like to adopt us: Mrs. Helen Incredible, a.k.a. Elastigirl. She's funny, she's smart, she's supportive and understanding of her superkids, and she can fly a plane. Most importantly, her superpower is elasticity, which can't be used to discover who we're dating or whether or not we've done our chores before playing XBOX. It's just handy.

7. Mrs. Gump (Sally Field), 'Forrest Gump' (1994)

Paramount

It doesn't matter what you look like or what your IQ is, Mama Gump will love and defend you unconditionally. She'll do anything for you, even unspeakable things with your school principal. Sure, she speaks in goofy slogans, but she always has a happy spin on everything, even leg braces and unfortunate ancestors. Of all the moms on our list, she may be the closest one to a Jedi Master, since she calmly believes everyone – even Forrest – will discover their own destiny in time. No matter how upset you were about something, she would know the right thing to say.

6. Elaine Miller (Frances McDormand), 'Almost Famous' (2000)

DreamWorks

It's a given that moms don't like or approve of the music that you listen to, and Elaine Miller in "Almost Famous" is certainly no exception. She's a straight-laced college professor who frowns on rock music, but she doesn't ban it, and she lets her son go to Black Sabbath. Though she desperately wants him to be a lawyer, she recognizes that he loves music, and allows him to accept an assignment with Rolling Stone to tour with the rock band Stillwater. All she asks is that he check in and never do drugs. Sure, she puts the verbal smack-down on Stillwater and the Band-Aids, but she never freaks out and brings him home. Too good to be true? Hardly. She's based on director Cameron Crowe's real mom.

5. Jack (Michael Keaton), 'Mr. Mom' (1983)

Everett Collection

Sometimes, the best moms aren't moms, they're dads. Michael Keaton proved to be the perfect parental blend in "Mr. Mom." He mixed a dad's messy cool with a mom's strict rules, and with a healthy sense of humor. He fought the family vacuum cleaner, he learned how to cook, he developed a healthy fondness for kid's tv shows, and he was gentle about his son's obsessive attachment to a blanket. He punched out mean bosses, and was confident enough in his masculinity to hang out with neighborhood moms at the strip club. We'd be happy with a dad secure enough to be called a mom, and who had such a great sense of humor about our crazy, unconventional family life.

4. Bren MacGuff (Allison Janney), 'Juno' (2007)

Fox Searchlight

No mom (or stepmom, for that matter) wants to deal with a pregnant teenage daughter. But Bren MacGuff handles Juno's news with tranquility and humor, which makes us think she would handle just about everything – wrecked your car, flunked a test, dropped out of college – with calm. She doesn't abandon Juno in any time of need, either, and tears into ultrasound techs and doctors with the bite only a mother can deliver. If we can't get Sarah Connor or Mrs. Incredible in a time of crisis, we'll settle for Bren.

3. Rosemary Penderghast (Patricia Clarkson), 'Easy A' (2010)

Sony

Many of us have moms that are easy to talk to. Few of us have moms as relaxed and witty about everything as "Easy A'"s Olive Penderghast (Emma Stone). Mama Penderghast laughs about Olive getting detention, barely blinks an eye when her daughter starts wearing corsets blazoned with a scarlet A, she simply shares her own torrid past. She thinks her husband is "too straight." She pretends she is a Southern lady, and makes jokes about her adopted son. Her only flaw is that she always picks "family member of the week," dooming the entire Penderghast clan to unexciting rentals from Netflix. That's a small price to pay for a mom who doesn't lecture you for discussing sex on a video blog.

2. Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton), 'Terminator' (1984 - 1991)

Warner Bros.

Moms will always fight for their children, but no mom kicks as much butt as Sarah Connor. She's the entire heart of the "Terminator" saga. Most moms just want their kids to go to college and get a good job. Not Sarah. Her destiny is to mother, train, and protect John Connor so that he can lead the Resistance against Skynet, and be humanity's salvation. Sarah Connor is definitely not the most fun mom, but she does allow you to handle explosives and weaponry, and that beats taking out the trash. And that bully at school? Done.

1. Mrs. Molly Weasley (Julie Walters), 'Harry Potter' (2001-2011)

Warner Bros.

Sometimes, the best kind of mom is just a cuddly one, and that's Mrs. Weasley. She provides a home away from Hogwarts, the Dursleys, and Voldemort for Harry. Though she's known for delivering a Howler, spanking someone with a broomstick, or delivering a killing spell, she's pretty sweet and relaxed for a mom of seven (seven!). She's content if the house remains standing and everyone's happy, healthy, and alive. But best of all is her cooking. No matter what evil or disaster Voldemort and his Death Eaters are unleashing on the wizarding world, Mrs. Weasley always has an incredible meal waiting for her family and the Order of the Phoenix. We want her to adopt us just so we can have her onion soup, her bread, and her treacle tarts.

Originally published May 6, 2011.

Miramax

If there's one rule governing the animal kingdom, it's this: You do not mess with Mom. Ever. If you come between a mama and her cub, you will lose. They're the most terrifying force in the animal kingdom, and they'll do anything to protect their babies.

Of course, you don't need science to tell you that. You know Mom can always be counted on to swoop in like a cookie-baking Batman, knock out a bully, and take you home for story time. (That reminds us, have you bought her a present yet?)

Movies may not get a lot right (physics, romance, book adaptations), but for the most part, they do right by moms. Especially tough moms. Cinema is packed with gun-toting, take-no-prisoners, willing-to-die mothers, and they're all so inspiring that we hated cutting it off at 9. But we did, and here are the Baddest Muthas in Movies. Add your own at #10.

9. Angelina Jolie as Grendel's Mother in 'Beowulf' (2007)

Paramount

Beowulf is essentially the first English action story, so it's not surprising that it features a tough mother like all of its descendants do. Sure, she's nameless, but she poses even more of a threat to Beowulf than her ferocious son does. In the original poem, she's all claws and bloodlust; in the 21st century she's been given something even deadlier -- the body and face of Angelina Jolie.

8. Jodie Foster as Meg Altman in 'Panic Room' (2002)

Columbia Pictures

Your first night in a new house is usually full of dilemmas like "Where should we get dinner?" and "Where did I pack my pajamas?" But not for the mom and daughter in "Panic Room." They're burglarized, locked in a single room and facing a diabetic crisis. Luckily, Mama Meg thinks on her feet, and isn't afraid to throw blows, grab a gun or wield a sledgehammer if it means protecting her baby girl.

7. Estelle Getty as Mrs. Tutti Bomowski in 'Stop or My Mom Will Shoot!' (1992)

Universal

Who is the one person in the world that Sylvester Stallone's Joe Bomowski is afraid of? His ma. She cleans his gun, overfeeds him, heckles him and doesn't let a closed bathroom door stop her. What she lacks in bone density and height, she makes up for in brains, aim, wit and the ability to score heavy artillery off the back of a truck.

6. Julie Walters as Mrs. Weasley in the 'Harry Potter' Series (2001-2011)

Warner Bros.

At first, Mrs. Weasley doesn't seem tough on anyone but her unwieldy brood. She cooks, she knits, she fusses and she shouts. But when Voldemort threatens, she's one of the first to join the fight against him, offering support that's motherly and martial. She's pure steel in her penultimate moment, when she doesn't even flinch from killing Bellatrix Lestrange -- accompanying it with a line any action hero would envy.

5. Jennifer Lopez as Slim in 'Enough' (2002)

Columbia Pictures

Slim spends much of "Enough" running from her abusive husband, Mitch. But when he pushes down their daughter, Gracie, and makes her cry, she's had enough. She takes Krav Maga, chops off her hair, plans incriminating evidence and lets Mitch have it. You can hurt J.Lo, and she'll let you live. If you hurt her baby? You'll bleed.

4. Holly Hunter as Mrs. Helen Incredible, aka Elastigirl, in 'The Incredibles' (2004)

Pixar/Disney

Married, with three kids? Pfft. Once a superhero, always a superhero. Mrs. Incredible may not fit into her suit as well as she once did, but she's willing to don it and fly right into the heart of danger if it means saving her loved ones from a supervillain. She can fight, flight a jet, cheer on her kids, and save Metroville on the way home. Easy stuff for a mom.

3. Sigourney Weaver as Ripley in 'Alien' (1979) and 'Aliens' (1986)

20th Century Fox

We knew Ripley had a maternal side when she saved the cat in "Alien." We didn't know she was actually a mom until "Aliens." Though she lost her daughter, Ripley wastes no time grieving. Instead, she gives all her blood, sweat and tears to protecting little Newt, and woe to the Alien Queen who dares touch her adopted baby.

2. Uma Thurman as Beatrix Kiddo in 'Kill Bill' (2003 and 2004)

Miramax

If you thought a mom protecting her child was tough, wait until you encounter a mama out to avenge her unborn cub. Beatrix Kiddo happily cuts through assassins and ninjas, all in the name of her baby. When she discovers her daughter is still alive, she smiles, delivers a killing blow to BB's father and takes her girl home. And then all is well in the jungle.

1. Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor in 'The Terminator' (1984) and 'Terminator 2: Judgment Day' (1991)

TriStar

It's daunting to be told you're the mother of humanity's savior, and that machines from the future want to kill you. But Sarah Connor takes it as well as can be expected, and promptly transforms herself from your average waitress into a ripped warrior, ferocious and cool in combat. Her willingness to be impaled by the T2 to protect her son makes her the fiercest mom we know ... but we think ours would do the same.

Universal

Relationships can turn us into self-involved, sentimental wrecks. But throw on a good romantic comedy and suddenly it's tough to take yourself too seriously. With life back in perspective, you laugh away your tears and regain the certainty that love will conquer all.

Well, unless you're a guy.

Men seem more immune to the mirror these movies hold up, perhaps because they rarely see themselves reflected. It's the infrequent film that makes a guy nod his head and say "Yup, that's me in love. Aren't I silly?"

Because the hilarious new flick "The Five-Year Engagement" fits the bill, here are our favorite rom-coms that aren't just for chicks.

9. '(500) Days of Summer' (2009)

Fox Searchlight

In a bit of postmodern role reversal, Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is a hopeless romantic who's sure that true love is his only shot at happiness. Zooey Deschanel plays Summer, a pragmatist who doesn't believe true love exists. As Tom retells the story of their doomed romance to his friends, his memories and self-deceptions are displayed before us in all their fantastical, musical and surrealistic glory. If "Annie Hall" and "Glee" had a baby, it would be this -- and it would be a dancing baby.

8. 'Some Like It Hot' (1959)

Billy Wilder's classic screwball comedy asks the question: Would you dress up like a woman for a few of weeks for a shot at Marilyn Monroe? Had it been any other actress, the premise might not have flown. But it's Marilyn Monroe. So we totally get why Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis dress in drag, trip in heels and suffer endless come-ons from dirty old men, just to steal a few more moments with the blonde bombshell. This pic is often cited by film theorists for its subversive, cross-dressing, subtextual implications. But for most audiences, it's just funny seeing Jack Lemmon in lipstick.

7. 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' (2008)

Universal

Jason Segel plays a broken -- often nude -- man in this underrated gem marking Russell Brand's (and Segel's penis's) debut on the big screen. After being dumped by his TV star girlfriend, Sarah (the lovely Kristen Bell), Segel takes a consolatory trip to Hawaii. But Sarah happens to be staying at his hotel with Brand -- the sort of VD-infused sex god every guy has nightmares about his girl hooking up with. It's hard not to love Segel, who isn't afraid to play the sad sack we've all been at one time or another. And it's hard to get over his awesome Dracula rock opera with puppets.

6. 'Roxanne' (1987)

A must-watch for males disenchanted with romance. Steve Martin proves language is the key to a woman's heart, even when the poet's saddled with the world’s biggest schnoz. Daryl Hannah is elegant as the beautiful Roxanne, who thinks she's hot for a hunky fireman, but learns the frilly words he seduced her with were fed to him by his long-nosed co-worker. An added bonus is that guys watching this flick can feel super classy 'cause the story's based on the French play "Cyrano de Bergerac." And French stuff is super classy.

5. 'Annie Hall' (1977)

If you don't get Woody Allen's opening joke about not wanting to belong to any club that would have you as a member, then "Annie Hall" isn't for you. Allen resembles what a man's super-ego might look like if it grew limbs and purchased some glasses. And his obsessive dissection of his relationship with the wonderfully scatterbrained Annie (Diane Keaton) is an acquired taste. But if you're the type who too often feels with his head instead of his heart, nothing will help you laugh your way through a break-up like this Academy Award-winning masterpiece.

4. 'The Wedding Singer' (1998)

New Line

When it's boys-night-in (Wednesdays, traditionally), this Adam Sandler/Drew Barrymore '80s flashback is sure to please the fellas. Few dudes can resist curling up on the couch in their jammies and singing along with Sandler as he ruins weddings with tunes of bitterness and despair. And let's not forget Barrymore, who was at her scientifically confirmed zenith of adorkableness, resembling a sort of...sexy Tweety Bird. And just when you thought it couldn't get better, that grandma performs "Rapper’s Delight."

3. 'When Harry Met Sally' (1989)

Billy Crystal gave up the male race's secret that all men want to sleep with every female friend. And never before has a movie led to so many awkward conversations in the car ride home from the theater. Meg Ryan gave up the female race's secret that all women fake orgasms. And never before has a male audience so enjoyed a point being proven. Sometimes honesty needs to be screamed -- and moaned a little.

2. 'There's Something About Mary' (1998)

This Farrelly Brothers tour de force might best be remembered for its outrageous scenes of zipper-meets-testicle mishaps and canine CPR miracles. But it's far superior to other gross-out films of its day. At its core lies the sweet story of a sentimental guy (Ben Stiller) who refuses to end his search for his high school crush, even after being falsely informed that she's a 250-pound, wheelchair-bound mail-order bride. Cameron Diaz shines brightly at the center of the film, and it's easy to understand why Stiller must compete with every creep under the sun (including that perv, Brett Favre) to win her affections. It's the rare comedy that can be earnestly high-minded and hilariously lowbrow at the same time.

1. 'High Fidelity' (2000)

Buena Vista

Rob (John Cusack) and Barry (Jack Black) work at a record store and waste innumerable hours ranking music as if taste could be accounted for (yes, like we're doing here...). When Rob's girlfriend leaves him, he acts like a guy. He begs for her to return, even though he wanted to see other people. He sleeps with Lisa Bonet (who wouldn't?) but is filled with sanctimonious rage upon learning his ex is shagging Ray (Tim Robbins), a cheesy guru who's into tantric sex and world music.

By the conclusion, Rob's back with the girl and makes her a mixtape she'll like, rather than imposing his own tastes. This small leap of maturity feels representative of the real life self-improvements men hope to make. And it's this realism, along with its wit, that makes "High Fidelity" a favorite amongst menfolk everywhere.

Originally published Nov. 24, 2011.

Warner Bros.

The numbers 4-20 have tons of significance in both world history and American culture. It's Hitler's birthday and the date of the Columbine massacre, for starters.

But since those two are such buzzkills, we'll focus on what else the date means: high time for stoners everywhere.

Looking back at our favorite stoner films, we notice many actors portray potheads one-dimensionally: eyes glazed, dopey voice, etc. We love the following movie stoners because they're not only funny, but also multidimensional.

Okay, but mostly because they're funny.

9. Brad Pitt, 'True Romance' (1993)

Warner Bros.

Floyd is the ultimate slacker stoner. Pitt plays the character as being so high he barely forms words outside of mumbling, "Hey! Get some beer and some cleaning products." His scenes provide great comedic relief in an otherwise rough and violent movie.

We relate because we've had nightmarishly lazy roommates like Floyd. The scenes are twice as funny now in hindsight, now that "Floyd" tops A-list celebrities.

8. Danny McBride, 'Pineapple Express' (2008)

Columbia Pictures

While McBride's character Red is not as recognizable as others on this list (or as the film's leads, Seth Rogen and James Franco), it should continue to standout as one of the most unique and entertaining stoners in cinema. Red is cocky, effeminate and completely eccentric. He alternates between cowardly and gutsy throughout the film, saves the day in the end and appears to be indestructible after being beat up, shot and blown up. Just thinking about him makes us smile.

7. Chris Tucker, 'Friday' (1995)

New Line Cinema

Tucker's character Smokey is a perfect test candidate for medical marijuana's effects on hyperactivity. Smoking seems to be the only thing that calms and focuses him. He's also a hilarious "devil-on-the-shoulder" for Ice Cube's straight-laced character.

We all have friends like Smokey (just not as funny). They'll get us in trouble but we'll keep them around because they always keep things interesting.

6. Bridget Fonda, 'Jackie Brown' (1997)

Miramax

There is currently a stoner comedy in development with Natalie Portman, which is exciting because there are surprisingly few great female stoners on film. Fonda's character Melanie Ralston is one of the few exceptions (see also Anna Faris in the not-so-good "Smiley Face"). She is every slacker's dream girl, a throwback '70s surfer chick living in modern times but still practicing free love. However, Melanie isn't just some peaceful hippy. She hangs with a dangerous run-and-gun crowd.

5. Dave Chappelle, 'Half Baked' (1998)

Universal

Chappelle is inspired as Thurgood Jenkins, the "straight-man" stoner. He balances out the crazy characters played by Jim Breuer, Guillermo Diaz and Harland Williams, and also guides the audience through New York's marijuana subculture.

Even if you are completely against the drug, you'll still enjoy hanging with Thurgood. He's hilarious, rationale and relatively productive. The reason he's not higher is we now realize Chappelle was just playing himself – at least before he dropped out of the biz.

4. Jeff Bridges, 'The Big Lebowski' (1998)

Gramercy Pictures

The Dude has to be on this list. What other stoner has conventions, books and an online religion devoted to him? The Dudeism organization, The Church of the Latter-Day Dude, has ordained over 50,000 Dudeist Priests. There are dozens of annual Lebowski Fests across the world. It's because The Dude, as well Daniels' portrayal of him, is multi-layered, at peace with his world and able to tackle large challenges when needed – all while stoned out of his mind.

3. Cheech Marin & Tommy Chong, 'Cheech & Chong' series

Everett Collection

These guys are to stoner comedy what the Sex Pistols are to punk rock. Even if they didn't invent it, they kicked off its birth. People joked about potheads beforehand but Cheech and Chong were the first to realize a whole movie could be built around these characters.

Their influence is even evident in today's pot-less comedies. Just look at all the movies with slackers or buffoons as the lead characters. Before "Up In Smoke," most leads were the wise person surrounded by fools.

2. Sean Penn, 'Fast Times at Ridgemont High' (1982)

Universal

Jeff Spicoli is the prototype for all slacker high school students and teen stoners in subsequent movies. Penn nailed the surfer-dude vibe and clueless disposition that would inspire "Bill & Ted," Rory Cochrane in "Dazed and Confused," James Franco in "Pineapple Express" and dozens of others. What makes the performance even better is knowing Penn played a military cadet in "Taps" a year before and a juvenile delinquent in "Bad Boys" a year later. He proved his range from the start.

1. John Cho & Kal Penn, 'Harold & Kumar' series

New Line Cinema

Movie stoners are mostly portrayed as losers or criminals, with little going for them except the party. Yet, we know all types of people smoke weed. "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle" depicted this reality to a tee. Harold is an investment banker and Kumar is a perfect candidate for medical school.

Refuting one stereotype after another in hilarious and lovable fashion, they prove Asian-American professionals enjoy late-night munchies as much as anyone.

Originally published Nov. 20, 2010.

If eyes are the windows to the soul, then eyebrows are the hairy curtain rods. And with each passing decade, the fickle tastes of the moviegoing masses swing wildly from one grooming extreme to another, whether it's a liking for light plucking or an all-out paint job.

Fortunately, for us lovers of the bushier brow, au naturel is back in vogue with Lily Collins, star of "Mirror Mirror" (March 30), raising eyebrows everywhere. Here's our top 9 list of impressive brow-beaters.

Lionsgate

For over 25 years, Woody Harrelson has entertained us with a wide array of characters ranging from psychopaths to lovable losers. This year alone we've seen him in two very different parts: a wickedly corrupt L.A. cop in "Rampart" and a Republican party strategist in "Game Change." His latest role -- sure to be one of his more colorful -- is Haymitch Abernathy, the drunken mentor of Katniss in "The Hunger Games."

To celebrate his versatility, we look back at Harrelson’s nine best performances in what has become an impressive career.

9. 'A Scanner Darkly' (2006)

Warner Independent

"The Hunger Games" isn’t the first time Harrelson has worked with existing material. In Richard Linklater’s adaptation of the classic Philip K. Dick sci-fi thriller, Harrelson plays Ernie Luckman, the mellow yet extremely paranoid member of a group of drug addicts that have an undercover cop in their midst. Starring opposite Robert Downey Jr., Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder, a laid-back Harrelson blends in perfectly with the ensemble. Watch here.

8. 'Indecent Proposal' (1993)

Paramount

He honed his comedic chops on TV (spending eight years on "Cheers") and supporting roles in movies, but Harrelson got his first taste of dramatic work when he costarred opposite Demi Moore and Robert Redford in this sexually charged drama from the director of "Fatal Attraction," Adrian Lyne. Harrelson plays a husband who, while dealing with financial hardship, agrees to let a sly billionaire (Redford) spend the night with his wife (Moore) for a million dollars, then mentally falls apart afterwards. Watch here.

7. 'Zombieland' (2009)

Columbia Pictures

After years of doing small indies or taking bit parts in larger movies, Harrelson finally signed on for a legitimate lead role. And seriously, could anyone else have starred as Tallahassee? In this zombie-infested post-apocalyptic comedy he plays the trigger-happy good ol' boy to perfection. And it takes talent when you’re a devout vegan but can believably play someone who craves Twinkies. Watch here.

6. 'No Country for Old Men' (2007)

Miramax

In a film filled with so many outstanding performances, Harrelson's is often forgotten. But his scene opposite Javier Bardem is chilling -- his character, Carson Wells, a bounty hunter hired to hunt down Chigurh (Bardem), suddenly becomes the hunted. Just look at Harrelson’s face when he sits in the room with Bardem. He knows it's bye-bye time. Watch here.

5. 'White Men Can't Jump' (1992)

20th Century Fox

There's just something about Harrelson teaming with Wesley Snipes that puts a smile on our faces (but we won’t talk about "Money Train"). In this comedy set on the basketball courts of Venice, California, Harrelson and Snipes play a pair of hustlers who use the stereotypes of white players to make money. Harrelson showed he got game; the film's basketball coach, NBA Hall of Famer Bob Lanier, admitted during shooting that both he and Snipes had reached a college basketball Division III skill level. Though their believability as ballers is impressive, what makes the film is Harrelson's ability to keep up with Snipes’ motor mouth. Watch here.

4. 'Kingpin' (1996)

MGM

"Zombieland" wasn't the only time Harrelson starred opposite Bill Murray. The first time was in this Farrelly brothers cult classic. Harrelson plays a former bowling prodigy who looses his hand after hustling with another pro, "Big Ern" (Murray). Having played the pretty boy for most of his career, Harrelson abandoned his typical persona for comedy, playing an overweight slob with a horrible combover and hook on one hand. It made for hilarious moments. Watch here.

3. 'The Messenger' (2009)

Oscilloscope

Before "Rampart," Harrelson and writer-director Oren Moverman teamed for a harrowing look at a soldier's return from combat and his new responsibility. Harrelson earned an Oscar nomination for his gripping supporting performance as a casualty notification officer responsible for instructing his newest member (Ben Foster) on how to deliver the news of a soldier's death to their next of kin. When he falls off the wagon at the end of the movie, the vulnerability of this hardass superior officer is revealed, leading to the film's most touching moment. Watch here.

2. 'The People vs. Larry Flynt' (1996)

Columbia Pictures

His Oscar-nominated performance as the controversial Hustler publisher Larry Flynt was a landmark in Harrelson's career. Embodying Flynt physically and vocally, Harrelson was at the peak of his talents (and popularity) and surprised many in the industry who just thought of him as a fun-loving hippie. Though the film covered serious material, it's Harrelson's comic timing that lightens the hardships in Flynt's life. Watch here.

1. 'Natural Born Killers' (1994)

Warner Bros.

Oliver Stone's highly controversial, ultra-violent love fable starred Harrelson and Juliette Lewis as a pair of psychopathic murders on a nationwide killing spree for the heck of it. Sporting a shaved head and Coke-bottle sunglasses for the film's poster, Harrelson quickly became a lightning rod for criticism about violence in movies. Like it or not, the dark role would epitomize his no-fear attitude towards playing difficult characters. Watch here.

Warner Bros.

When most people hear the word "Mafia," it conjures up images of "The Godfather," "Goodfellas" and "The Sopranos." But Italian-Americans are hardly the only ethnic group to establish large organized crime rings.

Irish mobsters regularly challenged the Cosa Nostra for territory throughout American history -- and like their Italian counterparts, their conquests have made for some damn fine movies, dating all the way back to the James Cagney vehicles of the 1930s.

So this St. Patrick's Day, do your part as an educated movie fan and revisit the best Irish Mafia films of all time. We guarantee you'll feel better than your Irish Car Bomb-chugging friends the morning after.

9. 'Gangs of New York' (2002)

Miramax

New York City was built upon organized crime. With millions of immigrants pouring into the city during 1800s, violence regularly broke out between gangs of different ethnicities. Martin Scorsese's Best Picture nominee begins with a territorial riot between the "Natives" and the Irish Catholic "Dead Rabbits." After seeing his father and Dead Rabbits leader die, Amsterdam Vallon (Leonardo Di Caprio) rises up as an adult to battle the man responsible Bill "The Butcher" Cutting (Daniel Day-Lewis).

8.'Road to Perdition' (2002)

Twentieth Century Fox

Director Sam Mendes chose this movie to follow-up his critically acclaimed breakout, "American Beauty" (1999). Set in Illinois during the Great Depression, Tom Hanks plays Michael Sullivan, a hitman for an Irish crime boss John Rooney (Paul Newman), chief rival of Al Capone. When Sullivan's son witnesses a murder by Connor Rooney (Daniel Craig), the event puts the entire family in peril and forces the father and son out on a pensive and bloody road trip.

7.'State of Grace' (1990)

Orion Pictures

Inspired by the real life Hell's Kitchen gang, The Westies, this underrated neo-noir crime film stars Sean Penn as Terry Noonan who returns to his New York neighborhood after a long time away. His intentions are to join the Irish gang alongside his childhood friend Jackie Flannery (Gary Oldman) and led by his older brother Frankie Flannery (Ed Harris). What the Flannerys don't know: Terry has become an undercover cop. D'oh!

6.'The Sting' (1973)

Universal

After establishing themselves as one of film's best duos ever with "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid," Paul Newman and Robert Redford reteamed for this rip-roarind caper. They play grifters attempting to swindle Irish mob boss Doyle Lonnegan (Robert Shaw) with a con that's too complicated to explain in the space allowed here. "The Sting" took home seven Academy Awards including Best Original Screenplay, Best Director and Best Picture (making Julia Phillips the first female producer ever to win Oscar's top prize).

5. 'A History Of Violence' (2005)

New Line

Adapted from the popular graphic novel, this stunning David Cronenberg thriller was beloved by critics but divided audiences. Small-town restaurant owner Tom Stall (Viggo Mortenson) becomes famous for brutally killing two robbers. Unfortunately, that brings his Irish Mafia past back in the form of scarred gangster Carl Fogerty (Ed Harris). The film's measured pace, spiked with unsuspected moments of graphic violence and sex, makes this one an unforgettable watch.

4.'The Public Enemy' (1931)

Warner Bros

James Cagney is one of the most iconic tough guys from the golden age of cinema. Two of his most beloved performances were Irish gangsters Rocky Sullivan in "Angels with Dirty Faces" (1938) and Tom Powers in "The Public Enemy." His seventh film, "Enemy" became arguably the most influential gangster picture of its time. Powers is a Prohibition bootlegger working his way up the ranks of organized crime as his shell-shocked veteran brother Mike (Donald Cook) tries to stop him.

3.'Miller's Crossing' (1990)

Twentieth Century Fox

After the masterful low-budget thriller "Blood Simple" (1984), and darkly hilarious "Raising Arizona" (1987), Joel and Ethan Coen set about making one of the best Mafia films of all time. "Miller's Crossing" follows criminal Tom Reegan (Gabriel Byrne) as he navigates between the Prohibition-era Irish and Italian mobs. The movie is packed with signature elements that have made the Coens film icons: black comedy, unforeseen plot twists, brutal violence portrayed matter-of-factly, eccentric characters and an obscure ending. John Turturro and Steve Buscemi turn in perfect performances as crooked gay bookies.

2.'On The Waterfront' (1954)

Columbia

Elia Kazan's black and white crime drama starring Marlon Brando is required viewing in film classes for a reason. The story was based on actual mob informers from the docks of Hoboken, New Jersey, where longshoreman were paid to look the other way while Irish mobsters did their dirty business. Unfortunately, Terry Malloy (Brando), apparently one of the few dock workers with a conscious, sees his coworker murdered and gets caught in no-win situation. A truly timeless film.

1.'The Departed' (2006)

Warner Bros

Martin Scorsese may have earned his reputation with films about tough Italian-Americans like "Mean Streets" (1973),  "Goodfellas" (1991) and "Casino" (1995), but it was the Irish Mafia that won him his first Oscar. A remake of the 2002 Hong Kong film "Infernal Affairs" (and by extension, one of the best remakes ever made) and set in South Boston, this exhilarating mob flick is driven by Jack Nicholson as Irish mobster Frank Costello (even Scorsese's Irish characters sound Italian...). It's a twisty masterpiece that blurs the line between good guys and bad guys, and leaves your head spinning in wonder.

Originally published March 16, 2011.

With Saint Patrick's Day upon us, we're excited to reflect on the many contributions of the Irish people. And we totally plan on reading "How the Irish Saved Civilization," which we're guessing is about how the Irish stopped a killer comet from crashing into the Earth.

But in the meantime, we're honoring the great people of Ireland (while reaffirming our ceaseless commitment to environmentalism) by listing our nine favorite movie characters who keep it green all year long, not just when it's festively fashionable.

TriStar

The best thing about our list of the nine greatest karaoke scenes in movies? That the scenes we've chosen are not only fun to watch, but they can also provide helpful hints to real-world karaoke singers (even those who happen to be movie stars).

From the sincere crooning in "Duets" and Chris Tucker's committed Michael Jackson cover in "Rush Hour 2" to Hilary Swank's sexy Prince jam in "P.S. I Love You" and the deliciously over-the-top performance of our number one pick, these are some movie karaoke moments that might just inspire you to rock the mic yourself.

9. Andre Braugher and Paul Giamatti in 'Duets' (2000)

The whole movie's about karaoke, so of course, we had to include one of its many karaoke performances to get this list started. Do we still giggle a bit at the mere idea of a plot that revolves around Huey Lewis as a road-tripping karaoke hustler? Yeah (come on, the term "karaoke hustler"?). But there's nothing funny, and a lot completely delightful, about Braugher and Giamatti's singing "Try a Little Tenderness." In karaoke, there are several ways to wow with your performance, and sincerity is one of those ways. These "Duet" dudes? They've got it (plus pretty good voices, too).

8. Ewan McGregor and Cameron Diaz in 'A Life Less Ordinary' (1997)

He's a fired janitor, and she's the spoiled daughter of his wealthy boss. Why are they doing karaoke? He kidnapped her, and their performance of "Beyond the Sea" takes place when she, bored with her life, decides to go along with the 'napping. She's fully embracing it at the bar where they enthusiastically sing (and dance) while posing as newlyweds. And this brings us to karaoke method No. 2: If you haven't got the vocal chops (and Diaz, especially, does not), enthusiasm can sell a bill of goods when your voice can't.

7. Chris Tucker in 'Rush Hour 2' (2001)

See, enthusiasm. Chris Tucker is no Michael Jackson, nor even a reasonably talented MJ impersonator; but he tackles "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" with enough zeal, and sincere attempts at Jacko dance moves, that his karaoke performance is pure entertainment. And those ladies in the club sure seem to dig his action.

6. Hilary Swank in 'P.S. I Love You' (2007)

Warner Bros.

Uptight woman (Hilary Swank), raucous party guy man (Gerard Butler) ... It's soooo chick flick-y to have him dare her -- bet her $200, actually -- to get up and perform a bit of karaoke in a crowded bar. But Swank's Holly takes it one step further by hiking up her shirt, lowering her skirt and belting out Prince's naughty "Gett Off" with a sexy dance to boot. Well, it was sexy, until she tripped over those mic wires. Still, an A for effort!

Watch the scene

5. Bill Murray in 'Lost in Translation' (2003)

Bill Murray singing Roxy Music? As if we need say more. But we will. This rocks. Because as funny as Murray is, he is exactly that great when he turns it around for the drama. We're not saying his voice is great, but there could have been no better way to show his character Bob's connection with Scarlett Johansson's Charlotte than his singing of "More Than This." Classic.

4. Joseph Gordon-Levitt in '(500) Days of Summer' (2009)

There's another way you can go with karaoke: You can actually be a good singer. Such is the case of JGL performing the Pixies' "Here Comes Your Man." Though his Tom is supposed to be very drunk -- which is the only way he can screw up the courage to take the karaoke stage -- the actor (who is also a singer a real life) kills it, egged on by the beautiful Summer (Zooey Deschanel), the girl he hopes to impress enough that she'll eventually break his heart.

3. Cameron Diaz in 'My Best Friend's Wedding' (1997)

Ooooh, that Julia Roberts! She was a bully, that's what she was. And she tricked poor Kimmie (Cameron Diaz) into picking up the karaoke mic, knowing Kimmie was deathly afraid of singing in front of a crowd (and with good reason ... Kimmie = terrible). But the joke was on Roberts' Julianne, because she forgot one important rule of chickflickdom: People love an underdog. When Kimmie works up the nerve to warble "I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself," she wows the crowd (and her fiancé, played by Dermot Mulroney) and leaves Julianne faced.

2. Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan in 'When Harry Met Sally' (1989)

This karaoke scene is so old-school that Harry (Crystal) doesn't even call it karaoke. He calls it a "singing machine." And we love when he and Sally, while shopping for a wedding gift at a Sharper Image-y store, fire it up and take it out for a spin with that "Oklahoma" gem "Surrey With the Fringe on Top." Harry even does some theatrical gesturing during the song for bonus karaoke, err, singing-machine points; and no, no one really knows what a surrey is.

1. Jim Carrey in 'The Cable Guy' (1996)

Jim Carrey throws his whole body into his best comedy bits, and that's why this karaoke movie moment, in which he literally throws his body onto the floor, tops our list. His TV-obsessed cable guy, Chip Douglas, is trying to impress new friend Steven (Matthew Broderick) with a swingin' soiree, and that means a rowdy performance of "Somebody to Love," complete with leather pants, fringe jacket, gyrating hips and a version of the song that's so good it ended up on the movie's soundtrack.

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So, in honor of those sexy boxing bad boys of "Real Steel," and for all of you geeks who are binary curious, here's a rundown of cinema's hottest bleepin' droids.

Originally published June 29, 2011.

20th Century Fox

Animals: They're a good source of protein. The cowboy's slaves. Furry, stupid people. By whatever name you choose to call them, there's no doubting that animals are both funny and delicious.

But what have they ever accomplished on their own? Nothing! If it weren't for us humans dressing them up in funny hats and putting them on greeting cards, there wouldn't be a single gainfully employed animal.

Fortunately, "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" might be the wake-up call our cuddly companions need to start cleaning their own litter boxes, if not take over the world. But if ape-ageddon isn't the right route for your pet, here are some other examples of impressive animals that might light a fire under their furry butts.

9. Scooby-Doo in 'Scooby-Doo' (2002)

Warner Bros.

Accomplishment: Sort of talking and sort of standing

What's most impressive about this canine sleuth aren't his questionable powers of deduction, so much as the fact that he convinced the rest of the Mystery Inc. gang to let him join their all-human team. Granted, they drive around in a psychedelic van hallucinating about "supernatural" fiends, so perhaps admitting a dog into their company wasn't such a stretch. Still, Scooby-Doo must be recognized for paving the way for... any future dog that wants to solve mysteries.

8. Jack the Chimp in 'MVP: Most Valuable Primate' (2000)

Keystone Family Pictures

Accomplishment: Not biting off anyone's faces

Most of us have, at one time or another, pondered if a chimp could -- nay, should -- play professional hockey. The answer to both questions is apparently a resounding "yes!"  This straight-to-video franchise taught us that, if the rule book doesn't explicitly spell out that only humans can play a sport, than it's time to start throwing chimps onto an ice rink. In future films, Jack tackled skateboarding and snowboarding. But, eventually, the producers ran out of things they could strap the chimp onto without drowning him.

7. Hooch in 'Turner & Hooch' (1989)

Touchstone

Accomplishment: Costarring with Tom Hanks

One's neat, one's sloppy. One's awkward, one's got a way with the ladies. But if you think this buddy cop team sounds tired and familiar, hold on to your hats -- because in "Turner and Hooch," one of these cops is played by Tom Hanks and the other is... wait for it... a dog. A dog investigating a murder?! Never saw that coming, didja? Oh, you did? You say "K-9" with Jim Belushi came out earlier that year and had the exact same plot? Well, costarring with Tom Hanks is still pretty impressive.

6. Underdog in 'Underdog' (2007)

Disney

Accomplishment: Not using his superpowers to get revenge on humans

When mild-mannered beagle Shoeshine is injected with a mad scientist's secret formula, he gains the power to fly and even talk. He becomes Underdog and straps on a cape. But what's so impressive about this super pooch is that, once his powers have been unleashed, he chooses to protect his human masters from evil, rather than turning them into collar-wearing slaves and forcing them to go to the toilet on city sidewalks. After all, we sort of deserve that, don't we?

5. Babe the Pig in 'Babe' (1995)

Universal

Accomplishment: Herding sheep, not getting eaten

After being won at a fair by Farmer Hoggett, Babe is taken to a crazy farm where the duck crows like a rooster and rats sings like Elvis. But while this farm may be progressive, it's not kosher, and Babe's in danger of biting the big apple on the Christmas dinner table if he doesn't think fast. Adapting to a changing job market, Babe takes on a new job skill and wins his master first prize at a sheepherding contest -- to which the closed-off farmer could only muster a condescending "That'll do, pig. That'll do." A lovely sentiment. Now, how about a binding contract not to eat the pig?

4. Chance, Sassy and Shadow in 'Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey' (1993)

Disney

Accomplishment: Going home

"Go home, boy! Go home!" Many dogs and cats, when given this simple instruction, will run into the woods to chase squirrels or eat rancid garbage. But these family pets, incorrectly assuming they've been abandoned when left with their family's friends for the weekend, take the most unnecessary adventure of a lifetime. After fighting a mountain lion and a porcupine and escaping from an animal shelter that was trying to help them, these confused friends eventually make it home... where they would have gotten anyway if they'd just chilled and waited for someone to come get them.

3. Buddy in 'Air Bud' (1997)

Disney

Accomplishment: Dribbling... with a ball

They say that every dog has his day. Like most sayings, this one is a lie: Dogs are notorious layabouts who accomplish little in life. But "Air Bud" tells the story of a canine who actually earns his keep for a change, inspiring his shy teen owner to man up by making basket after basket with the ol' "hit the ball in with your face" shot. Quick aside: "Air Bud"? How is it that this movie wasn't called "Charles Bark-ley"?

2. The Penguins in 'March of the Penguins' (2005)

Warner Bros.

Accomplishment: Marching in tuxedos

Remember that camp game where you have to race while holding an egg in a spoon and, if you drop the egg, you automatically lose? It turns out that this game was stolen from one that emperor penguins play every day in Antarctica. What makes their version so much more impressive is that they do it in -80ºF degree weather, for 60 miles, in tuxedos. The documentary never explains why they play this game as opposed to, say, sledding. But the reason's not important -- their commitment to extreme sports is the real story here.

1. Charlotte the Spider in 'Charlotte's Web' (2006)

Warner Bros.

Accomplishment: Writing the first web blog

Talk about spinning propaganda! When Wilbur the pig is about to be killed for Christmas dinner on the Arable farm, a Machiavellian spider named Charlotte buries the lede with a new story. Writing words like "some pig" and "radiant" above Wilbur in her web, this Madison Avenue-bound arachnid hatches her plan to make Wilbur so famous that the farmer can't kill him. And it works. Charlotte puts the PR in pork, and a tear in all our eyes.

DreamWorks

Note to incoming college freshmen: Orientations and handbooks are only going to get you so far in life. You're going to need a rigorous arsenal of film knowledge to get you through these next four years, and we're here to help.

Consider the following nine films an essential primer on preparing for all aspects of college life. Within these hallowed films you'll find info on fraternities, dating, roommates, sports, road trips, law school and becoming a billionaire before graduation. And while we can't guarantee this list will help you graduate and find a job, it'll definitely make the attempt more fun.

Artisan

9. 'National Lampoon's Van Wilder'

After lying dormant for years, the "National Lampoon" franchise was resurrected in 2002 with Ryan Reynolds playing the titular character, a seventh-year senior whose sole mission is to get as many girls in bed as possible. When the trust fund runs out, Wilder takes a gig planning college parties before running into school reporter Tara Reid. Use Van Wilder's business skills as a guide to start your own lucrative campus business. And once you've read Machiavelli, feel free to apply his life lessons to step on anyone who tries to crush your dream.

TriStar

8. 'Rudy'

In the ultimate underdog sports film, Sean Astin plays Daniel "Rudy" Ruettiger, a Notre Dame student who's "5 feet nothin', 100 and nothin', [with] hardly a speck of athletic ability." Still, the aspiring athlete is determined to fulfill his lifelong dream of playing for Notre Dame football. One of the few movies that can reduce grown men to gushing babies, you'll want to see this for inspiration and tips on achieving your goals, whether it's making the actual football team or just asking that T.A. out for dinner.

Screen Gems

7. 'The Roommate'

So maybe it's a blatant rip-off of Barbet Schroeder's "Single White Female," but "The Roommate" still serves as the best cautionary tale for dealing with your psychotic new college friend. When mentally disturbed freshman Leighton Meester shacks up with Average Jane Minka Kelly, things go south quickly, with Meester turning into a walking after-school special. Easy solution: Only apply to schools your friends are applying to, thus ensuring that the only psychosis will be the result of daily phone calls from Mom.

20th Century Fox

6. 'Revenge of the Nerds'

With the rise of the Internet and social media, it's clear that the nerds have won. But sadly, there was a time -- let's call it the 1980s -- when the jocks still ran the school and the nerds were forced to live in the gymnasium after their house was burned down. The short-shorts and dated music will always anchor this film to a particular decade, but for every spazz, dork or geek that "has ever felt stepped on, left out, picked on [or] put down," this is the film for you.

Embassy Pictures

5. 'The Sure Thing'

No list of college films is complete without at least one John Cusack movie. Rob Reiner's 1985 comedy about two students who travel to California to meet their respective partners offers numerous disparate lessons. Most importantly, if your life is anything like a movie, you'll end up falling in love with the person you most despise. But equally significant is the necessity of at least one long, primarily useless, life-affirming road trip at some point in your college career.

MGM

4. 'Legally Blonde'

You may be asking yourself, "What does the story of a seemingly brain-dead student who enrolls at Harvard just to win her boyfriend back have to do with me?" But as Elle Woods, Reese Witherspoon actually does study for the LSATs and overcomes mocking and ridicule to succeed. Let's call this the female counterpart to "Rudy," with Witherspoon able to overcome perceived deficiencies through creativity and hard work. The more you know.

Columbia PIctures

3. 'The Social Network'

You're not actually at college to "learn" or "grow," right? Those are all just meaningless buzzwords to justify an inflated tuition rate. David Fincher's Academy Award-nominated film teaches us that while college may be the incubator for great ideas, it's the general atmosphere, rather than the classrooms, that breed billion-dollar ideas like the invention of Facebook. Helpful side note: Already be a genius before entering college.

Universal

2. 'National Lampoon's Animal House'

Preceding "Porky's," "PCU" or "Meatballs," John Landis' 1978 classic remains one of the most imitated and admired comedies of all time. Don't think about the nonexistent plot and just enjoy life with the Deltas, the most obnoxious frat in film history. Watching John Belushi, Tim Matheson and others mock all that is virtuous and true will both give you inspiration to destroy your own school and humble you that you will never even come close to being as cool as them.

DreamWorks

1. 'Old School'

Why is Todd Phillips' 2003 film about three men in their 30s who try to relive their college days our top choice? Because one day, regardless of your sex, you'll be those people: washed up, nostalgic and willing to sacrifice your firstborn to Satan to relive the best, most carefree, days of your life. The sooner you see what your life will become, the more you'll appreciate it when it's time to experience it the first time around. You're welcome.

Sony

Take a closer look at the most diabolical villains ever captured on film and you may notice some fur poking out of the corner of the screen. Supervillains need love, too, and though they have little use for human beings -- aside from as expendable henchmen -- they save their cuddly, maternal side for their devoted pets. And through this special kind of unconditional love, the supervillains reveal their vulnerability and, ironically, their own humanity in the process.

Among these vile critters is Gargamel’s cat Azrael, who will soon get the CGI treatment in "The Smurfs" reboot, opening July 29. We present our list of Azrael and other beloved beasts, arranged from the most innocent companion to the most menacing accomplice.

9. Verdell, 'As Good as It Gets' (1997)

TriStar

It takes one helluva dog to upstage Jack Nicholson, but Verdell’s little face could warm the coldest, blackest heart. As writer Melvin Udall, Nicholson is a bigot with OCD who goes from throwing his neighbor’s dog down the trash chute to embracing all forms of life. Udall’s first act of kindness -- taking care of Verdell while his owner Simon (Greg Kinnear) recuperates -- inspires many more, and his transformation includes spoiling the pup with bacon and piano serenades. Purists might argue that Udall doesn’t technically own this pet, but if you recall the film’s ending, Udall ends up welcoming both Verdell and Simon into his home.

8. Precious, 'Silence of the Lambs' (1991)

Orion

Jame Gumb, aka Buffalo Bill, dotes on his white toy poodle Precious with baby talk while torturing and killing overweight women in "Silence of the Lambs." But ultimately, the pooch proves to be part of this serial killer’s undoing. When Clarice Starling makes her way down to Bill’s basement, it's Catherine Martin’s pleas -- and the dog's barking -- that guide her to their rescue. Catherine is last seen clutching Precious. Hopefully she took the dog in and they grooved to Tom Petty while recovering together.

Similar Honorable Mention: Ivan Vanko, Whiplash’s cockatoo in "Iron Man 2."

7. Mr. Bigglesworth, 'Austin Powers' films (1997-2002)

New Line

Arguably, the most iconic movie-villain pet was Blofeld’s cat from the James Bond films, but it’s far more fun to discuss the hilarious parody of that relationship instead. International terrorist Dr. Evil’s kitty Mr. Bigglesworth starts out as a posh white Persian fluffball, but after "complications from the unfreezing process," he transforms into a Sphynx sight gag. Mike Myers likened embracing the hairless pussycat to "holding a warm ass," but his alter ego Dr. Evil loves the kitty like one million dollars. As Dr. Evil declares, "When Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, people die!"

Similar Honorable Mentions: Doctor Claw’s tabby M.A.D. Cat in "Inspector Gadget," Mr. Zorg’s elephant-dog critter Picasso in "The Fifth Element." Also worth mentioning: The Grand High Witch’s black cat Liebchen in "The Witches" and King Haggard’s three-legged pirate cat in "The Last Unicorn."

6. Diablo, 'Sleeping Beauty' (1959)

Disney

Maleficent is not your typical bumbling Disney villain. The Mistress of All Evil is dark and sinister, so her companion has to have a similarly superior disposition. Perched on her shoulder is Diablo, a clever raven with serious tracking skills who locates the Princess Aurora after Maleficent’s goblin minions fail her. It isn't until Maleficent sees her beloved bird turned into stone that she begins to lose control and conjures "all the powers of hell" to become the fiercest dragon in Disney history.

Similar Honorable Mentions: Disney villains have more pets than henchmen: Jafar’s parrot Iago in "Aladdin"; Scar’s hyenas Shenzi, Banzai and Ed in "The Lion King"; Prince John’s hypnotizing snake Sir Hiss in "Robin Hood"; Hades’s imps Pain and Panic in "Hercules"; Professor Radigan’s pet bat Fidget in "The Great Mouse Detective"; and McLeach’s lizard Joanna and Madame Medusa's alligators Brutus and Nero in "The Rescuers."

5. Max, 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' (1966)

TBS

Poor Max. Dr. Seuss’s evil Grinch spends his entire miserable, isolated existence with only his dog to complain to and order around. The abused Max can only shrug and grin at the audience as the Grinch enslaves him as a mannequin, sewing machine, mirror holder, and makeshift reindeer to help him steal Christmas from the innocent townspeople of Whoville. Yet when Max is truly in danger of being dragged off a cliff by the sleigh of stolen presents, the Grinch gains the strength of 12 Grinches and saves his best friend. The Grinch’s heart grows three sizes. Max gets a huge slab of roast beef. The Whos get Christmas. Everybody wins.

4. Azreal, 'The Smurfs' (1981, 2011)

Hanna Barbera

Next to the Grinch and Max, Gargamel and Azrael are the most inseparable on this list; and they’re equally inept on their endless quest to hunt those pesky Smurfs. Despite their close bond, Gargamel is abusive towards his mangy tabby cat, berating him, holding him by the tuft of his neck, burning his tail in a lab explosion, and throwing the kitty out the front door like Uncle Phil giving DJ Jazzy Jeff the heave-ho on "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air." Azrael is extremely vocal, and when things get rough he often clings to his master’s bald head. Azrael does have one special skill, though: He can sniff out a Smurf like a bloodhound.

3. Flotsam and Jetsam, 'The Little Mermaid' (1989)

Disney

Ursula's Flotsam and Jetsam are the only animals on this list that speak English. These slippery moray eels are persuasive at talking Ariel the mermaid into seeking aid from a certain sea witch. They succeed at every task, especially surveillance, displaying a frightening intelligence. Perhaps that’s owing to the love they get from Ursula, who was originally based on the drag queen Divine. Much like Maleficent, when her "Poopsies" get killed Ursula is enraged enough to transform into a huge monster.

2. The Crocodiles, 'Lake Placid' (1999)

Fox

There’s a chance that listening to Betty White’s foul-mouthed dialogue in "Lake Placid" provides more of a thrill than her 30-foot, killer pet crocodiles do in this schlocky monster movie. As cantankerousDelores Bickerman, White utters phrases like "Thank you, Officer F**k-meat!" and "If I had a dick, this is where I’d tell you to suck it!" For six years, she’s kept her crocs happy and full by feeding them cattle. So what if they killed three people (including her husband) and a grizzly bear? Mrs. Bickerman doesn’t give a crap. And as the credits roll, revealing her feeding several baby crocodiles, you know the old lady got the last laugh.

1. Salacious B. Crumb and the Rancor, 'Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi' (1983)

Paramount

Darth Vader would look strange holding a kitten. So when George Lucas was populating his "Star Wars" universe, he made sure that Jabba the Hutt got two devoted pets, one funny and one terrifying. Kawakian monkey-lizard and court jester Salacious B. Crumb, best known for his shrill cackle, must make Jabba laugh once per day, or be devoured. At least Crumb gets to torture C-3P0 before dying in the barge explosion over the Great Pit of Carkoon.

Jabba’s Rancor experiences a much more excruciating demise. Jabba keeps his massive monster beneath a trapdoor in his chamber, so he can ogle his treasure eating unwanted visitors and insolent personnel. When Luke Skywalker crushes the Rancor’s skull, it is his caretaker Malakili who mourns the poor beast, not Jabba. As if you needed one more reason to think Jabba evil.

New Line

As of yesterday, gay couples were finally given the right to be legally married  in the state of New York. To honor such a historic civil rights moment, we've decided to pay tribute in the only way we know how: with a Top 9 list of uni-gendered duos throughout history who obviously wanted to tie the knot, but couldn't.

Whether they were holding an intense gaze a smidgen too long or oiling themselves up to play an unnecessarily sexualized game of volleyball, their true feelings could not be totally hidden. And today we're encouraging these hesitant trailblazers to wear their love proudly.

9. Wayne and Garth, 'Wayne's World' (1992)

Paramount

Overcompensation has long been the bastion of the frightened, closeted gay males of our repressive society. And no film in modern times has tackled the issue with as much realism and empathy as this Lorne Michaels melodrama. Hiding in their basement behind what are clearly wigs (they're fooling no one, poor souls), these faux headbangers feel the need to broadcast to the world -- via a public access TV show -- their "boner alerts" and "schwings" for the unlikely likes of Claudia Schiffer and Kim Basinger. Let's hope that, 20 years later, Wayne can finally "party on"... Garth.

8. Lumiere and Cogsworth, 'Beauty and the Beast' (1991)

Disney

When Beast starts courting Belle, he's a little out of practice, and his place is a mess. Fortunately for him, his closet's full of anthropomorphized old queens, ready to burst forth with songs and dating tips. Sure, one's a clock and one's a flaming candelabrum, but this is Disney: a company known for its liberal hiring policies. Together, Lumiere and Cogsworth give Beast's smelly old castle a renovation makeover that would make even the queerest eyes at Bravo tear up with pride.

7. Harry and Ron, the 'Harry Potter' Films (2001-2011)

Warner Bros.

We're not buying it, guys. You're 18 by the end of these films, living at a co-ed high school, and you can count the number of girls you've kissed on one hand? With nothing but brandished wands, cloaks of invisibility and no parents to speak of, Hogwarts should look a lot more like the sex-fueled world of "Twilight" and a lot less like the the sex-starved Harlem of "Sesame Street." The answer? Hermione plays a convincing wizard's beard, but Harry and Ron have all they need in the boys quarters at "lights out."

6. Thelma and Louise, 'Thelma and Louise' (1991)

MGM

If this chick flick's about one thing... well, it's about Brad Pitt taking his shirt off. But if it's about TWO or more things, they would be that men are no good troglodytes, and that all a modern lady needs is her best gal pal by her side and a handgun on her hip. And when these BFFs take each others' hands and flee a man's world in the final scene, let's just say that the physical metaphor into which they escape is not the Washington Monument.

5. Joe and Jerry, 'Some Like It Hot' (1959)

Getty Images

Poor Joe and Jerry. Back in the repressive '50s, men were expected to be straight-laced, buttoned-down and lady-loving. Coming out was just not an option. Interestingly enough, cross-dressing was just fine. So in Billy Wilder's classic tragedy of misplaced love and compromised emotions, Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis do their darndest to convince us that they're falling all over themselves to nab Marilyn Monroe. Mm-hmm, right. Could this displacement of implausible affection be any clearer, Dr. Freud?

4. Magneto and Xavier, 'X-Men: First Class' (2011)

20th Century Fox

Let us set the scene for you. It's the early '60s. Over cups of tea, an attractive British couple discusses philosophies on life and child rearing. One's cool-headed, one's dealing with anger issues. Together, they plan on leaping into the tumultuous world of child adoption. But there's a twist! They're both men! Xavier and Magneto, as they're known at the clubs. Oh, and they're mutants. As the stress of holding together a family of freak-show teens wears on the pair, domestic violence erupts and the couple splits. In a final scene, full of portent, Magneto straps a big metal condom onto his head and heads out for a life in the singles scene.

3. C-3PO and R2-D2, 'Star Wars' Trilogy (1977-1983)

WireImage

One's tall, one's short. One's fussy and one's laid-back. He's an old queen while the other's totally butch. But, disparate as they may seem, these hipster life partners go together like pees in a space pod. They might bicker like an old married couple in public from time to time but, behind closed, futuristically sliding doors, these protocol and astromech droids speak the binary code... of love.

2. Frodo and Sam, 'Lord of the Rings' Trilogy (2001-2003)

New Line

While Sam might play it straight in the Shire, he's the first out the door when his best buddy, Frodo, invites him on an all-male walking tour of Europe -- a "fellowship," if you will. But don't you dare call them fairies. They're hobbits. Gay hobbits. Sadly, same-sex marriage was not an option back in the make-believe, magical dark ages. So these brave hobbosexuals stage an epic protest by throwing a wedding band into a volcano. They'll be invisible citizens no more.

1. Maverick and Iceman, 'Top Gun' (1986)

Paramount

Like many blissful couples, these two ruffled each others' feathers upon first meeting. Whether going full throttle in their cockpits or volleyballing in the sandpit, the boys were always trying to one-up each other. But it took the death of Maverick's "copilot," "Goose" (yes,"Goose") in a tragic tailspinning incident to allow Maverick and Iceman to see what was right in front of them all along: each other. Now, the only thing they fight about is who's going to be top gun, and who's going to be... bottom gun.

Warner Bros.

The "Harry Potter" series starts out much the same as other children's stories do: A youngster finds out he has magic powers and gets whisked away to a land of whimsy and wonder.

And then, some of his friends get brutally murdered. Wait, what?

Truth be told, J.K. Rowling has not shied away from the dark side of battling ultimate evil in her "Potter" books, and seeing some of the saga's darker moments rendered on the big screen has seared them into the psyches of both children and adults the world over.

As we await "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2," come, join us for a walk on the wicked side while we count down the most disturbing moments in the adventures of The Boy Who Lived.

9. Hedwig Dies ('Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1')

By this point in the story, Potter fans are no strangers to the deaths of beloved characters, having already seen Cedric Diggory and Sirius Black offed. Still, something hits particularly hard about the loss of Hedwig, Harry's owl. Occurring in the midst of a bravura chase sequence, the murder of the boy wizard's avian accomplice -- who's been with Harry since the beginning -- is done in a flash, but is no less heartbreaking for it, as we watch Hedwig's limp, white form fall from the sky and out of Harry's life. Sniffle.

8. Tom Riddle's Diary Bleeds Ink ('Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets')

Warner Bros.

After the straightforward adventure of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone," the sequel's twisted tale indicated that this franchise wasn't your usual kiddie fluff. Featuring a truly malevolent villain in the form of the Voldemort remnant that was Tom Riddle, the story deals with possession, petrification, and giant, mutant monsters -- all centered around a cursed diary. When Harry finally disposes of the offending tome by stabbing it with a basilisk fang, the pages begin to bleed a great gusher of ink, which is a rather disturbing way of indicating its demise. What, were inky entrails a bridge too far?

7. Bathilda Bagshot IS A SNAKE ('Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1')

Warner Bros.

From the moment Harry, Ron and Hermione arrive in Godric's Hollow, something seems off, and the vibe increases tenfold once they encounter historian Bathilda Bagshot, who is supposed to have a line on the Sword of Gryffindor. Instead, she turns out to be a snake. Wearing human skin. Gross. This is serial killer-level stuff being perpetrated by Voldemort's pet snake, Nagini, and it leads to a gruesome moment in which the serpentine assassin springs forth from Bagshot's obviously not well-maintained frame. This far along in the saga, we know to expect some harrowing stuff, but still... this is the stuff of nightmares.

Watch the scene

6. Dementors Raid the Hogwarts Express ('Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban')

The third flick in the franchise introduced us to one of Rowling's most frightening creations: Dementors. Hooded and spectral, these appalling apparitions ostensibly serve the good guys as guardians of Azkaban, but are prone to suck out your soul on a whim if the mood strikes. Their first appearance on screen, shepherded by the striking cinematic style of director Alfonso Cuarón, is well worthy of their bogeyman status, featuring sudden frost, foggy breath, skeletal hands and the near-de-soulification of Harry. That the Dementor in question is supposedly serving the law by searching for an escaped fugitive does nothing to diminish the creepiness of the entire endeavor.

5. Dolores Umbridge Makes Harry Write "I Must Not Tell Lies" ('Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix')

Oh, Dolores Umbridge, you foul and contemptible creature. The embodiment of pretty much every awful academic disciplinarian you've ever had, this pink-clad Ministry of Magic schoolmistress is unlikable right off the bat. Her true sadism, however, doesn't come to the fore until she gives Harry detention, in which she force him to write "I Must Not Tell Lies" repeatedly with a magical pen that carves those same words into the flesh of his hand. It's a torturous form of punishment that takes a practice every school kid dreads (having to write some inanely moral line over and over again) and makes it seem like a holiday by comparison.

4. Fake Mad-Eye Moody Uses the Imperius Curse ('Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire')

Talk about a tonal shift. Defense Against the Dark Arts professor "Mad-Eye" Moody (who we later learn is Barty Crouch Jr. in disguise) introduces the Imperius curse (one of the unforgivable curses in Potter lore) to his class by enlarging a spider and forcing it to fling itself about the room, landing on students and generally making everybody laugh and have a good time... until suddenly, Moody kills the mood by going from "Crawl on Malfoy's face" to "Drown yourself." The sudden switch drives home just how serious this whole magic business truly is, and the professor's maniacal glee at the whole affair is tormenting. Even worse are the implications of just what the unforgivable curses can do in the wrong hands -- something we see demonstrated later in the film and series.

3. Death Eater Terrorism at the Quidditch World Cup ('Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire')

Harry Potter Wiki/Warner Bros.

We'd seen some Quidditch by the time we arrived at the fourth Harry Potter film, but nothing as spectacular as that portrayed in "Goblet of Fire" Quidditch World Cup scenes, which is what makes the Death Eater attack on the spectator campsite that follows them all the more
shocking. With tents burning, Death Eaters materializing everywhere and chaos reigning as a skull-shaped cloud hangs over the entire proceeding, it's a jarring scene made all the worse by how closely the filmmakers hew the reactions of the fans to what it's like in a real terrorist attack. That kind of harsh reality intruding on a world of magic makes for an unsettling viewing experience.

2. The Aftermath of Cedric Diggory's Death ('Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire')

Warner Bros.

Seeing Cedric Diggory cold-bloodedly murdered by Peter Pettigrew was shocking, to be sure, and Voldemort's first full appearance minutes later was scary; but for sheer, gut-wrenching emotional pain, nothing approaches the experience of watching a dead boy's father convulse in agony over the corpse of his son. Jeff Rawle, who plays Amos Diggory, sells the ever-living hell out of this scene, wailing, "My son! My boy!" over and over again before disintegrating into just outright screaming, just how a real parent would in similar circumstances. For the first time in the movie, the stakes seemed very real, and in a genre that so often treats death as something without serious repercussions, seeing it rendered in such stark emotional terms is definitely a jolt to the system.

Watch the scene

1. The Cave ('Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince')

Warner Bros.

If there's one scene that encapsulates all the darkness inherent in the Harry Potter series, it's this one. Coming at perhaps our hero's lowest and most desperate time -- a time when even the implacable Dumbledore seems shaken -- the search for the first of Voldemort's horcruxes leads Harry and the headmaster to an isolated seaside cavern, where we first get to watch the world's most powerful wizard reduced to a whining, infantile weakling as he drinks the potion that hides the item in question. It's heartbreaking to see... but we don't have time to get over it, because it's immediately followed by the terror of watching a horde of undead Infieri attack in what amounts to a zombie apocalypse nightmare. It's a one-two punch that leaves the viewer breathless and well-primed for the harrowing final battles to come.

Watch the scene

Want more Potter? Vote for your favorite character in the Potter World Cup on MTV Movies Blog.

Sony

Few models-turned-actresses are worth their weight in gold... and not simply because you wouldn't receive that much gold in the first place. They may be pretty to look at, but oftentimes they don't hold a candle to a professional actress.

Cameron Diaz is a rare exception, transcending her conventional good looks to star in movies that span the spectrum of genres. Goofy comedies, hard dramas, animated fairy tales and the bizarre arthouse fare -- there are few projects Diaz can't pull off.

Her latest is the raunchy comedy "Bad Teacher," which once again shows off the actress' innate talents for making us laugh. In honor of her diverse career, here are nine moments that continue to stand out.

9. 'The Mask' (1994)

New Line

Diaz was only 21 when she nabbed the role of Tina in the "The Mask" -- easily one of Jim Carrey's most manic performances to date (he was playing a live-action cartoon, to be fair).

So how does a newbie actress stand out against a man who can stretch, bend and twirl any which way at the speed of light? Simple: Let him take her for the ride. Or in the case of this one scene, the dance.

8. 'Knight and Day' (2010)

Black out once, shame on you. Black out twice, shame on the spy who continually knocks you out because he thinks you'll be safer that way.

In "Knight and Day," Diaz's June wakes up from her drugged-out state for a third time to find herself bikini-clad on a tropical beach. This would be great...if it didn't involve hiding out from assailants while running around with manic agent Tom Cruise. Easy to see why the fists start flying.

7. 'The Sweetest Thing' (2002)

Diaz teamed up with two other funny ladies, Christina Applegate and Selma Blair, for the raunchy, often fantastical, rom-com "The Sweetest Thing" and there are moments in the movie that would make even Judd Apatow go wide-eyed. In one sequence, Diaz, Applegate and Blair take the "When Harry Met Sally" diner scene to a new level, with a song-and-dance number inspired by their fake reactions during sex. Weird, shocking and hilarious.

6. 'Being John Malkovich' (1999)

Universal

Cameron Diaz in "Being John Malkovich" may be the most un-Cameron Diaz she'll ever be: frizzy hair, frumpy clothing and a demeanor to boot. By de-glamorizing herself, Diaz makes her first transformation into the actor John Malkovich one to remember. Stepping through a small doorway in a half-sized office, Diaz's character Lotte inhabits the thespian's body, allowing her to live out transgender dreams.

The scene is one of Diaz's best, because you completely forget that you're watching Cameron Diaz.

5. 'Bad Teacher' (2011)

You know what they say: If you've got it, flaunt it -- and that's exactly what Diaz does in "Bad Teacher."

Maybe the scene doesn't take the finest acting skills, but if you want to prove you're the hottest teacher in the world, then scrubbing down cars in a bathing suit doesn't hurt. Needless to say, she proves it. Big time.

4. 'My Best Friend's Wedding' (1997)

Feeling sympathetic for a gorgeous blonde who's desperately in love with the man of her dreams may not sound easy, but when Julia Roberts spends most of a movie backstabbing said blonde in order to steal her husband, it's perfectly reasonable.

Cameron Diaz projects all our agitation towards America's sweetheart when she lashes out at Roberts' character in "My Best Friend's Wedding." Fulfilling, until Diaz decides to be the better woman and hug it out. Until next time, Julia Roberts...

3. 'Charlie's Angels' (2000)

Natalie's one dream is to show off her moves on "Soul Train," the classic R&B dance show. When she finally gets the chance, she gives it all she's got. All she's got, unfortunately, is the corniest dance of all time.

In-between the action scenes of McG's fem-powered blockbuster, Diaz's tall, blonde Angel gets down with her bad self. The scene helps make sense of why she would fall for Luke Wilson. They're both awkward as hell.

2. 'Shrek' (2001)

Dreamworks

Diaz gets the animated treatment courtesy of "Shrek" -- but Fiona isn't your run-of-the-mill cartoon princess. She frolics around the forest singing to birds, but one cacophonous, off-key note blows her avian friend into a cloud of feathers.

Fitting that Fiona is a twisted version of a fairy tale damsel, while her live-action counterpart defies stereotype time and time again.

1. 'There's Something About Mary' (1998)

Proof that Diaz is bolder than 99 percent of the actresses working today, her infamous scene from "There's Something About Mary" is one that will stand out in movie history as one of the sickest, funniest things ever committed to film. She doesn't even have to do too much -- after grabbing some... residual... off of Ben Stiller's ear and swiping back her hair, Diaz simply dives into conversation. She doesn't know the awful truth. We do. It's glorious.

Smokewood Entertainment

Book adaptations -- when they're done right -- are movie magic. You need only look to "Harry Potter" and "Twilight" for proof that smart producers make films with a built-in fan base, and many (if not most) of our favorite kids' movies got their start on the bookshelf.

We're probably not the target audience for "Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer," starring Heather Graham and a sweet li'l moppet named Jordana Beatty. The book was released in 2000, when most of us here were a touch too old to be reading about third grade troublemakers.

But all good kids' books satisfy someone's sense of nostalgia -- your "Judy Moody" might be our "Willy Wonka." And no matter how many classics get the big screen treatment, some will always fall through the cracks. So here are nine books we can't believe we've never seen onscreen.

Yearling

'A Wrinkle in Time' and Its Sequels
This book has sold more than 10 million copies, and all it got was a lousy TV movie. ("Did it meet your expectations?" Newsweek asked author Madeleine L'Engle in 2004. "Oh, yes," she responded. "I expected it to be bad, and it is.")

Decades before Harry cast his first alohomora, teenager Charles Wallace traveled through time with the help of a Yoda-like unicorn in the series finale, "A Swiftly Tilting Planet."

If the "Percy Jackson" sequel falls through, we have another role in mind for Logan Lerman.

HarperCollins

Any Poem in 'Where the Sidewalk Ends'

If Spike Jonze could coax a full-length motion picture from 338 words of "Where the Wild Things Are," we're sure any number of Shel Silverstein's much-loved, longer poems could provide adequate fodder.

We suggest "Sarah Cynthia Silvia Stout Would Not Take The Garbage Out," a charming cautionary tale of housekeeping negligence.

We'd also watch "Sick," following little Peggy Ann McKay's wild attempts to ditch school.

Consider it a sort of "Ferris Bueller" for the tween set.

Scholastic

'Gregor the Overlander'
You've probably noticed the frenzy over Suzanne Collins' best-seller "The Hunger Games" and its upcoming adaptation -- as a veteran TV writer, Collins writes action scenes that jump off the page, making her characters prime candidates for big screen success. Her series for younger readers, "The Underland Chronicles," is the story of a New York City boy, Gregor, who travels to an underground city populated by rats, bats and exceedingly pale humans. It's written for the middle school set, but with themes of war, genocide and betrayal, it's another perfect choice for a movie that adults (and adult-like people) could enjoy.

BN

'The Little Prince'
We're cheating a little here – technically, Antoine de Saint-Exupery's winsome star-traveler had his own live-action flick in 1974. But the thing is… it's really creepy. It features Gene Wilder, the star of our number one favorite kids' book adaptation of all time, but he's not enough to keep us from cringing through a short clip on Youtube.

"Le Petit Prince" has sold over 80 million copies in eleventy-jazillion languages; it's long overdue for a new movie.

With CGI technology, you wouldn't even need a weird, middle-aged dude to play the fox.

Puffin

'Corduroy'

Don't say they're just cartoons. The tears we've shed for "Toy Story' (and "Up.' And "Despicable Me.' Etc. Etc. Etc.) were as real as any we cried for "Titanic."

"Corduroy" is another kids' book that got the TV movie treatment, back in 1984, but the potential for greatness is too much for television.

Combine heartwarming animation and the story of a lonely, little teddy bear searching for a home, and "Corduroy" is a no-brainer for Best Animated Feature of… whatever year gets around to making it.

Delacorte

'The Giver'
IMDB suggests an adaptation is in development – first with "Deathly Hallows" director David Yates attached and now, theoretically, "House of Sand and Fog" director Vadim Perelman – but we'll believe it when we see it. Plans to bring this sci-fi fable to the screen have floated through the rumor mill since 1994.

"The Giver" centers around a teenager in a dystopian society given the gift/burden of understanding the sacrifices his ancestors made to eliminate war and suffering.

Think "City of Ember" – admittedly, not the greatest movie – but edgier.

Philomel

'The Very Hungry Caterpillar'

Wikipedia claims that someone buys a copy of "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" every 30 seconds.

We believe it.

We've never met someone who doesn't have warm memories of the lovable insect and his voracious appetite.

And lest you think a picture book about counting to five couldn't make an awesome animated feature, let us remind you that "Shrek" started as reading material for kindergartners.

Sandpiper

'The Witch of Blackbird Pond'

This historical novel by Elizabeth George Speare won a Newbery award way back in 1959, but more importantly, it's got New England Puritans, angry mobs, witch hunts, romance.

Most importantly, it's got the possibility of cool, 17^th century costumes.

Kristen Stewart will need a new project when "Breaking Dawn" and "Snow White" wrap, right?

She'd look good in 1687 as hunted teenager Katherine Tyler.

Kane/Miller

'Everybody Poops'

An animated documentary narrated by Russell Brand.

Enough said.

Getty Images

It can take several decades for the Oscars to recognize actors for their career accomplishments. But not the MTV Movie Awards.

At this weekend's Movie Awards, Reese Witherspoon will receive the coveted Generation Award for her 20-year career delighting moviegoers.

The MTV Generation Award is given to actors and actresses whose entire body of work has entertained, challenged and impressed audiences. Witherspoon joins the ranks of such previous winners as Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler and Sandra Bullock; at 35, she'll be the youngest star yet to receive the award.

In honor of this achievement, we've compiled Reese's nine greatest roles, from circus performer to overachieving high schooler to country music star.

9. 'Sweet Home Alabama' (2002)

Touchstone

As Melanie Smooter, the big-city fashion designer who can't quite shake her small-town Southern roots, Reese Witherspoon charms her way into the hearts of viewers and two eligible onscreen suitors played by Josh Lucas and Patrick Dempsey. Whether she's drinking it up at the local bar, butting heads with her childhood sweetheart or punching out her would-be mother-in-law (Candice Bergen), she does so with girlish charm and an Alabama twang to back it up.

8. 'Water for Elephants' (2011)

20th Century Fox

Witherspoon shares the scren with Robert Pattinson in this year's adaptation of Sara Gruen's novel; but that isn't the reason this is one of her best roles (although it helps!). As star circus performer Marlena, Witherspoon possesses an otherworldly grace. And she jumps from moving trains! And performs beautiful, death-defying stunts with a stunning elephant named Rosie! And did we mention that she shares love scenes with a "Twilight" star? Right.

7. 'The Man in the Moon' (1991)

MGM

Long before sharing the screen with "Twilight" heartthrobs, a 15-year-old Witherspoon starred as a 1950s teen whose heart is broken one Louisiana summer. Her character Dani is a headstrong tomboy whose first real crush is complicated by her sister's feelings for the same neighbor. The future Oscar winner's honest portrayal of the stubborn tween was a precursor to other likable but independent-minded characters to come in "Sweet Home Alabama," "Legally Blonde" and "Walk the Line."

6. 'American Psycho' (2000)

Universal

Oh, Evelyn Williams; shallow, unsuspecting yuppie girlfriend to Christian Bale's Patrick Bateman -- how we do love you. Before embarking on a murderous Manhattan rampage,Bateman may have broken her heart by declaring, "You're not terribly important to me," but to us and to Witherspoon's career, the role of Evelyn Williams was quite the opposite.

5. 'Pleasantville' (1998)

New Line

For proof that Witherspoon's range extends into superficial (and scandalous) territory, look no further than "Pleasantville." As Mary Sue (née Jennifer), a modern-day teenager who inconveniently finds herself trapped inside a '50s sitcom, the actress torments innocent schoolboys with sex, harasses her geeky brother and discusses masturbation with her housewife mother. Oh, and she also lays this harsh wisdom on her 1950s counterparts: "Nobody's happy in a poodle skirt and a sweater set." She does have a point.

4. 'Cruel Intentions' (1999)

Columbia Pictures

It was as Ryan Phillippe's virginal "Cruel Intentions" conquest that most MTV audiences first saw Witherspoon. The beautiful Annette Hargrove proved that true high school love can conquer all, including womanizing peers, spiteful step siblings and vintage Jaguars.

3. 'Election' (1999)

Paramount

Is there anything more delicious than watching high school overachiever Tracy Flick slowly destroy the life of Mr. McAllister (Matthew Broderick)? The short answer is no. Whether she is naively ruining the marriage of a faculty member, terrorizing her opponent's campaign posters or just setting up a folding table with scary intensity, Tracy Flick is undeniably hilarious.

2. 'Legally Blonde' (2001)

MGM

No one does beauty and brains like Elle Woods. And perhaps no movie character ever will again, at least at Harvard, with a pint-size dog named Bruiser, a manicurist best friend and crucial, case-solving knowledge of perms. All hail one of the best female role models to rise from the cinema in the past 20 years.

1. 'Walk the Line' (2005)

20th Century Fox

Even the Academy could not deny Witherspoon's brilliant portrayal of June Carter Cash. As one half of the greatest country-singing couples in history, Witherspoon sang beautifully and exhibited strength, charm and inspiration in her only biographical role on this list. Her performance in 'Walk the Line' will be difficult to top but we can't wait for the actress to keep trying.