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'Breaking Dawn' Convention Diary: On Being a Dude at the 'Twilight' Super Bowl

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1
Summit

I made it to Los Angeles late last night for the "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1" Official Fan Convention (unofficially the longest convention name ever). Unfortunately, I was too late to enjoy the karaoke party. A bunch of Twi-hards singing karaoke? Count me in. That has fun (intentional or otherwise) written all over it. I was able to get a solid night's sleep, though, and wake up refreshed and ready to register for my Cullen Crest Gold patron pass (only the best).

I'll be honest. While I'm excited to be here, initially I was a little nervous about being a 30-year-old dude amid a see of young female Twi-hards. Would they think I'm creepy? Some of them must, sure, but so far everyone has been really friendly. We're bonded by the fact we're all crazy enough to travel hundreds (or thousands) of miles and spend way too much money to be here. I don't mean crazy in a bad way. Really, this convention is our Super Bowl, and the $350 spent on a Cullen Crest Gold pass would be considered cheap for actual Super Bowl tickets.

Twilight Convention - lovemaking bed
Ryan McKee

Besides, I realized something while staring at the replica of Edward and Bella's lovemaking bed. No matter how awkward I feel about being a Twi-hard, that's nothing compared to the awkwardness tween boys have to endure because of "Twilight." Think about it. By the time they're ready to lose their virginity, the girls their age are going to expect them to perform like Edward. I mean, that's the standard that's already been set: mad vampire sex skills. They're not going to be able to compete with that. Look at that bed! I've never heard any guy bragging that the sex was so good they ripped the bed apart.

The heartthrob my generation had to live up to was Dylan McKay from "Beverly Hills, 90210." That dude was gorgeous, so that was tough, but he was also kind of a dick and he never claimed vampire-like abilities in the bedroom. Edward is not only the perfect man (besides the whole undead thing), but he's a supernatural lover.

Maybe I've gone on to long about this point. All I'm saying is, sorry, young dudes. You have a tough road ahead with women. I'll check in again later with more updates from the Twilight Convention.

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