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Twi-Bites: D.Rad on R.Pattz & Twi-Hard of the Month, Lea Michele

Taylor Lautner and Lea Michele
Getty Images

It has been over a month since my last "Twi-Bites" update, and so much has happened since it could turn a vampire lover pale: Comic-Con, "Snow White And The Huntsman" pics with K.Stew, R.Pattz's crazy haircut and the beginning of Taylor Lautner's "AB-duction" PR campaign, to name a few.

(Get it, "AB-duction"?!)

Since most of you are in Twi-abetic shock since your last fix ("Eclipse") was so long ago, I imagine you're glued to Twitter feeds looking for any "Twilight" updates, thus you already know about all of the above. The following stories, on the other hand, are August's most off-the-wall. I break them down into tasty nuggets great for sharing.

Pattz Stew Du Jour

Daniel Radcliffe and Robert Pattinson
Getty Images

Daniel Radcliffe has a life more charmed than his character Harry Potter (sans how lame quidditch is in real life, of course). However, the grass can appear greener on the other side of the fence, especially when Robert Pattinson "lives next door."

Radcliffe was carrying his fourth major feature film while R.Pattz was scrambling for a role in it as "forgettable character who dies." Then "Twilight" hit theaters, skyrocketing Pattinson past Radcliffe as England's "IT" boy. If I were Radcliffe, I'd use my millions to buy Edward Cullen memorabilia to urinate on daily. That's just me, though.

D.Rad, on the other hand (does anyone call him that, by the way? Because they should), is taking the high road and claiming he feels sorry for Mr. Twilight, whose international heartthrob status never allows him to relax.

As for R.Pattz and K.Stew, the two aren't seeing much of each other as she works on "Snow White" in London and he bros down with his boys at low profile music venues in Los Angeles. If it were anyone else, that might sound like code for a secret homosexual lifestyle. But really, he just seems to be catching up on guy time. Wait, that sounds off, too… just forget it.

Unconditionally and Irrevocably in Love

Rachelle Lefevre in Twilight
Summit

Normally I profile the romantic lives of the "Twilight" stars in this section. But since there's not any new gossip to report (come on Rathbone, isn't it about time you do something ridiculously scandalous?), I'm focusing on reports that an unnamed vampire actress loves money so much that she'll hang out with guys as her character for $50,000 a night.

The smart money is on Rachelle LeFevre, the former Victoria. She has a bone to pick with "The Twilight Saga" for replacing her after "New Moon." LeFevre still seems to be working plenty, but no way she's making "vampire money."

Otherwise it's GOTTA be Lauren Hutton from "Once Bitten."

Vamp Buzz

Vampire Academy
Penguin Group

With the final installments of "The Twilight Saga" on the horizon, it's time to think about something to fill the cold black holes in our hearts. Obviously, nothing will totally replace it, but the six-part book series "Vampire Academy" may be a sort of methadone for our addiction.

Author Richelle Mead cranks out those books quicker than Woody Allen makes movies, so you'll never be lacking content. After wrapping the series up in six books within four years, Mead already has a spin-off called "Bloodlines." Who knows how long it'll take Stephenie Meyer to write something new? She's not scrambling for the money. Plus, the film adaptation of "Vampire Academy" is currently getting developed in Hollywood. Before long, you may have new young vampires to pine over.

(You know, IF YOU'RE A TRAITOR!)

Twi-Hard of the Month

Lea Michele
Getty Images

When "Glee's" Lea Michele walked the red carpet at the "New Moon" premiere (photo right), I assumed her sexed-up look was due to her new star status. Young actresses do everything they can to turn heads.

However, in light of recent events, it seems that Michele was on the prowl that night. At a recent Hollywood Foreign Press Association Luncheon in Beverly Hills, Michele had a total Twi-Hard-on when introducing Taylor Lautner to the stage.

She made him pose with her for photos and told E! News afterward, "I was shaking. I was so nervous. I was just shaking and shaking. I told him it was going to be our wedding picture. He is going to think I'm crazy."

He is going to think you're crazy, Michele? I'd say that train's already left the station.

Confessions of a (Male) Twi-Hard is a “Twilight” humor column by Ryan McKee that publishes every other week on NextMovie. Read Ryan’s introductory post here and follow him on Twitter.

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