Ah, Thanksgiving: the time of year we pause, count our blessings and enjoy time with the family try not to murder our loved ones.
While it's true that most of us go into this holiday with only the best of intentions, it seems few of us escape the sit-down dinner with our nearest and dearest unscathed. Uncle Rick had too many cocktails. Mom forgot to turn on the oven. Someone threw the raw turkey through a picture window. Okay, maybe that's less common than we'd like to think.
However, as challenging as our own families may be ... they could be worse. Really. And in case you don't believe us, we've made a list of nine film families you really wouldn't want to spend Turkey Day with. From a disturbed child to a chainsaw-wielding killer, these folks make a meal with even your most difficult kin seem like a walk in the park.
Take a read and count your blessings that these families only exist in the movies.
1. The Khatchadourains in 'We Need to Talk About Kevin'
Kevin's mother means well, but despite her best efforts, her son seems to have a few odd ... what shall we call them ... quirks? You know, like killing people. Never mind the vicious things he says and does to his own mom on a daily basis. On the plus side, you would probably shine in comparison, even if you do sometimes give your parents a hard time.
2. Leatherface's Family in 'The Texas Chain Saw Massacre'
OK, so in the killer's defense, he is only murdering people to feed his poor family who can only afford to eat what they kill ... and we guess that's kind of sweet (in its own way). But we wouldn't want to risk what's being served for dinner — or actually being served for dinner — by sitting down with his family for a Thanksgiving feast … and something tells us neither would you.
3. The Jarretts in 'Ordinary People'
So, your brother dying would be bad enough, but then to have your mom pretty upset it was your sibling and not you that kicked the bucket would make it even worse. Though Donald Sutherland's character was a well-intentioned father, having the ice queen Mary Tyler Moore playing your mother is just about enough to have any sane person running for the door, and then some.
4. The Hills in 'Goodfellas'
We'll admit that watching this family is an awful lot of fun, but eating mashed potatoes and gravy with them might be a different story. With Daddy in and out of jail and Mommy helping to get the shipment of cocaine out in time, there's no guarantee the parents would even be seated at the table. Maybe your aunts and uncles could prepare the meal? Oh wait, they're busy blowing up cars and killing people.
5. The Burroughs in 'Running with Scissors'
So what if Dad's an alcoholic? You still want to pass him the cranberry sauce, right? Maybe. Unless your mom is convinced she's going to be a famous poet one day — and then has a dramatic nervous breakdown. I mean, even if that happens, you can always have your Thanksgiving feast in your new home ... with your psychotic shrink.
6. The Torrance Family in 'The Shining'
This crew might not get around to watching the big game on Turkey Day due to the presence of malevolent spirits, but even without these other-worldly hauntings, Daddy seems to have a bit of a drinking problem and clearly hates his wife … and their kid can't escape his paranormal sixth sense. Call us traditionalists, but we usually try to avoid having any ghosts or people who can sense ghosts at our Thanksgiving meal.
7. The Fitts Family in 'American Beauty'
So what if your dad is bitter, abusive and into Nazi crockery? Well, when your mom basically never smiles or speaks, it might not be that fun to sit down at the dinner table for a lengthy feast. And with your family's obsession with keeping a spotless (and we do mean spotless) home, we're pretty certain there's no actual eating — or fun — going on within those walls.
8. The… uh… Clan in 'Martha Marcy May Marlene'
Technically, they may not be a family in the traditional sense, being that they're a cult and all ... but we think they still count since they all live together, share clothes and help each other commit murders. Oh, and also because you sort of can never escape once you join. Though they do grow their own food in a sort of sad little garden, we think we'd rather avoid this Thanksgiving table and avoid possibly murdering an innocent homeowner after being forced to break into their house.
9. The Mulwrays in 'Chinatown'
Yes, this is (possibly, arguably) the best movie of all time, but that doesn't mean we'd want to carve the turkey with Evelyn and Hollis Mulwray, 'cause there's some seriously messed-up family dynamics going on between this father and daughter. If you haven’t seen it, now's as good a time as any to check it out ... and then give thanks for the fact that you're not part of this dysfunctional crew.