Well, this was bound to happen eventually: after decades of peace between "Star Wars" and "Doctor Who" nerds, a giant brawl erupted at a British sci-fi convention in Norfolk (yeah, never heard of it either). It isn't clear how tensions were sparked, but one can only assume it was over whose basement apartment is the coolest. Apparently there was no "assault," but you can better believe some harsh words were exchanged about who is better at "Halo."
The BBC report, which is funnier than anything on The Onion today, with the added perk of being real, said that "trouble flared" at the fourth annual Norwich Sci-Fi and Film Convention at the University of East Anglia, which is organized by the Norwich Star Wars Club. Two things are immediately striking: isn't "troubles" how British people politely describe the decades of violent tension with Northern Ireland? Okay. Just checking. Secondly: this was held at a college? As in "the place where the only thing people care about are getting laid?" Were they all beamed into an alternate dimension or something?
Supposedly (and this is really too good to be true) a verbal dispute happened while one of the attendees was trying to get a "Doctor Who" diary autographed by the guy who played Boba Fett. This doesn't even make sense. But at the same time it's pretty easy to see an enraged "Doctor Who" fan saying: "Why do you want that bloke from 'Star Wars' signing your bloody diary?" [English slang added for authenticity and a real sense of time and place]
The rest of the report is filled with lots of sadness, and sentences that include bits like "two other members of his club, one dressed as the 10th doctor and the other as Judge Dredd, had waited outside the venue." Wait — JUDGE DREDD couldn't solve the situation? That's when you know it's bad.
Jim Poole, the treasurer of Norwich Sci-Fi Club and, presumably, someone who has never seen the foreign parts of a human woman, said that the incident was "a bit sad and pathetic." Tell us something we don't know, Jim. While no punches were actually thrown, it's unknown if anyone's mint-in-box Han Solo action figure was bent or damaged.