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White House Rejects Petition to Build Death Star

Lucasfilm

President Barack Obama has plenty of accomplishments on his resume, like being the leader of the free world and all of that, but now he's pulled off his biggest feat yet: Blowing up the Death Star.

Eat your heart out, Luke Skywalker.

Yes, straight out of the Strange But True files comes this: The White House has officially rejected an online petition to build a fully operational Death Star by 2016.

Signed by over 34,000 people, the petition was submitted via the We the People website, which gives Americans a chance to present their ideas directly to the White House. And since the We the People initiative promises an official response to any petition that receives more than 25,000 signatures, White House spokesman Paul Shawcross has posted the Obama Administration's answer in a missive titled "This Isn't the Petition Response You're Looking For."

So why did President Obama shoot down the Death Star? The official response includes three main reasons:

•"The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We're working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it."
•"The Administration does not support blowing up planets."
•"Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?"

The response went on to extoll the virtues of America's current space program, noting that "even though the United States doesn't have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, we've got two spacecraft leaving the Solar System and we're building a probe that will fly to the exterior layers of the Sun."

"Remember," the White House concluded, "the Death Star's power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force."

Take that, Vader!

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