Citizens of Earth,
We've double-checked our slide rules and the calculations are true. Planet Fanboy will be going into deep orbit for the foreseeable future. It has been lovely beaming transmissions to you, but all things in our dark, cold, expanding universe must end. (Except packing peanuts.)
It has been a little over one of your Earth years since we first made contact, so we figured this is a good opportunity to look back at some of our brighter moments.
Remember the time we explained how the well-dressed and charming James Bond is actually a big fat geek? Or when we broke down what about our 16th president was actually true in "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter"? Perhaps you recall our eye-opening explanation on how the movie "Dredd" is the best 3-D movie of all time? (Yeah, we were surprised about that one, too, trust us.)
You want lists? We got 'em. We laid down the law on much needed new Harry Potter spells, the top-billed space aliens that could have been comedians, a calm, rational explanation of all the things that didn't make sense in "Prometheus" and science fiction movies you didn't realize were science fiction. There was even a list about "The Dark Knight Rises" that used the phrase "she went Hathaway!" that somehow didn't get cut by Planet Fanboy's Terran-based editors!
For "Star Wars" fans, you may recall how we were quick to explain why Disney's acquisition of Lucasfilm was a good thing. Just recently we exposed how George Lucas and Woody Allen once collaborated on a failed screenplay together. For more hard-hitting investigative journalism, perhaps you enjoyed Hoffman the Gutt's trip to the Mas Icee Cantina, Cybercafe & Laundromat to learn why Millennials don't hate "The Phantom Menace."
But the visitors to Planet Fanboy can be demanding. We're with you, which is why we were declarative in what gadgets from geek movies absolutely must get made and which actresses should star in the all-female version of "The Expendables."
You were also there with us when we declared Nicolas Cage to be the ultimate fanboy (thereby electing him to be our Nerdus Emeritus leader) - which was all well and good until he started sleeping on our couch for the entire summer.
We've also been there to help you with self-improvement, offering you wisdom on how to have a Fanboy Halloween, a Fanboy Thanksgiving and a Fanboy Valentine's Day. We thought we'd eventually get around to a Fanboy Tisha B'Av, but as the producer of "Monty Python's Life of Brian" once sang, "all things must pass."
The funny thing about Planet Fanboy is its asymmetrical orbit. In other words, you never know when or where we may appear on your radar again. So until we meet again – watch the skies!