Not every romantic movie match was made in heaven. We submit it's quite the opposite in a lot of cases.
This baker's dozen batch of film titles in particular, boasting some shamelessly twisted pairings, has definitely given our gag reflex an unhealthy workout over the years. From incest to incomprehensible deception to just plain strange, there are a lot of different variations of yuck to be experienced within this group.
Some are worse than others, sure, but none are very well-suited for the faint of heart or imagination.
13. 'What Women Want'
Ah, pre-bigotry-slinging Mel Gibson. Those were some good old days, weren't they? Except, of course, for "What Women Want." Gibson's hyper-successful ad man Nick Marshall knows his way around a bedpost, but every female in his life pretty much loathes him. Lucky for him, an accident bestows upon him the desirable ability to read women's minds. Old Nick the buffoon isn't afraid to use it, either. In fact, he tests it on every single woman he knows, up to and including Helen Hunt's savvy Darcy Maguire. Somehow, she ends up falling for the scuzz bucket, and we're supposed to overlook the first 50-something years of his behavior and the fact that he invaded her brain to get her into bed and support them running into the sunset.
12. 'Pretty Woman'
How "Pretty Woman" has become such a celebrated love story over the last twenty-some-odd years is hard to understand. Julia Roberts plays a prostitute — oh but she could've done something else with her life, yada yada yada — and somehow she snags a penthouse-dwelling stud played by Richard Gere thanks to her familiarity with driving a stick (pun intended). A stuffy concierge becomes putty in her hands, she gets to give the what-for to store clerks on Rodeo Drive, and she somehow convinces the beau to arrive in a white limousine with a rose nipped between his lips after just one week. Is this for real? Did he mandate an STD test we didn't see on screen? 'cause otherwise, this one gets dropped squarely into the "um, no" bin.
11. 'American Pie'
The raunchy comedy "American Pie" is largely responsible for the modern popularity of the colloquial term MILF (it's also the reason band camp'll never be considered nerdy, but that's beside the point). Jennifer Coolidge's character — known only as Stifler's Mom — earned and acted upon the acronym by bumpin' uglies with a randy teenager named Finch. While that might be a high school boy's deepest, darkest dream, it's actually pretty foul. This movie's got the double-whammy on grossness, too, thanks to Jason Bigg's experimental penis-in-pie incident. So bad it makes us want to pass on dessert ... almost.
10. 'The Truman Show'
Speaking of Laura Linney, the three-time Oscar nominee gets double mention on this list for her dreadful character opposite Jim Carrey in "The Truman Show." Of all the people involved in duping the poor, bubble-bound Truman Burbank, she's arguably the worst. She plays his wife for the reality TV show, with all the physical responsibilities that entails, thereby making her either a prostitute or a porn star depending on how ya look at it.
9. 'Great Balls of Fire!'
Oh, Jerry Lee Lewis. We know things were way different in the 1950s, and sure, artists tend to be a little quirky, but any guy who marries his 13-year-old cousin is just plain sick. Dennis Quaid and Winona Ryder gave a brave go at that unfortunately true piece of tainted rock and roll history, but it was no less unsettling on screen than in the newspapers.
8. 'Hyde Park on Hudson'
Another yuck-fest on the way is the newest Roger Michell flick "Hyde Park on Hudson," featuring Bill Murray and Laura Linney as President Franklin Delano Roosevelt maybe or maybe not lusting after his cousin Margaret Suckley. The real-life veracity of this entanglement is still a matter of historical debate, but that doesn't mean our eyes won't bleed from watching this incestuous on-screen pairing develop.
7. 'Three to Tango'
Matthew Perry's assy character in "Three to Tango" pretends to be gay in order to be entrusted with Dylan McDermott's schmuck character's mistress, portrayed by Neve Campbell. He then proceeds to watch her take a bath, talk boys and eat tuna melts until his big hetero secret rears its very ugly head. Even Perry's usual fumble, stumble and grumble routine couldn't save this from being disturbing.
6. 'Boxing Helena'
Um, the moral of "Boxing Helena" is essentially if you can't have her, kidnap her and cut her legs (and arms) off because she'll get lonely enough and come around. Some messed-up thought patterns fused together to come up with this movie, wherein a bored surgeon (Julian Sands) decides to kidnap and mutilate a woman in order to earn her affections. What a plan, right?
It's hard to imagine a more disgusting copulation scene than one between a parent and child. In Stephen King's so-so "Sleepwalkers," the cat-like mother and son pair, who feed on virgin life forces to sustain themselves, go at it like lusty co-eds. Sordid stuff.
4. 'Home Fries'
You know Vince Gilligan, the mastermind behind "The X Files" and AMC's "Breaking Bad"? Well, he once wrote the script (in film class, to be fair) for what is still quite possibly the most freaky rom-com of all time. In the ill-conceived "Home Fries," Drew Barrymore's Sally, a very pregnant fast food worker, falls for her married baby's daddy's stepson, portrayed by Luke Wilson. Yep. That's pretty much all you need to hear, right? The charm of the two leads couldn't salvage this one whatsoever.
3. 'Cruel Intentions'
The kids in "Cruel Intentions" need some parental guidance stat, particularly Ryan Phillippe's Sebastian and his stepsister Kathryn, played by Sarah Michelle Gellar. Their twisted little schemes involve sex, lies, drugs and massive manipulation. My, my, they learn so young. The good news is that if you ever run out of ipecac syrup, one glimpse of the tireless obsessions of these two and you might not even need it.
2. 'Lars and the Real Girl'
On the subject of craziness, Ryan Gosling plays a gentle but highly delusional central character in "Lars and the Real Girl." Somehow, whether out of affection or pity or both, the entire town rallies around this in-his-warped-brain romance existing between Lars and his Russian blow-up doll girlfriend. Fortunately, Lars doesn't make whoopee with the glorified whoopee cushion, so we're spared that one atrocity in this human/inanimate object love story.
1. 'The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2'
We hate to do it, but the final chapter from "Twilight" has to go on this list. There's just no getting around that ick factor when it comes to "Breaking Dawn - Part 2" having a teenage boy who has literally been chasing after a girl for years fall in love (forever and ever and ever, by the by) with the same girl's human-vampire hybrid baby daughter. Explanatory lore be darned, c'mon. It's pretty weird.