Ahoy, mateys. If you haven't heard, today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day.
Aye, it's a real holiday – John Baur and Mark Summers began International Talk Like a Pirate Day (ITLAPD) in 1996.
Needless to say, such an important holiday needs to be honored with more than just an eye patch and a few "argh"-punchlined puns. Thankfully, a vast array of pirate movies offers ample fodder to prepare you to impress your fellow scurvy-sufferers… and we've compiled their best hints.
Make a First Impression
"Three shillings, forget the name."
"Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl" (2003)
Impress your mates right off the bat with this line. It's easily one of the most memorable scenes from any of the "Caribbean" films and Jack Sparrow's first line ever. He steals the guy's wallet after paying him off. We don't recommend you do that part.
"Put this on or I'll throw you to the crew without it."
"The Spanish Main" (1945)
If your wench refuses to wear her corset, hit her up with this. Women love Muareen O'Hara, so they'll act accordingly and not stab you in the back.
"Remember, in a pirate ship, in pirate waters, in a pirate world, ask no questions. Believe only what you see. No, believe half of what you see."
"The Crimson Pirate" (1952)
Burt Lancaster may make for a rather clean looking pirate, but he sure knows how to prepare his seafaring friends for a night at the pub.
"You plannin' to fight me with that little stick?"
"Cutthroat Island" (1995)
Oscar-winner Geena Davis and Oscar-nominee Frank Langella battled each other in this absurd, but fun pirate adventure. On Talk Like a Pirate Day, this clip should remind you to bring a cannon to a knife fight.
Defending Your Territory
"The strong always eat the weak."
It sucks when a man tries to stand between you and your rum. Use this one at the bar when that scallywag tries to jump ahead of you.
"Well, my stupid, sorry, parasitic sacks of entrails... revenge is mine."
Calling the crew of an enemy ship a bunch of losers is one thing -- calling 'em "parasitic sacks of entrails" is quite another. As for the film, choosing Dustin Hoffman to play Captain Hook was inspired, despite this movie not measuring up to Spielberg's other work.
Acquiring Your Liquor
"A bucket of rum and be quick about it."
In this Graham Chapman-helmed spoof, Monty Python meets Cheech & Chong and they show you how to properly order your adult beverage.
Proper Use of "Argh"
"Argh, strike him 'til he falls and then douse him with salt. Argh, and when he comes to, argh, let him have it again."
"Blackbeard, the Pirate" (1952)
Sure, "argh" can be a little cliche, but when you commit to it with reckless absurdity like actor Robert Newton, it becomes, argh, awesome again.
"Why is the rum gone?"
"Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl" (2003)
You may find yourself asking this in earnest by the night's end, but this remix gives you some serious dance moves to go along with it.
Singing: "Shiver my timbers."
"Muppet Treasure Island" (1996)
You can't go wrong with this spin on the classic. Try to learn the entier song even, along with the following trivia. The fictional phrase is based on actual nautical slang -- "timbers" are the wooden support frames of a ship.
Honor Your Elders
"It's the world against us and us against the world!"
"Captain Blood" (1935)
Go vintage and emulate the dashing Errol Flynn, an iconic buccaneer in his day. Like many a modern swashbuckler, he was both a lover and a fighter.
Know Your Rank
"Incentives are important -- learned that in rehab."
"Captain Ron" (1992)
Captain Ron isn't technically a pirate, but with the eye patch and strong love of drink, he'd undoubtedly bond with Jack Sparrow. He sweetly breaks down the social hierarchy of a ship and reminds you that swabs are there to do your bidding.
Fare Thee Well
Singing:"Give me a happy ending every time."
"The Pirate Movie" (1982)
At the time, producers likely thought this was funny because pirates are always singing about their love of happiness. Now it's funny for a completely different reason, so we're going to avoid suggesting where and when to use it.