It isn't just a time when it is socially acceptable to eat gelatinous discs of cranberry flavoring and call it respecting tradition, Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on what is best in life.
We have it good on Planet Fanboy. I mean, we've got the reduced gravity, the constantly clement temperature and the complete ban on that "Tonight We Are Young" song.
Furthermore, there appears to be no end in sight to our stranglehold on big-budget movies. Here, then, a quick list of things we should be thankful for.
*That time Hulk punched Thor.
*That time Hulk threw Loki around like a chew toy.
*That time Hulk skidded across the sides of buildings to save Iron Man as he fell from the sky.
*That time Mark Ruffalo said "I'm always angry" then changed into Hulk on cue to stop that massive Chitauri airship from smooshing the rest of the Avengers.
*That time I referred to "Mark Ruffalo changing into Hulk," leaving it just a tiny bit ambiguous as to whether or not I had a true grasp of reality vs. fantasy, rendering all previous Planet Fanboy jokes a little bit awkward.
Of course, it wasn't just "Marvel's The Avengers" that made this endless slog we call life worth living. (Nor was it talk of forthcoming sequels, be they of the "Winter Soldier" or "Dark World" variety.) Some fabulous fanboy moments existed outside of the filmed variant of Earth-616. We offer thanks for:
*Bane. Everything about Bane. Top to bottom, soup to nuts, every muffled breath from the dopiest screen villain ever, Bane. Even his fur coat.
*The furiously paced perfect first twenty minutes of "Looper."
*The "corridor of light" fight in "Resident Evil: Retribution."
*The secret handshake in "Sound of My Voice"
*The blah-bloogity-bloog noises the Lizard makes in "The Amazing Spider-Man."
*The Slo-Mo shots in "Dredd."
*Lena Headey's sadistic smile in "Dredd."
*How ridiculously drunk I was when I saw "Dredd."
In the coming years, we're going to have to address a true question. When will we stop being Planet Fanboy and become Planet FanMAN? This past year offered quite a few opportunities to stir the passion in our loins. That they happened in public and in the dark is of no consequence. To wit:
*Anne Hathaway in a tight black outfit on the batpod in "The Dark Knight Rises."
*Gina Carano in a tight black outfit beating the crap out of Ewan MacGregor on the beach in "Haywire."
*Kate Beckinsale tossing her hair back and walking with great urgency in a tight black outfit in "Total Recall."
*Scarlett Johansson getting tied to a chair in a tight black outfit (but not QUITE as tight as before, because Joss Whedon is a feminist) in "Marvel's The Avengers." [Note: I know I said I'd stop talking about "The Avengers," but, you know, have YOU stopped talking about "The Avengers?" Yeah, thought so.)
*Lynn Collins wearing next to nothing and, like, riding a giant worm, or something, in "John Carter." Or maybe I'm confusing parts of "John Carter" with parts of "Dune." They were both sandy and something of a disaster.
With Thanksgiving, of course, there must be honesty. The greatest thing to happen to us is the promise of a our future. . .a future a long time ago. "Star Wars" movies are coming and, while rumors rush at us with the ferocity a hurled rock in the Anoat Asteroid Belt, three key facts remain. Star Wars movies. Many of them. No George Lucas.
In the absolute best case scenario ("I wish he'd. . .JUST GO AWAY!") George has relinquished the franchise to people who, we feel certain, are going to keep Gungans far, far away.
No doubt I've glossed over some things. I mean, if you want to make some sort of case for "Prometheus," that's why they made comments sections. Knock yourself out and pass the stuffing.
Come back every Thursday for more intergalactic musings on Planet Fanboy, and follow our its fearless leader Jordan Hoffman on Twitter!