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Eff, Marry, Kill: 'The Hobbit' Edition

Warner Bros.
If furry-footed men is your thing, you're about to have quite the conundrum.

Welcome to "The Hobbit" edition of Eff, Marry, Kill.

This game goes exactly how you think it does. We want you to determine which character from "The Hobbit" — Gandalf (Ian McKellen), Thorin Oakenshield (Richard Armitage) or Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman) — you'd like to spend the rest of your days with, whose days you'd like to end for good and which one you'd enjoy (or suffer through, as the case may be) spending one single night with.

Because such decisions are so difficult, we've asked a few of our buds to weigh in. Hit the poll below and hear thoughts from our experts underneath. And don't forget to give us your thoughts in the comments!

Meredith Woerner, Senior Reporter, io9

I would eff Thorin Oakenshield, the character. Specifically the character. Not the actor, the dwarf. Must have beard, nose, oak shield and dazzling grey highlights or no deal. I'd marry Ian McKellen, no contest. It would be like living with a real life audio book. Morning tea chatter would sound like the oral history of Middle-Earth. Also I'm going to be really tired from all the sex with Thorin Oakenshield, which is fine because that's not an issue with SIR Ian McKellan. Which I'm pretty sure, marrying a knight makes me the lady of the lake, so big perk there. And finally he's wickedly funny and all I want to do in my twilight years is laugh and talk about all the sex I've had with Thorin Oakenshield. Then there's Martin Freeman: just one more soul I'll have to slay to get to my new bestie Benedict Cumberbatch.
Eff: Thorin Oakenshield
Marry: Gandalf
Kill: Bilbo Baggins

Brooke Tarnoff, Senior Editor, NextMovie

This one is hard – these are all handsome, quality gentlecreatures. So it's not without some emotional sacrifice that I decide to: eff the dwarf Thorin. He's brave, he's good with a sword, he's a deep well of suffering and he's played by the absurdly handsome human Richard Armitage. I'd marry Gandalf the Grey, the most delightful wizard in Middle-earth. Sure, he's played by a gay man, but we could see other people, and if we didn't have metaphorical fireworks, at least we'd have LITERAL ones. I guess I'd have to kill Bilbo Baggins, simply by process of elimination. (Elimination? Bad word choice. Sorry, Martin Freeman.)
Eff: Thorin Oakenshield
Marry: Gandalf
Kill: Bilbo Baggins

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