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Eff, Marry, Kill: Presidents Edition


If we're all being honest with ourselves, pretty much everyone has dreamed of being the first lady. They say that power is the ultimate aphrodisiac, and what station is more powerful than president of the United States?

With that in mind this Presidents Day, cue "Hail to the Chief," because not only are we giving you venue to picture yourself as the first lady, we're taking it one step further: Why settle for marrying a president when you could also eff and kill two others? U-S-A! U-S-A!

Since we're pretty sure it's a federal crime just to mention the k-word in the same sentence as the word "president" (let's hope the Secret Service are movie fans as well), we've turned to film for this especially patriotic installment of NextMovie's Eff, Marry, Kill. We turned to our friendliest of friends at Hollywood Crush and Yahoo! Entertainment, as well as you, friendly reader, to take stock of our cinematic Commanders-in-Chief. Presenting the presidential contenders: Dave Kovic from "Dave," Andrew Shepherd from "The American President" and, well, Honest Abe himself as portrayed in "Lincoln." Check out our panel's picks below, and be sure to cast your vote in our poll below and explain yourself in the comments. Don't forget to grab two forms of FMK ID before you head off the to the polls!

Amy Wilkinson, Hollywood Crush editor

Just call me Joanna Wilkes Boothe because I'm killing the 16th president all over again. Sorry, Abe, I gotta be honest: Your scraggly beard and stovepipe hat are just too hipster for my liking. (Which really is a shame considering you're the tallest of the candidates...) Something I do appreciate? A tight tushy, and since Dave Kovic is the only "president" with ample evidence of his lean, mean physique, he will be issuing the executive orders in my bedroom. Leaving Andrew Shepherd as my husband, which is the best possible outcome. I mean, Aaron Sorkin-penned pillow talk? You've got my vote, Mr. President!

Eff: Dave Kovic
Marry: Andrew Shepherd
Kill: Abraham Lincoln

Breanne L. Heldman, Yahoo! Entertainment New York Bureau Chief

This might just be the easiest game of “Eff, Marry, Kill” I’ve ever played. I’m marrying Andrew Shepherd because I’d marry just about any Aaron Sorkin-created president. They’re honorable, they give great speeches and soaring music follows them wherever they go. I want in. I’d give one night to Dave Kovic because he’s so cute, you want to pinch his cheeks, but he’s too naive and idealistic. Plus, he’s totally gonna get caught for that whole impersonating the president thing and I really want no part of that. Which means I’m basically John Wilkes Booth. I don’t feel good about that, but I’m really not into beards, so I guess I’ll have to live with it.

Eff: Dave Kovic
Marry: Andrew Shepherd
Kill: Abraham Lincoln

Kase Wickman, NextMovie staff

I hate to disagree with my cohorts, but I don't believe that Honest Abe deserves my bullet. Come on! The guy gave great speeches! He has an awesome legacy, never mind the nasal voice. The dubious honor of death instead goes to Dave, that poor soul. Relax, y'all: He's not even the real president. See the REST of you in the visitor center of federal prison. Kidding, kidding. But with our fave Dave out of the way, I have a tough decision to make: Link myself forever to the man who ended slavery, or to a smooth operator who can talk circles around me at the drop of a (stovepipe) hat? Both have oratory chops, but there is one key difference: See above, with the nasal voice. Sorry, Abe. You can emancipate me from my pants for the night, but Andrew Shepherd is the president — of my heart.

Eff: Abraham Lincoln
Marry: Andrew Shepherd
Kill: Dave Kovic

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