"Here's where you make out with my wife."
If you've ever said that, you're either recreationally into that sort of thing (and we here at NextMovie hold no judgment) or you're a Hollywood director married to an actress in the movie you're directing.
It's an interesting dynamic that nevertheless comes with the territory. Just as in any other career, actors and directors presumably hold themselves to a sense of professionalism that overrides everything else — even, in their case, "I promise to be true to you" at the altar. ("I promise to be true to you, unless I'm in front of a camera and your movie costs upwards of $30 million, in good times and in bad ...")
But that doesn't make it any less awkward for everybody. Or does it? Here's a list of nine directors who have told other men to make out with their wives on camera.
Kate Winslet & Sam Mendes: 'Revolutionary Road'
The subject of "Revolutionary Road" — a middle-class marriage deteriorating in suburbia — is enough to make the viewer cringe BEFORE you consider that Mendes chose to cast Leonardo DiCaprio opposite his wife Winslet. Those two have never made any movies before, have they? In related news, Mendes and Winslet aren't together any more. Put your hands on us, Jack, and watch Winslet's Golden Globe win for the role, where she does everything short of asking Leo to draw her like one of his French girls again before awkwardly thanking her husband for being good at directing.
Was it awkward? Undoubtedly.
Leslie Mann & Judd Apatow: 'The 40 Year-Old Virgin,' 'Knocked Up,' 'This Is 40'
Comedic actress Mann happens to be married to Apatow, the most successful comedy director of the last 10 years. They have a pretty good thing going. And in stark contrast to Mendes and Winslet, Apatow and Mann seem like they kind of know how lucky they both are; Mann for being married to the guy that made her career, Apatow for batting substantially above his average (we're guessing). So, sure, it's probably fine for their relationship when she pretends to be married to Paul Rudd for money.
Was it awkward? Unlikely.
Helena Bonham Carter & Tim Burton: 'Big Fish'
Burton has directed like six billion movies featuring his wife-ish, but we're exclusively focusing on "Big Fish" because it was made after their 2001 hook-up, and whereas she only almost kisses Ewan McGregor, she's definitely in love with his character. The thing with these two is that it's difficult to see them as anything other than "director Tim Burton" and "actress Helena Bonham Carter," like they were both cryogenically created in a lab specifically to make movies, and, in turn, you can't really see anything on camera affecting their off-camera relationship.
Was it awkward? Almost no chance.
Guy Ritchie & Madonna: 'Swept Away'
You have to be a little crazy to be married to the smokin' hot but no doubt intolerably high-maintenance spoiled superstar that is the Material Girl, so putting her in your movie and having her writhe in sandy pleasure on a deserted island with an Italian stud (Adriano Giannini) seems like it would just kind of come with the territory. "Swept Away" was pretty awful, but it's at least got Mazzy Star's "Fade Into You" on the soundtrack to make you nostalgic for the '90s (when bad Madonna movies like "Body of Evidence" were at least somewhat watchable). When later asked why his then-wife was cast in this movie, Guy Ritchie reportedly replied, "Because she was cheap and available." Oh boy.
Was it awkward? As compared to, what, everything else going on both on- and off-screen? Heh heh, no.
Paul W.S. Anderson & Milla Jovovich: The 'Resident Evil' Movies
Here's an abridged list of Anderson films that came out before his marriage to Milla Jovovich: "Mortal Kombat," "Event Horizon," "AVP: Alien vs. Predator," "Death Race." The guy clearly has a style, and a super badass actress like Jovovich would seem to fit right into that style, right? So it's just as likely that Anderson was loudly cheering on any love scenes featuring Jovovich in the "Resident Evil" films as he was getting upset about it, just for the adrenaline rush. Check out the below video: The man's natural expression is a grin.
Was it awkward? "More like EXHILARATING!" — What we predict Anderson would say
Darren Aronofsky & Rachel Weisz: 'The Fountain'
"The Fountain" attempts to be such a deep-rooted (literally! Puns!) love story that you can't help but think there were instances where Aronofsky would shout "Cut!" maybe one or two frames earlier than he should have. Moreover, Weisz's co-star Hugh Jackman's alleged "sexiness" can be quantifiably measured — he was sexier than every other man in the world only two years after filming. Sadly, neither Aronofsky nor Weisz were too sexy for a divorce in 2010.
Was it awkward? In all likelihood.
Woody Allen & Mia Farrow: 13 Woody Allen Movies
Exactly 578 of Allen's 595 movies are about the randomness of life and/or fallible humans capriciously falling in and out of love with each other (the other 17 being about the randomness of love and/or fallible humans capriciously falling in and out of life with each other), so we suspect it wasn't much of an issue for him to watch his "partner" (they were never formally married) Farrow make out with any "better-looking guy than Woody Allen" actors he may have cast. But then he married Farrow's adopted daughter, so ...
Was it awkward? Maybe in hindsight?
Len Wiseman & Kate Beckinsale: The 'Underworld' Movies
Beckinsale is such a knockout that Wiseman would have been more than within his rights to go from, "Okay, Scott Speedman, this is where you do X-rated things to my wife" to "Actually on second thought, you know what? You're repulsed by her now. Sorry." For the sake of his art, he chose not to do that. We're not sure we would have had the same discipline, given a specific NSFW scene from "Underworld: Evolution" that might very be embedded below. Tip of the cap, Mr. Wiseman.
Was it awkward? Had to be. Yikes.
Sean Penn & Robin Wright: 'The Pledge'
Wright's love interest in this movie was Jack Nicholson. Defensible enough, right? But there's more: It was Jack Nicholson with a totally out-of-nowhere mustache, too! Talk about a wild card! Who wouldn't be honored to have their significant other hook up with a mustachioed Jack?
Was it awkward? It was probably a party.