First there was fighting and we had "Clash of the Titans." Now comes anger and we have "Wrath of the Titans." When next year's English requirements force the Hellenistic Gods to take Poetry 101 maybe we'll have "Plath of the Titans."
And I, for one, look forward to it. This franchise (yeah, it's a franchise now) isn't exactly top-shelf, but it serves a need – the need to see enormous, villainous computer-generated beasts wreak havoc on Mediterranean fishing villages. Hey, once you get hooked it's hard to kick.
I won't lie and tell you that "Wrath of the Titans" is replete with clever plot twists, sharp dialogue or, you know, good acting, but it's got a list of awesome creatures as high as the mightiest doric column. Let's take a look at who lays in wait.
The Chimera
When Ares and Hades betray Poseidon and Zeus in their efforts to free Kronos, they know they have to take Perseus out. They therefore dispatch the Chimera to Perseus' hometown with a mission: smash that place up!
The Chimera is a two-headed dog that can fly and spew fire. It also has a tail with venomous fangs. Great. So now I have to be jealous not only of things that have tails, but things that have KILLER TAILS, too.
The best part about the Chimera is that the two heads work as a unit. One spews the slimy, lighter-fluid spit, and the other provides the spark. What with the price of gas rising, I suppose it is smart to try and have one side focused primarily on fuel.
The Cyclops
We've seen 'em before, but not this sweaty. We meet three of these giants in the woods, who have an elaborate series of traps for those that dare tread into their realm. Best is that "Wrath's" Cyclopes have their own made-up language that just sounds like a dude with a deep voice going "Oogada-boogada!" That's almost as much fun as the plural of "cyclops" being "cyclopes."
The Liam Neeson
This Universe-spanning creature is often-times seen killing boats filled with sex-trafficking Slavs or aiding wounded oil-workers to a peaceful, wolf-induced death. This time he appears as a blunt, bearded instrument of exposition shot from intimidating low angles. Later in the film he is tied up in chains and forced to dye his hair white. The Liam Neeson is also known to acquire enough wealth for a new Caribbean home every few months, and will next be seen shouting down space robots with commands like "A-6!"
The Minotaur
The adventurers in "Wrath of the Titans" have to find their way through a labyrinth, and you don't have to have an advanced degree in Mythological Theory in Table-Top Gaming from Gygax University to know what's lurking around the bend.
Movie minotaurs take many forms – from the darn-near fuzzy in the "Narnia" films to the anatomically exposed in "Your Highness." I give "Wrath" props for showing us one that is more human-looking than the other leading brands. Perhaps forthcoming tie-in fiction will reveal that he is just some dude with horns Gorilla-glued to his head.
Pegasus
He's back and he's thanking the Gods he turned down that guest shot on "Luck."
One thing I don't understand is why, when he is soaring through the air, he gallops as well as flaps his wings. It doesn't seem to make sense from a physics point of view. It was a little distracting at first until I reminded myself that FLYING HORSES AREN'T REAL AND STFU!
Kronos
A mountain sized figure of ash and lava, Kronos doesn't say much, but his actions speak for him. Chiefly they say, "get the hell out of the way!"
The final bossfight in "Wrath of the Titans" is, no joke, quite awesome. There's so much bold color on screen that some shots look like a Kandinsky painting. Which is exactly what audiences have been yearning from Hollywood for years, I can assure you.
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