There are no two comedic stars who are as serious about comedy as Ben Stiller and Eddie Murphy, and no two actors who have starred in such a bounty of diverse blockbusters. Murphy, his mouth spouting jokes at breakneck speed, is a natural foil for Stiller, who's at his best when shown struggling to comprehend the intentions of a stronger willed costar.
Lucky for us, the yin-and-yang pair (no, not because one's white and one's black -- we mean in temperament!) is about to collide in "Tower Heist." And, as a pre-game show, we're throwing this vertically challenged duo in the ring to battle it out. So let's get ready to rumble ... and/or read quietly to ourselves!
Eddie Murphy: Edward Regan Murphy
Ben Stiller: Benjamin Edward Stiller
Advantage: Stiller. By co-opting Eddie's name as his own middle name, Stiller dominates Murphy in truly humiliating fashion. Genius.
Eddie Murphy: Brooklyn, NY
Ben Stiller: New York, NY
Eddie Murphy: 5'9''
Ben Stiller: 5'7''
Advantage: Stiller (short = funny)
Eddie Murphy: Fairly cut
Ben Stiller: Very cut
Advantage: Neither. Isn't it enough you guys are funny? Stop trying to look good.
Funniest Family Member
Eddie Murphy: Brother, Charlie Murphy, recounted his '80s encounters with Rick James, resulting in the best "Chappelle Show" skit of all time. If you haven't seen it, see it.
Ben Stiller: Father, Jerry Stiller, played George's spastically insane father on "Seinfeld."
Advantage: Tie. Who'd want to live in an America lacking either of these national treasures?
Eddie Murphy: Made a splash on "SNL" from 1980 to 1984, playing quotable characters such as: grown-up Buckwheat, surly Gumby, and the extremely "urban" Mr. Robinson in the ghetto version of "Mr. Roger's Neighborhood."
Ben Stiller: Starred in the critically acclaimed "The Ben Stiller Show," which first failed on MTV and then failed for another season on Fox. Besides rocking a menagerie of hilarious characters, the show also launched the careers of Janeane Garofalo, Bob Odenkirk and ... Andy Dick.
Advantage: Murphy (who told you to launch Andy Dick's career, Stiller?)
Also Check Out: Case the Joint With 6 "Tower Heist" Clips
Biggest Box Office
Eddie Murphy: "Shrek the Third" earned $322,719,944 in theaters.
Ben Stiller: "Meet the Fockers" earned a paltry $279,261,160 in theaters.
Advantage: Murphy, who is currently the second-highest grossing actor in Hollywood.
Biggest Box Office Bomb
Eddie Murphy: "The Adventures of Pluto Nash" with a production budget of $110 million and a box office take of $7 million.
Ben Stiller: "Envy" with a production budget of $40 million and a box office take of $13 million.
Advantage: Murphy. With one of the biggest box office bombs of all time, Eddie took a wildly wrong turn following his hero, Bill Cosby, down the "Leonard Part 6" career path.
Best Animated Character Voice
Eddie Murphy: Donkey, in the "Shrek" films.
Ben Stiller: Alex, in the "Madagascar" films.
Advantage: Murphy. Who's ever heard of a beloved animated character named "Alex"?
Eddie Murphy: Is black.
Ben Stiller: Not black.
Eddie Murphy: Not Jewish.
Ben Stiller: Is Jewish.
Maximum Characters Played in One Scene
Eddie Murphy: 5 (Sherman, Papa, Mama, Grandma and Ernie in "The Nutty Professor")
Ben Stiller: 1 (in every movie he's been in)
Advantage: Murphy, who seems to be the only one even trying to win this category.
Also Check Out: 5 Questions With "Tower Heist" Director Brett Ratner
Better at Identifying Transvestite Prostitutes
Eddie Murphy: In 1997, was pulled over by police for picking up a prostitute at 4:45 a.m. on Santa Monica Boulevard to "give her a ride home." He was shocked to learn that his passenger was not only a hooker, but also a man, giving him a real disadvantage in this category.
Ben Stiller: To this day, has been deftly perceptive at identifying transvestite prostitutes and, as a result, has yet to be pulled over by the police for picking up said transvestite prostitutes.
And the Winner Is ...
And the winner of this extremely scientifically judged bout between two comic heavyweights (and physical featherweights) is:
Sorry, Ben. You just haven't reached the highest highs and lowest lows Eddie has climbed and then fallen down from. But we know you have a "Pluto Nash" and a humiliating sexual encounter in your future, so reach for the heavens!