As a 30-year old-straight male Twi-Hard, I'm often torn. I'll be in a conversation with some fellow dudes, you know, talking about football, or "Breaking Bad," or sexy nurses. Somehow "Twilight" is brought up -- and it always ends in snide jokes.
I understand that elements of "The Twilight Saga" are ridiculous and my fandom seems even more ridiculous than others (it's why I have a column), so I get the jokes and sometimes make them myself. That doesn't mean I'm less of a Twi-Hard. My brother and I tease each other relentlessly. It doesn't mean we love each other any less. That said, most guys who rip on "Twilight" don't do it with love. And it shows in their bad, re-canned digs at it: "So gay;" "That dude's gay;" "Vampires are gay," etc.
Here is where last night's long-awaited "Beavis and Butt-Head" premiere enters the picture. I grew up with these guys, imitated them countless times and follow every move creator Mike Judge makes. (So, yes, in addition to being a Twi-Hard, I'm also a Butt-Hard.) When I heard "Twilight" would be skewered in the show's return, I winced. Not because Beavis and Butt-Head were going rip on it, they rip on everything. My concern was they'd rehash the same jokes we've already heard.
But ladies and dudeslemen, Mike Judge and company rose to the challenge. Sure, Beavis and Butt-Head say "Twilight" sucks, they think most things suck, but they recognize attractive girls like it. Pretending to like "Twilight" for the sake of getting women is a joke that's been made a thousand times. But this is where the show brings it to a new level. The guys actually attempt to become werewolves to get girls. They find a homeless man, who in their minds clearly looks like a werewolf, and ask him to bite them. He obliges and the boys are left to endure what they believe is the "transformation." The sickness they're actually feeling is hepatitis.
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While I'm sure many Twi-Hards will condemn the show for mocking our love, I'd like to commend Beavis and Butt-Head for revealing themselves as hardcore Twi-Hards. Never mind the intention behind it, they were willing to be bitten by a homeless man in hopes they'd turn into a supernatural beast. How many of us have gone that far?
I know there was that couple in Arizona who stabbed their roommate to drink his blood, thinking themselves vampires. But are you willing to get bitten by a complete stranger for your fandom? If so, please introduce yourself to me at the Breaking Dawn Convention in Los Angeles next weekend. My girlfriend has agreed it's not "cheating" if it's for "Twilight."
Confessions of a (Male) Twi-Hard is a “Twilight” humor column by Ryan McKee that publishes every other week on NextMovie. Read Ryan’s introductory post here and follow him on Twitter (especially if you want his updates on the Breaking Dawn Convention or want to be bitten).