As of yesterday, gay couples were finally given the right to be legally married in the state of New York. To honor such a historic civil rights moment, we've decided to pay tribute in the only way we know how: with a Top 9 list of uni-gendered duos throughout history who obviously wanted to tie the knot, but couldn't.
Whether they were holding an intense gaze a smidgen too long or oiling themselves up to play an unnecessarily sexualized game of volleyball, their true feelings could not be totally hidden. And today we're encouraging these hesitant trailblazers to wear their love proudly.
9. Wayne and Garth, 'Wayne's World' (1992)
Overcompensation has long been the bastion of the frightened, closeted gay males of our repressive society. And no film in modern times has tackled the issue with as much realism and empathy as this Lorne Michaels melodrama. Hiding in their basement behind what are clearly wigs (they're fooling no one, poor souls), these faux headbangers feel the need to broadcast to the world -- via a public access TV show -- their "boner alerts" and "schwings" for the unlikely likes of Claudia Schiffer and Kim Basinger. Let's hope that, 20 years later, Wayne can finally "party on"... Garth.
8. Lumiere and Cogsworth, 'Beauty and the Beast' (1991)
When Beast starts courting Belle, he's a little out of practice, and his place is a mess. Fortunately for him, his closet's full of anthropomorphized old queens, ready to burst forth with songs and dating tips. Sure, one's a clock and one's a flaming candelabrum, but this is Disney: a company known for its liberal hiring policies. Together, Lumiere and Cogsworth give Beast's smelly old castle a renovation makeover that would make even the queerest eyes at Bravo tear up with pride.
7. Harry and Ron, the 'Harry Potter' Films (2001-2011)
We're not buying it, guys. You're 18 by the end of these films, living at a co-ed high school, and you can count the number of girls you've kissed on one hand? With nothing but brandished wands, cloaks of invisibility and no parents to speak of, Hogwarts should look a lot more like the sex-fueled world of "Twilight" and a lot less like the the sex-starved Harlem of "Sesame Street." The answer? Hermione plays a convincing wizard's beard, but Harry and Ron have all they need in the boys quarters at "lights out."
6. Thelma and Louise, 'Thelma and Louise' (1991)
If this chick flick's about one thing... well, it's about Brad Pitt taking his shirt off. But if it's about TWO or more things, they would be that men are no good troglodytes, and that all a modern lady needs is her best gal pal by her side and a handgun on her hip. And when these BFFs take each others' hands and flee a man's world in the final scene, let's just say that the physical metaphor into which they escape is not the Washington Monument.
5. Joe and Jerry, 'Some Like It Hot' (1959)
Poor Joe and Jerry. Back in the repressive '50s, men were expected to be straight-laced, buttoned-down and lady-loving. Coming out was just not an option. Interestingly enough, cross-dressing was just fine. So in Billy Wilder's classic tragedy of misplaced love and compromised emotions, Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis do their darndest to convince us that they're falling all over themselves to nab Marilyn Monroe. Mm-hmm, right. Could this displacement of implausible affection be any clearer, Dr. Freud?
4. Magneto and Xavier, 'X-Men: First Class' (2011)
Let us set the scene for you. It's the early '60s. Over cups of tea, an attractive British couple discusses philosophies on life and child rearing. One's cool-headed, one's dealing with anger issues. Together, they plan on leaping into the tumultuous world of child adoption. But there's a twist! They're both men! Xavier and Magneto, as they're known at the clubs. Oh, and they're mutants. As the stress of holding together a family of freak-show teens wears on the pair, domestic violence erupts and the couple splits. In a final scene, full of portent, Magneto straps a big metal condom onto his head and heads out for a life in the singles scene.
3. C-3PO and R2-D2, 'Star Wars' Trilogy (1977-1983)
One's tall, one's short. One's fussy and one's laid-back. He's an old queen while the other's totally butch. But, disparate as they may seem, these hipster life partners go together like pees in a space pod. They might bicker like an old married couple in public from time to time but, behind closed, futuristically sliding doors, these protocol and astromech droids speak the binary code... of love.
2. Frodo and Sam, 'Lord of the Rings' Trilogy (2001-2003)
While Sam might play it straight in the Shire, he's the first out the door when his best buddy, Frodo, invites him on an all-male walking tour of Europe -- a "fellowship," if you will. But don't you dare call them fairies. They're hobbits. Gay hobbits. Sadly, same-sex marriage was not an option back in the make-believe, magical dark ages. So these brave hobbosexuals stage an epic protest by throwing a wedding band into a volcano. They'll be invisible citizens no more.
1. Maverick and Iceman, 'Top Gun' (1986)
Like many blissful couples, these two ruffled each others' feathers upon first meeting. Whether going full throttle in their cockpits or volleyballing in the sandpit, the boys were always trying to one-up each other. But it took the death of Maverick's "copilot," "Goose" (yes,"Goose") in a tragic tailspinning incident to allow Maverick and Iceman to see what was right in front of them all along: each other. Now, the only thing they fight about is who's going to be top gun, and who's going to be... bottom gun.